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Original poster

Wedding ring

69 replies

Bibble69 · 17/11/2021 13:31

Hi,

Longtime lurker here.

After 33 years together my wife passed away in February after a short battle with cancer, after beating Covid. We'd been together since we were 18 and married for 24 years. We didn't quite make our silver wedding anniversary.

I think I'l ready to start dating, as I feel I'm in a good place now. However I'm not ready to take off my wedding ring.

So I guess my question to you lovely ladies is, how would you feel dating a man who is still wearing a wedding ring??

Thank you

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 17/11/2021 13:35

Firstly sorry for your loss.

I'm married so not in a position to date. But if I were it would bother me. Might make me think you weren't over her - not that you ever have to get over her....but symbolically a wedding ring shows you are taken.

Could you wear it on the other hand perhaps? So you keep her close but show you are available?

Really - a ring is just a piece of jewellery and it will matter far more how you are in yourself and how you treat the ladies that you meet.

Wherearemymarbles · 17/11/2021 13:36

Sorry for your loss
They’d assume you’re not over your wife…
It Might be fine for fwb but I think most people would feel uncomfortable with it.

rampitup · 17/11/2021 13:40

I'm very sorry for your loss xx.

I can give you my personal experience of this, having recently been on a date with a widower. His wife passed away two years ago and he was quite candid on the date about her illness. I knew before we met that he was a widower. I happened to notice on the date that he was still wearing his wedding ring. I didn't comment on it, but I certainly respected him for wearing it. It's part of him and his identity still. The fact that his wife is no longer with him does not mean that he has to immediately discard everything associated with his wife. They were a partnership and I am sure she would have wanted him to be happy. So he kind of takes her along to the date through the memory of the wedding ring. I would imagine he probably won't remove it until such time as he is seeing someone on a regular basis or when he starts spending more time with a woman than he does alone.

steppemum · 17/11/2021 13:43

@rampitup

I'm very sorry for your loss xx.

I can give you my personal experience of this, having recently been on a date with a widower. His wife passed away two years ago and he was quite candid on the date about her illness. I knew before we met that he was a widower. I happened to notice on the date that he was still wearing his wedding ring. I didn't comment on it, but I certainly respected him for wearing it. It's part of him and his identity still. The fact that his wife is no longer with him does not mean that he has to immediately discard everything associated with his wife. They were a partnership and I am sure she would have wanted him to be happy. So he kind of takes her along to the date through the memory of the wedding ring. I would imagine he probably won't remove it until such time as he is seeing someone on a regular basis or when he starts spending more time with a woman than he does alone.

this exactly.
19Bears · 17/11/2021 14:42

First of all, I'm really sorry to hear about your wife. She's always going to be part of your life, and whoever you date, I'm sure you will have already had a bit of a conversation about your situation, and therefore your date will understand. I think some might be put off seeing your wedding ring, but to me it shows you are a very caring person and that even though you are ready to move on, you're not willing to take off your ring to show that that part of your life is over or never even happened, if that makes sense. I would respect you for still wearing it, and if the dates became a relationship, that would be the time to take it off. Good luck OP, you sound like a good man.

Bookworm20 · 17/11/2021 14:52

@rampitup

I'm very sorry for your loss xx.

I can give you my personal experience of this, having recently been on a date with a widower. His wife passed away two years ago and he was quite candid on the date about her illness. I knew before we met that he was a widower. I happened to notice on the date that he was still wearing his wedding ring. I didn't comment on it, but I certainly respected him for wearing it. It's part of him and his identity still. The fact that his wife is no longer with him does not mean that he has to immediately discard everything associated with his wife. They were a partnership and I am sure she would have wanted him to be happy. So he kind of takes her along to the date through the memory of the wedding ring. I would imagine he probably won't remove it until such time as he is seeing someone on a regular basis or when he starts spending more time with a woman than he does alone.

This.

In these circumstances, I wouldn't be at all bothered about a wedding ring. You didn't choose to leave your wife, nor her you. And she should be a part of your life forever because of this. It doesn't mean you can't meet or date anyone else and maybe eventually you might even choose to replace the wedding ring if you find someone special, but that will never detract from the life and love you had for and with your wife, and any woman you meet worth her salt would never want it to either.

whereismyhappyplace · 17/11/2021 16:23

I agree with PPs in that it wouldn't bother me

samesign · 17/11/2021 16:28

Sorry for your loss but to answer your question no I wouldn't date a man that wasn't quite ready to take off his wedding band, depending what your looking for, casual dating the woman might not mind if it's not something serious she was looking for.

Aderyn21 · 17/11/2021 16:34

This reply has been deleted

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AcrossthePond55 · 17/11/2021 16:35

My widowed auntie switched her engagement & wedding rings to her right hand when she decided to start dating. She also said that putting them on the right hand signified that one was widowed. If you're concerned that wearing your ring might give someone the impression that you 'aren't ready' you might consider switching it to your right hand.

Auntie had a wonderful marriage to my uncle so she didn't want to completely stop wearing them but didn't want to give the impression to someone she met that she was either still married or not completely ready to have a new relationship. She did meet someone and eventually married again.

Squeezedtillipop · 17/11/2021 16:39

Aderyn21 you horrible person. You have no idea what was discussed between the OP and his wife.

Chasingsquirrels · 17/11/2021 16:42

My DH died in spring 2016. I started dating about a year later and was still wearing my ring, and his on a bracelet. My now DP didn't seem phased at all.
I'd planned to have it resized for my other hand but when I went I to the jewellers (with DP) the thought upset me so I didn't.
I hardly ever wear it since covid, as with working at home I didn't bother with any jewellery, and am so used to not wearing it now that I rarely put it on.
I am still planing to get it resized though.

Good luck OP.

Aderyn21 · 17/11/2021 16:42

I don’t care. I think it’s gross.

layladomino · 17/11/2021 16:46

@Aderyn21 This is someone who has had to watch his wife suffer and die. He now feels ready to start living again and you judge him for it?

And it's a fact that people who were the happiest married are generally faster to start dating after they've lost their loved one. People who weren't so happy tend to enjoy being single and much slower to take the risk of a relationship again.

freeatlast2021 · 17/11/2021 16:47

Hello there, I have just recently separated and am not thinking at all about dating, but agree with both @samesign and @Aderyn21. I do not see myself dating someone who is still wearing wedding ring and definitely not someone who has recently lost his wife. Sorry.

Wishimaywishimight · 17/11/2021 16:50

I would think that a person who is not ready to remove their wedding ring is not ready to date. So no i would not date you.

StrongerThanA90sTrend · 17/11/2021 16:50

I'm sorry you lost your wife.

But I will say, if you aren't ready to take the ring off, maybe you aren't ready to date yet? I don't know ... I've never been in this situation before. How were you hoping to meet women? Online dating? That may be more acceptable (as in, the woman in question may not be bothered) as I'd assume you would be clear in your profile that you are recently a widower. But if you were hoping to meet a woman 'in real life', well, I'd feel uncomfortable if a man clearly wearing a wedding ring was asking me out. Also, it may force you to talk about something that may be painful off the cuff. Because I think I'd question it immediately, and then you would have to tell me that your wife died. Which is quite a heavy opener. Just my immediate reaction to your question.

However, clearly other women would feel differently to me.

Aderyn21 · 17/11/2021 16:51

I do judge. I can’t be apologetic about that. My grandad did it when my nan was barely cold and I do think it’s horrible.
I also think it’s not healthy - if a person truly is over the death of their wife, such that they can happily date again and move in, then I don’t think I’m the horrible one. And if they aren’t, then a new relationship won’t work out. Wives aren’t interchangeable - being happy with one doesn’t mean that this can be easily replicated.
I’d at least see the year out. I consider it really disrespectful to date at this time.

neededafart · 17/11/2021 16:54

@Aderyn21 don't be so vile.

OP. So sorry for the loss of your wife.
Regarding the ring, in those circumstances it wouldn't bother me. However you could wear it in the other hand, or pop in on a chain ?

Drinkingallthewine · 17/11/2021 16:54

Sorry but I would take the view that you were still grieving if you were wearing your ring. And I would assume I was wasting my time. But I'd also be concerned I'd be your rebound or that there would be a lot of emotional baggage to contend with.

That said, I don't think you should necessarily take it off when you aren't ready, but instead of actual dating, join some teams/hobbies that will widen your social circle instead.

ArtfulScreamer · 17/11/2021 16:55

Think what you want but if you haven't anything nice to say, say nothing.
OP I think in these circumstances most wouldn't think to much of it, some may worry it meant you weren't over your wife but I'm not sure you do get over a bereavement of this nature as such I think you just adjust and learn to live with it and part of that adjustment is dating again.
I know a few widows/ers and they all still wear there wedding rings.

480Widdio · 17/11/2021 17:14

I am a widow,I have never taken my wedding ring off.I did have a relationship for 13 years with a widower,I continued to wear my wedding ring.

If someone is going to judge you for wearing a wedding ring,they are not worth knowing.

@Aderyn21,get lost.

ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 17/11/2021 17:41

@Aderyn21

She died in February this year? You don’t let the grass grow, do you? I wouldn’t date a man whose wife has been dead for less than a year.
This comment is so horrible, it actually took my breath away.

Life is for living, and nothing brings that home to you more than losing someone far sooner than you should because of a horrible illness. There's nothing whatsoever wrong with someone who has suffered such a loss looking for a bit of happiness.

Aderyn21 · 17/11/2021 17:44

Those are the facts. She has been dead less than a year. I think it’s indecent haste.
I hope her family are okay.

hazelgrey · 17/11/2021 17:46

@Aderyn21
How very unkind

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