What to text guy who's fading

[Confidenceonfloor]

Guy I've been dating for a couple of months has stopped contacting me.Pretty sure I'm being faded.Been here before and not going to chase.But I lent him a book and I want it back...it's actually a library book so I need to return it.Hate thought of having to text.Do I just say please post book back and not mention the no contact or should I call him out?!

Hi. I need xxx book back this weekend please - you can leave it outside/in the garden shed if you just let me know where it is please. Thank you.

'Or you can post it to me Ta'

I'd just forget it, and pay the library for the book. It's just a bit of fallout. Confidently walking away from somebody who treats you this way is worth the cost.

Agree - walk away. Weigh up £15 against your own dignity!

Yes - what they said, better than my idea!!

Id text "ok well, please return the book to xxxxx library. Thank you"

I would just say 'Hi, I need to return the book on x date, if you're not going to be home could you possibly leave it in a safe place for me to collect? Thanks'.

I don't think paying for a book for him to keep is keeping your dignity - being polite, not mentioning him 'fading' then not contacting him again is. If you can afford it then I'd write it off, but if you can't I'd ask for it then leave it at that.

Just text saying “hi you still have my library book and I need to return it by X date (a couple days before actual date). I can pop round and get it or you can drop it off in the library if you’re going that way.”

If he doesn’t reply by the certain date I’d check that the library hasn’t received it and then knock on his door. It’s fine if he wants to end the relationship but there’s no need to not return the book.

Would just pay the library for the book.

I would just text him like a grown up and ask for him to return it.

'You have my library copy of Why men behave like dicks - please could you drop it through my letterbox ASAP as it's due back on Monday.'

If he doesn't, you'll just have to pay for the book.

I've never heard the term faded. I thought you were going to say he was dying.

Definitely don't "call him out" on the no contact thing. That's just humiliating for you. I'd go with the suggestions to ask him to drop it to the library. Surely he's decent enough to do that? Play it cool as a cucumber

I hope you meet someone who deserves you soon x

WTF with these replies and telling op to suck it up and pay the fine? No entitled twat of a bloke is going to "learn" anything from that behaviour.

"I don't want anything from you other than that library book back. You can post it through my letterbox or put it in X concealed place if you aren't adult enough to hand it over"

Or, less confrontational

"I don't want anything from you other than that library book back. You can post it through my letterbox or put it in X concealed place. Thanks. Otherwise I'm going to get a fine which I'm sure isn't your intention."

@SmileyClare

I've never heard the term faded. I thought you were going to say he was dying.

Definitely don't "call him out" on the no contact thing. That's just humiliating for you. I'd go with the suggestions to ask him to drop it to the library. Surely he's decent enough to do that? Play it cool as a cucumber

I hope you meet someone who deserves you soon x

A bit like ghosting, only slower, would be my guess.

It's NOT humiliating to call men out for being dicks. Wherever did that idea spring from?

I doubt he would return it, so you'll be paying for it anyway. Definitely don't ask about about the slow fade, he's not worth it.

Yeah I don't see why I should have to pay for it.We live 1hr apart so either he drives to library or he can post it-no harm for him to pay postage!No I won't be mentioning his slow fade,want to retain some dignity!

@A580Hojas

It's NOT humiliating to call men out for being dicks. Wherever did that idea spring from?

I suppose my thinking is that if a man essentially "dumped" me by cutting contact then I wouldn't bother with trying to communicate further, or ask him why he'd done that.

It would be insulting to hear a load of bullshit excuses, why not rise above it. I doubt he's going to have a sudden epiphany and change into a decent respectful man as a result, it would probably feed his ego that you cared that much.

I'm a bit long in the tooth but I'm assuming "calling some out" is challenging them to explain their behaviour.

Sorry I meant to say calling "someone" out.

Anyway, onwards and upwards Op. I hope you get the book returned.

Personally I'd leave it and pay the fine because I'd rather not have to contact them. It would be worth the tenner

It'll look like the book is an excuse to reach out. Id buy a copy of the book.

So man behaves like a rude twat and woman is encouraged to just quietly take it?! WTF! I really don't understand this as retaining your dignity. How about calling him out on a lack of common courtesy. You don't have to listen to a bunch of lame excuses but really just lying back and taking it is saying hey, you can treat people badly and it doesn't matter.
Then remind him he has the book and tell him he needs to return it to you or the library by the stated date.
If he doesn't, well so be it, you can pay the fine but at least you've not just quietly and politely withered away!

Fading aside, you can still get your library book back in a dignified manner.

Hey faded,
Just had a reminder that the book you borrowed is due back. Would really appreciate you posting back to me or the library. Thanks!

I think a text about the book only is the perfect way to show your not bothered and takes a little control by placing a full stop on it all

I’d ask him to post it. So he can’t read it as me looking for a way to perhaps meet up.