Sell me a relationship

[LittleMo234]

So it'll get to evenings / weekends and I'll see my coupley friends doing coupley things and think I want some of that...

Then I dabble in OLD and they'll all be creeps, weirdos or when I think I've found a nice one to chat to, the conversation gets pervy and I block them.

Or I come onto MN and read about all the unhappy relationships people are trying to escape and it puts me right off trying again.

My last 2 relationships were 25 years and 5+ years. The first one ended in divorce as he cheated and the second one ended up being more about friendship than anything else, so my experiences haven't been very inspirational.

So sell me being in a relationship - is it worth the bother? What am I missing out on?

I’m with someone I adore and we do nice things together. We go out, we stay in, we talk, we laugh and we have great sex. We’d like to have kids soon and he’ll be a great father. He’s an excellent provider, the funniest, most intelligent and kindest person I know. And he gives great hugs.

There is very little bother (I can’t really think of any, actually). 10/10 would recommend being in a healthy loving relationship. It’s tremendous fun.

@MooncakeandAvocato

I’m with someone I adore and we do nice things together. We go out, we stay in, we talk, we laugh and we have great sex. We’d like to have kids soon and he’ll be a great father. He’s an excellent provider, the funniest, most intelligent and kindest person I know. And he gives great hugs.

There is very little bother (I can’t really think of any, actually). 10/10 would recommend being in a healthy loving relationship. It’s tremendous fun.

Oh that's actually quite lovely Thank you!

Just have to be patient and find me one of them I guess, I'm thinking OLD isn't the place to look though...

I met him him via OLD! OKCupid, three years ago. We’re getting married next year. I’m a MASSIVE fan of OLD.

I hope you meet someone absolutely lovely, via whatever route (OLD or IRL).

Aww thanks @MooncakeandAvocato

No help here, I'm afraid - I feel like you.

When you don't want kids and don't have that ticking clock, it makes it even harder to want another relationship.

I'm just not convinced men are worth it. I've become too attached to my freedom and too reluctant to share my things.

Yes @theworldsastage - When you don't want kids and don't have that ticking clock, it makes it even harder to want another relationship sums it up exactly.

I do miss the hugs and the company but honestly to let someone into my life again they're going to have to be as awesome as Mooncake's man sounds... until then I'm not sharing my stuff with anyone who doesn't 100% deserve me!

I loved being single. I'm not even really sure what made me go onto OLD (for the first time!) over summer but I met someone who's rapidly become one of my favourite people in the world. Like a PP, it's just easy - we like a lot of the same stuff, we have awesome sex and lots of it, he's committed and we talk about the future and there's no second guessing. I called him sobbing this morning with no warning (family stuff!) and just chatting to him turned it around from a dreadful morning to quite a nice day!

It's still early days for me but not so early that I think this isn't the real him. I think we both just got bloody lucky but I can't think of a single thing I miss about being single - I do whatever I want but with a new great friend by my side who's cheering me on. Also he makes me want to be a better me.

That was rambly and PP put it better but I've always had a boyfriend in previous relationships and this time it just feels like I've met someone I want to spend loads of time with and yes he's my boyfriend but mostly he's him and I'm me. Not any "we're in a relationship so X has to happen and we have to talk Y about" etc

I won't sell you a relationship, but I have several casual flings you might like. As long as you honestly don't take them seriously, and both parties want a fling, they are low-risk: no expectations to be dashed. You get to go out to eat, dance, watch films, whatever lightweight couply things you like. The company and sex are just what you like, because if the company and sex are not just what you like, you end the fling. If the other party ends the fling, you can find a new fling pretty soon, as flings are easier to find than serious relationships. As you feel relaxed about it potentially ending; you feel relaxed all round and can lean back and enjoy yourself. You can try out all kinds of unsuitable flings that you wouldn't consider usually, and may be pleasantly surprised. And at the end of the day, if you want, you can go home and close the door, and put your feet up.

Aww that sounds lovely @flipperdoda - I hope that he really is the one, does make me believe there might be one out there for me, although I did think that both my serious relationships were the one til they weren't...

I'm not sure about that @ravenmum - I've never had a fling in my life and fall in love too easily to keep turning it on and off. I don't think I'm cut out for flings...

Flings aren't for everyone, and I've only had a couple, but it was just what I needed at the time - the last fling turned out to be of the "wouldn't consider usually but turned out to be really good" type, so it's not a fling any more, which does break the rules a bit :)

I adore my DH, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with anyone except him (and never have). I am very very fussy, and was so lucky to find him. I think yes, a relationship with the right person is absolutely wonderful. But better to be single than with the wrong person.

MN is a terrible place to get a good balance of how many people have good relationships. People don't start threads titled 'My DH is perfect, please celebrate with me'. That would be mega arsey!

Good point @Millie50 and I DEFINITELY agree with the better to be single than with the wrong person

I thought my ex was the one, but I've never felt so peaceful and able to be ridiculously myself in any other relationship. I've always felt a bit like I was trying to fit the mould of either their idea of a partner, or mine.

I snort at him regularly and also told him earlier I was on my second pair of period pants today because I'd bled through the first pair - that's not for everyone at all but that's unfiltered me and I've literally never filtered myself for him. I've never had that before. The other "maybe the ones" feel like nothing compared to this, just learning experiences!

I hope he's the one too. But if he's not that's okay. Because I am happy single too! I hope you find whatever makes you happiest

I honestly don't have a bad word to say about my husband. He is genuinely incredible in every way.
He works full time, is an incredibly loving, hands on dad, he works his arse off around the house with cleaning/DIY, he is happy for me to be a SAHM, he's generous, loving, honest, sexy.... but I do miss being single and free at times.
I miss my life pre-marriage and kids and not having to think about anyone but myself but then I remember how depressed I was back then and how happy I am now.

I've done my fair share of dating and relationships and it's all been a big bag of shit until I met DH.

Good ones are out there. They really are.

Oh - also I mean "the one" in terms of the one I choose and vice versa. It's total bollocks that there's only one person we could be happy with in my opinion!

I've been married 2 months, together 19 years. Met him when I was 21 and he was 18. One DC who is 8. It's not been plain sailing at all but we are for life. We annoy each other at times but get on very well, have good sex sometimes more often than others and are very happy together.

When you meet the right person you'll want a relationship, nothing we can say to make you want one. The only thing you need to do is be open minded to the idea of it, which means being sufficiently over past relationships, and be content in yourself.

Try not to be pessimistic about relationships, despite what you read on here they're not all Jeremy Kyle material.

I also just find most men extremely disappointing. I genuinely feel like the vast majority want to abuse and control to some extent. Almost all my relationship experiences have been really negative and I've come out feeling much worse than when I went in. I don't know if it's me and I aggravate people, or if I just have less tolerance for bullshit than other women and refuse to take it, or what. I have only had one relationship where the man was consistently kind to me and even that had a weird vibe because he had a saviour complex and wanted to 'help' me, and resented me when I gained confidence and became more successful.

So yeah. I don't know what to say. My lesbian friends all seem far, far happier.

@Houseofvelour

I honestly don't have a bad word to say about my husband. He is genuinely incredible in every way. He works full time, is an incredibly loving, hands on dad, he works his arse off around the house with cleaning/DIY, he is happy for me to be a SAHM, he's generous, loving, honest, sexy.... but I do miss being single and free at times. I miss my life pre-marriage and kids and not having to think about anyone but myself but then I remember how depressed I was back then and how happy I am now.

I've done my fair share of dating and relationships and it's all been a big bag of shit until I met DH.

Good ones are out there. They really are.

How did you find him? I genuinely cannot conceive of men like this even existing. For the past few years I've felt like all I've got out of relationships is crumbs.

This is interesting!

I already have a child and my own home which I like so I'm no longer looking for 'father' material/marriage/ cohabitation and merging finances the way I used to in my 20s. Back then it was all about the relationship 'escalator' some of which I'd participated in...

What options does that leave women like me? I think it's possible to have a relationship where you're 'together living apart' so emotional and sexual commitment without the drudgery and financial entanglement I'd imagine this could appeal to some men ...

@LittleMo234

Do you have children? Would you be interested in moving in together or living apart' model?

Oh I hated online dating I had just about given up, then I met my partner, nearly 3 years on he is my absolute best friend, he's funny and kind. We go out and do lovely thing's together. He's so affectionate which I love. Great intimatmacy. Can honestly say I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

I was a complete relationship cynic, I came from a very abusive relationship and was single for 5 year's

In one way or another my relationships have been a compromise or abusive.

My bf and I have a great time and he is a sweetheart but in many ways we are very different. It is also different when you are older.

He’s my best friend. He makes me laugh. He comforts me. We have fun together
He looks out for me and cares about my wins and losses as though they were his own. We’re a team. I feel peaceful and completely myself around him. I’m still excited to see him. I know he always has my back, and I can 100% depend on him if I need to, but he will always support me in anything I’m doing.

Curious to know why you want the idea of a relationship selling to you, OP? Do you think you ought to have one? If you don't feel like it, don't do it.

It's not something to get into because some people on the internet convinced you. It's something to get into because you've met a person and you feel enormously drawn to them. If you're needing external input, ask yourself about your motives.

I don't know if it's me and I aggravate people, or if I just have less tolerance for bullshit than other women and refuse to take it, or what.

I wonder if this is true of me as well.

I either end up with ones that like me more than I like them or I like them more than they like me.