Condescending / being a dick/ something else ?

[actionsounds]

I've seen a new trait in my partner of 18 months.
Lately, and he has had many changes in his life lately so I want to put that in for context, he can be a little condescending ... over explaining, an expert on topics that he's not an expert on, dismissing my stories with an abrupt change of subject,having had a laugh about something and slagging him off , he will say .. yeah we've been through that before and basically calmly belittle my humour or comments.
I don't like this.
I find it condescending and the absolute opposite of respect and the exact opposite to f the man that I know so well by now, and love.
What's going on and how do I deal with this dickish behaviour.
It's so out of character!
I'm beginning to feel uneasy in myself and watching what I say.

He’s probably been putting his best face on and it’s slipping. 18 months sounds about right for the cracks to start to show.

It doesn’t matter what it is. It’s unpleasant and you don’t like it, so don’t tolerate it. Point out that you consider his behaviour problematic and give him a few weeks to address it. If he fails to do so, LTB.

This unfortunately is probably his real self.

What type of behaviours do we call this and why would the mask slip o up now???

@actionsounds Why do you care? I don’t understand why some women need to analyse the nature of men’s poor behaviour in this way. His motivations are irrelevant, as whatever they are, he is treating you poorly. Address the poor treatment.

Because I want to know what the behaviour is.

You can only deal with it by not hanging around for more of the same. It never gets better.

@actionsounds

What type of behaviours do we call this and why would the mask slip o up now???

It's called being a misogynistic smartarse, and is probably happening because, well, familiarity breeds contempt and all that.

Clearly. But, why?

I’m going to leave it, I think. Good luck, OP.

And arrogance and misogyny are two good words to describe the behaviour.

He's a self-centred arsehole, and now he's reeled you in the mask is starting to slip. He's showing you who he is.

You don't need a term for his behaviour, but arsiness would sum it up.

He hasn't reeled me in whatsoever. I've no intention of hanging around and tolerating this bullshit but as one pp said ... is that it? Is this who he is or do I address it and watch him over the next few weeks ?
It's so unlike him and we spend
Masses of time together!

Only you can decide what you want to do. Either end it now if you don't want to tolerate it, or call him out on it and see how he responds. But the worst thing is ignoring it. In my experience, this is very rarely 'one off' behaviour and usually just the start of it becoming the norm.

Mansplaining, being a knob? (Mine is being similar atm, btw… 🤯🤯🤯🔪🔪🔪)

By reeled you in I meant he's got you in a relationship where you have invested time and emotion.

He is showing you who he is and will be like this or worse if you ever disagree with him

When you say slagging him off, do you mean you are slagging him off?

Yes me slagging him off, having fun, banter.
It's like I'm annoying him and if he could eye roll , he would.
Superiority complex type thing.
Yet he is so attentive , living, thoughtful, kind and always puts me first !
Who the hell is he ???

Not sure you are using 'slagging off' in the right way.
If someone was slagging me off I'd get arsey too.

Well he has reeled you in, otherwise you wouldn’t have spent time and energy posting here trying to understand it - you’d have said “bye”.

It’s really really common for the mask to slip at this stage - we see it here all the time!

If you are really slagging him off - insulting him - then he is probably just giving back what he gets. It''s only banter when both people enjoy it.

@actionsounds

Yes me slagging him off, having fun, banter. It's like I'm annoying him and if he could eye roll , he would. Superiority complex type thing. Yet he is so attentive , living, thoughtful, kind and always puts me first ! Who the hell is he ???

Are you sure he takes your ‘banter’ and ‘slagging him off’ in the jokey way you intend it? Does he do the same to you and do you enjoy that?

Slagging him off sounds like you're being nasty to him so it may be the wording that's throwing people off.

Do you mean you're playfully teasing and that it used to be fine but he's suddenly taking offence to stuff he's previously always had a laugh about with you?

He can be sensitive for sure.
Regarding reeling me in... if I thought that his reactions were actually who he was and that it's all been an act till now , I'd drop him like a hot potato.
Is dumping him a bit extreme before I've chatted with him about it?

Can you give an example of the 'slagging off'? As I say I think you're using that phrase in a different way to how most people understand it.

By slagging off I mean trading in a jokey way

“Trading”? Sorry but you are using phrases in ways I haven’t heard before. Can you give examples?