Condescending / being a dick/ something else ?

[actionsounds]

I've seen a new trait in my partner of 18 months.
Lately, and he has had many changes in his life lately so I want to put that in for context, he can be a little condescending ... over explaining, an expert on topics that he's not an expert on, dismissing my stories with an abrupt change of subject,having had a laugh about something and slagging him off , he will say .. yeah we've been through that before and basically calmly belittle my humour or comments.
I don't like this.
I find it condescending and the absolute opposite of respect and the exact opposite to f the man that I know so well by now, and love.
What's going on and how do I deal with this dickish behaviour.
It's so out of character!
I'm beginning to feel uneasy in myself and watching what I say.

I think maybe he might be fed up with your humour, your example about the clothes sounds like he's joined in for a bit then got fed up and simply responded to you by telling you what he's actually going to wear. I do this sometimes with my dh when he's gone a bit too far with a joke.

The 'did you mean to be so rude' line could be good for you. I'd also take the opportunity to ask him if you've said something that has upset him.

It might be that he is finding the banter wearing now and would like it to stop. I would try having a conversation with him about it first of all. See what he says about what is going on. It might be that you are now finding you are incompatible with each other.

Your example sounds to me like you are the one being unfair to him, sorry.

It could be fragile ego. Also read up on the four horsemen by the Gottman institute

In reflection, having read all the posts, I'm beginning to think that he isn't enjoying my humour after a certain point and is being defensive and shutting down conversation to shut me up.
I will talk to him about that but as for the mansplaining and other unasked for opinions, I need to shut that down.
He is by his very nature very very kind and respectful, always puts me
First too.
I now believe he is trying to cope with my idea of banter and humour and pretty much doesn't like too much of it which is fair enough.

It would really unsettle me if I was going out for an evening and you kept bitching about my clothes.

I really
Want bitching about his clothes. He was jokingly saying he was going to wear his house gear and it really was banter until he just stopped mid banter and said... I'll be wearing xyz ... conversation then stopped abruptly.
Clearly I missed the cues

Have you considered the fact that he doesn't enjoy your banter and finds it irritating, so it's making you feel insecure?

I hadn't but I certainly will think about that thanks

Had a look at the four horsemen and for some of it, it was like talking about myself and his reactions as outlined in The article !

I’d never heard of the 4 horseman before (only those of the apocalypse) and there is my parents’ marriage described in a few paragraphs.

Good luck, OP.

@actionsounds

In fact it's me that could be accused of negging if these examples are anything g to go by. Maybe I'm being too abrupt. I can be very straight and harsh at times without meaning to offend

If you're abrupt, you need a partner who gets that and is fine with it. If he's rude, he needs a partner who gets that and is fine with it.

Trying to 'name' his behaviour is pointless and unhealthy.

The healthy thing is to tell him that when he does x/y or z, it makes you feel horrible, and then leave him if he keeps doing it, because he's choosing that behaviour over your wellbeing. That's it. That's the full story. The healthy story doesn't have bits where you waste your time trying to work out and identify and name his behaviour.

Why do you need to do that? What difference will it make if we tell you that the behaviour is called 'being a dick' or 'rude' or 'abusive', or it's called 'Barbara', or whatever? What good is the name to you? It won't stop you feeling crap when he behaves that way.

This reminds me of an article I read once written by some MRA dickhead.

Basically it was telling men to treat women like they were strange, silly little creatures of amusement. The man was meant to act like a firm but loving father figure, to enjoy how her little brain works with it’s funny ideas and how it amuses him. Indulge her a little, but then bring her back in-line with an eyeroll or shutting down the conversation and telling her “that’s enough now”. Keep her aware of her place and remind her that he is the grown up, superior to her and that she needs to default to him, but with the actions above, being dismissive and patronising etc, rather than saying it outright.

It was one of the most patronising, misogynistic pieces of shit I’ve ever read, but it sounds to me like your guy might possibly have some similar views.

Not sure what MRA is but no, this isn't who he is at all. Perhaps I haven't explained myself well but thanks for replying.