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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Groped by my best friends husband

62 replies

Crystaltips · 12/11/2004 21:28

I cannot believe that this happened.
It was about a week ago and my family and my best friend's family went out to a chinese for a treat for the kids.
I was sitting next to my mate's hubby.
It was 7pm ( not late ) and we weren't pissed ( we had kids with us ) and whilst we were reading the menu ( all around the table ) he put his hand on my boob.
I pulled back and ( seriously ) thought that I was imagining it.
5 mins later he began stroking me. I got up and went to the loo.
This happened again and on the third stroke ( ) I smacked the table and said "stop it" really loudly. Everyone looked at me - but said nothing.

It's only when I look back on it that I get crosser and crosser ( might be something baout me having a boob scare recently and had to go for a mamagram )
Problem is that we usually socialise a lot with them - and quite frankly I really do NOT wwant to see this bloke again.
Told DH who went all macho .... but I don't want to upset my mate ......

OP posts:

vict17 · 12/11/2004 21:30

I think you have to tell you b/f. What else can you do?

Original poster

Crystaltips · 12/11/2004 21:33

Put it this way - I wouldn't be too impressed ( and totally embarrrassed ) if somebody said this to me

OP posts:

vict17 · 12/11/2004 21:33

sorry, think I sound a bit harsh! What I mean is it would be hard to carry on seeing them as a couple when you know this information about your b/f's dp. If you don't tell her a) you avoid her b) you put up with seeing the both of them

vict17 · 12/11/2004 21:35

God yes, it would e so embarassing telling her. How good friends are you? How long have you known her? Would you want her to tell you? Do you think she would? (sorry questions questions!)

Original poster

Crystaltips · 12/11/2004 21:35

I have seen her this week and it was OK. Cos it's not her fault..... BUT I have cancelled an evening bash previously arranged and have not agreed to an alternative date .... I KNOW that it's going to get trickier and trickier...

OP posts:

Original poster

Crystaltips · 12/11/2004 21:38

Vic - the answer to the questions - is not sure !!

OP posts:

oxocube · 12/11/2004 21:39

Good grief, I don't think you having a cancer scare has anything to do with this. What the hell was he playing at. TBH, I'm not surprised your DH went off it as this is really not on! Don't think you should put yourself in a situation where you could be alone with this guy but feel you need to make it absolutely clear that you are in no way interested. If he persists, I don't think you can avoid upsetting your friend. Poor you, how horrible.

lockets · 12/11/2004 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

vict17 · 12/11/2004 21:41

poor you... do you think it was a one-off drunken thing (still totally inexcusable imo) or do you think he'd do it again? Could you maybe ring him and say meancingly ifyoueverdothatagain sort of thing? Or perhaps your dh could?

Original poster

Crystaltips · 12/11/2004 21:43

to make matters worse - he is our solicitor! If I "exposed" him he could run rings around me. DH and I are going through the process of changing our wills and this prat keeps on wanting to have meetings with me .... on my own ???? ( to discuss the details )
Thank god I told DH from the outset

OP posts:

Wheresmyfroggy · 12/11/2004 21:52

You have every right to be angry about this. If he was not pissed than he was obviously relying on the fact that you would be too embarassed or cautious to say anything to your friend or your partner (Lest you may have got thte wrong idea!!!).

Original poster

Crystaltips · 12/11/2004 21:55

We'd all had about 1 bottle of wine between us ( 4 adults )

OP posts:

lockets · 12/11/2004 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cab · 12/11/2004 22:03

Wouldn't tell your friend. It MAY be he really fancies you as a person and that that isn't normal behaviour for him, so if you make it perfectly clear that you're not attracted (which you did) he'll have to back off - and may be unlikely to try elsewhere. If he tries it on again threaten to tell his wife.
My mum (who's divorced) had a problem with her neighbour's husband about a year ago. She was devastated as gets on really well with the wife. She froze the guy out for a good few months, never told the neighbour and the husband hasn't tried it on again.

BeckiF · 12/11/2004 22:11

The guy should of got a slap, and I would of said in a big loud voice, "Can you please keep your hands off my breasts, once I forgive as a mistake, now you are just being a perv". Mind you, my dp would of beaten him unconcious and broken his arm.

cardigan · 12/11/2004 22:34

Tell him that next time your dh will be talking to him about this - or if he prefers your bf. Change solicitors.

Rowlers · 12/11/2004 22:38

Agree with Cardigan, was just going to say, change solicitors. And let DH explain to this pig why you are changing solicitors, in a meeting, just the two of them. Wonder how he would react?

blueteddy · 12/11/2004 22:41

Hmmmm, he is definatly being pervy imo.
I would not tell your friend about this as it would upset her.
Not suprised DH was unhappy though!
Something similar happened 2 me once while I was baby sitting 4 my parents friends.
Only thing was, I was 15 at the time!
Makes me feel sick 2 this day.

WideWebWitch · 13/11/2004 07:28

Crystaltips, what a horrible man. In your position I think I'd either get my dh to ring him or I'd ring him and make it very clear your dh knows and is standing there. How DARE he?! And definitely change solitictors, don't agree to any meetings on your own with him. I'd try not to tell the friend unless she asks but I think if she did I'd tell the truth. She was there wasn't she? Didn't she notice?

beetroot · 13/11/2004 09:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

acer · 13/11/2004 10:32

Just call him and tell him your not interested, don't tell your friend, she won't thank you for it. Get another solicitor, anyone asks why, tell them.

carla · 13/11/2004 10:48

God, it's sooo boring of him. Don't say anything to your friend. But change your solicitor. XXXX And hugsxxxx

Freckle · 13/11/2004 10:59

You could always intimate that you might be involving the police as this was a sexual assault. As a solicitor this should put the wind up him as he could lose his job if he has a criminal conviction.

MarsLady · 13/11/2004 11:19

change your solicitor and if the perv tries to say that you can't tell him you'll report him to the law society (or whatever body it is that he belongs to}. Are you sure you don't want some of us mns to go and give him a slap. Ooh, men like that make my blood boil

Miriam2004 · 13/11/2004 12:32

Crystaltips: Whatever advice you choose to take from this, make sure you're not alone with him again, even momentarily.

Personally I agree with Freckles - this DOES count as sexual assault and mentioning the police to him should make a difference.

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