Partner can’t stand my mother

[Lollypopla]

He said i cant stand her I don’t want to be around her any more.
Shes not done anything, he said she said hello to him in a sarcastic way at a recent family occasion. Implying that its suprising to see him, which to be fair he never visits or socialise with my family anyway.
I said she wouldn’t be like that its not her but he said im too dosy im in a bubble and don’t notice anything.
He said she loves drama but i can tell you now she is the opposite of that.
She does say the wrong thing sometimes but its more a nervous thing to fill a silence.

He said she loves drama - He's projecting.

Can you stand being around him? Is he nice?

He's not very nice, is he?

What are your feelings about your partner not being able to stand your mother?
I would see it as a big red flag. You say your mother is perfectly civil and occasionally awkward , which is hardly surprising if he’s barely containing his dislike of her.
Anyone else he can’t stand? Never visits or socialises isn’t a great trait.

He might be trying to separate you from your mum/family.
Walk away.

He called you dozy. Has he ever called you anything else? I’m not liking the sound of him.

This sounds like a red flag for me too, OP. It sounds like he is clutching at any excuse to make your Mum to be the bad guy. She hasn't done anything wrong based on his story. I'd dump him.

He’s trying to alienate you from your family. Massive red flag

There's not much to go on here but based on what you've shared, this is a huge red flag. Sounds like he knows he's behaving badly/with hostility and is projecting his feelings on to your mother. Also sounds like he might be trying to isolate you from your mother. He sounds like bad news, OP.

He sounds charming.

Get shot of him.

I never liked my ex mother in law but I never told my ex wife, as I knew there would be no way back.

How long have you been with him. You tell him,,, 'Fine, you don't have to see my mum but I will see my family whenever I want'. if he doesn't like that or tries to stop you seeing people you need to get shot of him.

Wake up, op. He's trying to alienate you from your family. This is a classic warning sign of an abuser. Red flags all over the place.

I bet your mum worries about you being with him, and quite rightly. He's trying to change how you see her so he can separate you from her. Huge red flag, my lovely.

I’d look out for other controlling behaviour. Is he happy for you to see your family without him?

Run OP. The insults, the isolating you from family, huge red flags.

I'd bet good money on him doing other stuff that you've not listed here that makes you feel shit sometimes?

Hi & thanks for answering
Hes not stopping me from seeing family infact he prefers it when i go without him. At first it was fine as my siblings were younger but now they have partners all the oh’s go wether it be a bbq, birthday, Christmas or drinks out, and now it seems more obvious he won’t join in.
Been together a long time really and this occasion he would have been strange if he didn’t come as it was a big celebration.
But now he’s saying he doesn’t want to go out with my family anymore. He feels like they don’t like him.

My mum can be a bloody nightmare but if anyone else criticised her, they’d be dead to me. Get rid.

My family have not said they don’t like him, they have mentioned a big family holiday abroad in the future including him. When i have asked him its caused arguments. He refused to go

And tells me to stop trying to plan things, even tho it wasn’t me who suggested it it was my family’s idea.

It might be that they trigger feelings in him that he doesn’t like/understand. Did he have an ok childhood etc? Women in his upbringing that weren’t nice to him? A therapist could help him work that out.

But in the meantime this isn’t fair on you. He might as others say, not be good for you

Sometimes people are oblivious to their parents because they grew up with them. He could be trying to alienate/control you or your Mother could be behaving badly. Idk. Has he given examples of things she has done?

Everyone seems to have decided with virtually no information that he is abusive which could be accurate.

When was the last time your partner brought you a bunch of flowers?

@Redjumper1 he just said she said hello in a sarcastic way then someone asked him a question and he said yes and she laughed saying thats all you get out of him is ye.

Then he said oh I don’t wana talk about it and wouldn’t say anything else about it.
Wanted to change the subject.

He said he prefers my dad although once my dad said to him “long time no see, dont leave it that long next time”
And when we got home he was going on about my dad having a sly dig being funny to him.