My married fiancé

[Ems9Jas]

I’d love some advice on my very complicated relationship. I’m feeling very lost. My still married boyfriend wants to Mary me yet he’s not divorce yet! I’m 36 he’s 51 and I can’t help panicking that I’m not going to be able to have the opportunity of getting married and having children because my times running out. I’ve been with him for 3 years and I love him to bits but I feel like the other women. He’s stil keeping me secret from anyone but we live together. I feel guilty for pushing him to get divorced but surely he should want this too? Any advice please?

How can he be engaged to you while legally married to someone else? He is fobbing you off op. He has no intention of marrying you I fear..

So he is married but cant be bothered getting a divorce?
Id give him a ultimatum. Divorced by xx.07.22 and married shortly after.

Take control.
Dont be afraid of rocking the boat.

This "boat" is not all of your hopes coming in to fruition.

This "boat" is a married man15 years older than you who might cost you motherhood.

That boat needs rocking.

Stop seeing him until he is divorced.

The secrecy would be raising huge red flags for me.

Does he work away a few days a week by any chance?

Come on OP. Surely you can’t be this naive? He has no intention of marrying you I'm afraid.

Who is he keeping you secret from? His ex? Does he have dc? Does he see them? His friends? His family?

If he's keep you secret from friends and family for 3 years then you got a shut-the-fuck-up engagement ring.

I’ve been with him for 3 years

Seriously?!? Where is your self respect? Dating a married man for 3 years is ridiculous! You should have dumped the ass after 6 months.

He’s spinning you a line Ems, he’s got no intention of marrying you.
Dump him, and find someone closer to your own age to start a family with.
Just as female fertility declines with age, the same is true of males. You’ve got much more chance of having a baby with medical problems if the father is middle aged or older.

Does he live with you full time or does he work away?

Sounds like a real catch. I'd dump him.

Stop being a mug. Have some self respect.

Well he cannot marry you if he is still married so what's his excuse, you have been together 3 years and you are still his little secret. It's time to give him an ultimatum or move on. He doesnt blame his wife for not getting divorced does he.

So he’s married, you’re a secret and you feel like the OW? If it walks like a duck…..

You feel guilty? Can you say why?

How long have you been engaged? How did you meet? Have you not met anyone he’s related to or is friends with?

I’ll be honest, marriage and babies aren’t very likely with this guy and you don’t have time to waste.

What’s so good about him you’re investing in someone who’s ashamed to tell anyone he’s with you?

I was still legally married when I started dating my now husband. But I was fully separated, and had nothing to do with my no ex husband for 3 years prior, so not really an OM scenario.
When it got serious, I got the divorce finalised, and shortly after we got married.
So I know where he snd you are coming from.
In my case, I did not file for divorce earlier because of a legality that put me in a vulnerable position, so I was intending to run the 5 year separation, as it is really simple to dissolve a marriage then. When I got a partner, then I took the risk, as it felt wrong, and he did want me divorced.
Ask your partner to finalise his divorce and honour your engagement OP. He has to take the hit to be happy with you

If he's genuinely separated and getting a divorce why do you have to be a shameful secret??

You don't sound like equal partners in this relationship, why does it have to be all on his terms?

You're setting yourself up for a major disappointment here and life as a doormat.

So he is separated or is he not?

Why would anyone be engaged to someone who is keeping them secret?

So so many red flags - keeping you a secret, proposing marriage, but still married. Please tell me he pays his way with rent, bills etc

It's the keeping it secret that always breaks the deal for me. You might as well be the other woman.

I typed out a time span for actively seeking divorce, marriage etc, but do you know what, I honestly think you would be wasting your breath.

1. He has no intention of divorcing - he would have done so already
2. he has no intention of marrying you - see above
3. And he has no intention of having children with you - see 1 & 2 above.

I'm sorry - appreciate it's hard to hear this as you love the man, but honestly break it off sooner rather than later especially if you're serious about children

I bet he's not keen on divorce because he has to give up 50% of finances.

Keeping you a secret is horrendous after 3 years. I can't believe you have tolerated this for 3 years

You need to make him sit up by saying you are going to do better than this and will have to move on. It’ll be much better however hard it feels, as he doesn’t sound serious.

This can’t be real. Why would someone be in a relationship with a married man for 3 years? He’s obviously not serious about OP because he would’ve divorced his ex by now. And how can you keep your DP a secret for 3 years??

Thank you everyone ❤️

So I am guessing he isn't even separated?

You are the OW and believed his proposal, even though he hasn't yet left his wife?

Do you rent or mortgage? Who's name is the property in?

Has he got DC?

Sorry OP, but you can't be engaged if he's still married.

Don't waste your fertile years with this man, you can do so much better.