My married fiancé

[Ems9Jas]

I’d love some advice on my very complicated relationship. I’m feeling very lost. My still married boyfriend wants to Mary me yet he’s not divorce yet! I’m 36 he’s 51 and I can’t help panicking that I’m not going to be able to have the opportunity of getting married and having children because my times running out. I’ve been with him for 3 years and I love him to bits but I feel like the other women. He’s stil keeping me secret from anyone but we live together. I feel guilty for pushing him to get divorced but surely he should want this too? Any advice please?

Does he have other children?

Has he said he wants to have children with you?

Definitely ask for divorce before getting engaged x

He keeps you a secret! That is one of the most baffling things I've heard on here in fifteen years. Why would you agree to that??? What possible reason is he giving you for you to be a secret?

He’s stil keeping me secret from anyone but we live together.

That’s a huge red flag!!
The nit been divorced us but the fact he is hiding you makes me think he has a lot to hide :(

I suspect you have bigger problem than him taking you for a ride re marriage and having children together.

Any advice please?

Tell him to fuck off and get on with your life?

I was still married when DH and I started living together. He didn’t pay rent as has his own property and all finances were kept separate until I was divorced.
However he met all friends and family,
I think you need to push to meet his and he needs a deadline for getting divorced.

Dont waste any more time. If you have to pressure him to marry you, he isnt the one.

This can’t be real. Why would someone be in a relationship with a married man for 3 years?

This part definitely can be real. It took me almost 4 years to divorce my ExH. I threw him out the same day I learned of his affair and there has been nothing between us since. I was desperate for a divorce

The legal system and us being unable to agree on a contact arrangement for DC plus finances, meant it dragged on & on....

I'm not saying OP should put up with the situation if he's keeping her a secret. That's 100% suspicious. However the fact he's still married might not be his fault and may not be the red flag it's made out to be

i can see how you might move in with someone who is still legally married but separated. Many people do want to wait the two years for a no fault divorce etc.

But moving in with someone having never met their friends and family? Really?

So his family don’t actually know where he lives then? Ok.

You dont want to hear it and most probably won't listen but you are wasting your time.
This is guy is a loser and cant give you what you want.

• Stating the obvious...He is married.
• You dont have a healthy relationship (being kept a secret isn't normal)
• you are waating your fertile years
• 52/53 is too old to be a decent hands on father.

@hg165 fair enough, but why get engaged?

Moving swiftly on mate

[quote MangoIce]@hg165 fair enough, but why get engaged?[/quote]
@MangoIce good point. It's not something I'd do personally. This whole situation is bizarre - I wouldn't get engaged to someone while I was being kept a secret from friends & family.

I think there's way more to it and agree with PPs that OP should run a mile!!

The only bit I wanted to defend was the bit where PPs were believing he could still be married after 3 years

@Ems9Jas also, your “d”p is the same age as my dad… and I’m in my mid 20s. You sound desperate. Find a man who actually cares about you.

He's keeping you secret is the thing. Divorce can take a while but you don't seem to know why, so that's an issue.

In your shoes, I'd cut your losses and run.
Sorry that's not what you want to hear.

There’s nothing complicated about this; you’re being made a fool of.

If he wanted to be divorced and married to you, three years is ample time to get all of that done.

He's still married.
You've been together 3 years.
You live together yet he keeps you secret.
He's 51, so old enough to be a Grandad, never mind wanting a baby with you. Has he got children?

My advice - don't waste any more time with him. Get someone single, nearer to your age, who wants children.

He's lying.
Move on, find someone who's honest & free to be with you.

Has he even started divorce proceedings?

So you’re engaged to be married. Have you set a date?

Ems, how exactly does he justify keeping you a secret? Likewise, how does he explain his divorce procrastination?

This man is playing you, and you are sabotaging your life. Use your agency to change your circumstances and make smarter choices.

a shut the fuck up engagement ring

I love that 😅

@VodselForDinner

There’s nothing complicated about this; you’re being made a fool of.

If he wanted to be divorced and married to you, three years is ample time to get all of that done.

This is true!

OP get out of this!

Who’s he keeping you a secret from?

How can he keep you a secret if you are living together.

Does he have children?

Do you have no visitors?