Unpleasant situation - not sure what to make of it

[LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour]

I'd like some opinions on this scenario as it's playing on my mind.

A few months ago my ex and I had been at the pub and he had drunk quite a lot (well over a bottle of wine, plus a pint). When we got back to my flat he dragged me outside (into the communal area) threw me onto the stairs and pinned me down. I wasn't quite sure what he had planned, but I fought him off and we went back inside where he calmed down.

Was this assault? Just a bit of rough and tumble and nothing to make a fuss about? Something in between?

I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill, but would appreciate people's thoughts. Thank you.

I would say that's assault.

Well it's not normal is it?

Was he angry?

What would you think it was if a stranger did this to you?

I’d say assault but what was the context, was he being aggressive or was he drunk and trying to play fight and got it wrong? What was th lead up to it?

Of course that's assault.

Definitely assault

Did you post about this at the time? Just sounds familiar that's all. It sounds like an assault to me, pleased to read that this is an ex.

Oh love. The fact that you even think that you might be making a mountain out of a molehill is really sad. I suspect your relationship with him wasnt a healthy one if you're questioning whether his violence might be rough and tumble. Is that right?

This isn't normal, it's an assault. Are you keeping well away from him now?

@LadyOfTheFlowers

Well it's not normal is it?

Was he angry?

No, he wasn't angry. He has been angry with me many times since, although it was never physical.

@Bluntness100

I’d say assault but what was the context, was he being aggressive or was he drunk and trying to play fight and got it wrong? What was th lead up to it?

There wasn't really any context other than we'd just got back. It was out of the blue as far as I was concerned. Hard to define whether it was aggressive, but there hadn't been an argument or anything like that. More asserting control than being aggressive, if that makes sense.

It’s assault
I hope he’s still your ex; don’t see him again

Bloody weird. Good job he’s an ex

The guy sounds completely unhinged. And I have a feeling you know exactly what he had planned. Or at the very least, that you knew you were in danger. Even if you don't want to listen to those instincts. I'm guessing he is an ex for many other good reasons.

I hope you don't have to have anything more to do with him. But if you do (kids together?) then never meet him in private. Never answer your door to him. And if he harasses you at all, don't be slow to call the police.

When we got back to my flat he dragged me outside (into the communal area) threw me onto the stairs and pinned me down.

It's hard to see how that wouldn't be assault. Dragging, throwing and pinning someone isn't a normal way to interact with anyone - let alone someone you care about.

I hope things are better for you now.

A few months ago?

Did you not feel comfortable to talk to him about it?

That’s a huge red flag.

Does he have you silenced?

Is his drinking problematic?

Sorry missed that he is an ex.

@skyblueone

Did you post about this at the time? Just sounds familiar that's all. It sounds like an assault to me, pleased to read that this is an ex.

I can't remember. Possibly, yes.

It’s more than unpleasant - were you scared and shocked?

Was he an ex at that time, or became an ex after that incident.
It's assault by the way.
If he had done that to a random stranger how would you define it?

Should I report it? If so, will the fact that I (foolishly) continued the relationship diminish anything I say?

I'm also slightly concerned that he has a young woman renting a room in his flat.

@DFOD

A few months ago?

Did you not feel comfortable to talk to him about it?

That’s a huge red flag.

Does he have you silenced?

Is his drinking problematic?

We did discuss it. He defended himself and said he wanted moments of spontaneity in our relationship.

I've since come to realise that he believes he is totally right about everything.

@DFOD

It’s more than unpleasant - were you scared and shocked?

Yes, both.

If it were me I'd probably just stay the hell away from him op. But if there's any way you could give his lodger a heads up that he is violent then that would be good.

@Name99

Was he an ex at that time, or became an ex after that incident. It's assault by the way. If he had done that to a random stranger how would you define it?

He wasn't an ex at that point, no.

What would you say if a stranger did it? It's assault.