Unpleasant situation - not sure what to make of it

[LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour]

I'd like some opinions on this scenario as it's playing on my mind.

A few months ago my ex and I had been at the pub and he had drunk quite a lot (well over a bottle of wine, plus a pint). When we got back to my flat he dragged me outside (into the communal area) threw me onto the stairs and pinned me down. I wasn't quite sure what he had planned, but I fought him off and we went back inside where he calmed down.

Was this assault? Just a bit of rough and tumble and nothing to make a fuss about? Something in between?

I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill, but would appreciate people's thoughts. Thank you.

I don't think any charges would be brought to be honest, if you did report it.

It'd be your word against his and there were no injuries.

Of course it was assault. But I doubt that there is any point in reporting it unless there were witnesses who are willing to give evidence.

Sounds like he was drunk and acting out his male dominence fantasy of control/assault/rape ?
Sorry you had that experience as he was out of order to have done that to you
What was his reaction to what he did when he was sober ?

Moments of spontaneity? Like the occasional impulsive attempted sex on the stairs rape?

Ugh.

Had he ever done it before or since.

Why are you concerned for the young woman? Do you feel she’s at risk of violence?

Are you jealous she lives with him? Who ended the relationship?

Oh my goodness it was an assault all day long. I hope you’re ok and it’s good that he’s now an ex.

Why are you worried about the woman? You said he's never been violent, apart from this one occasion which you weren't even sure of.

How do you even know she exists if he's your ex, unless you have kids together of course?

Did you consent to being thrown on the stairs and pinned down???

I’m gonna guess no. It was assault. And I would never have come tact with someone who did this again.

Look after yourself. You don’t have to put up with that ever.

Is there any CCTV or a ring doorbell?

His defence is chilling - assume when then sober?

You could approach the police re Claire’s Law?

It was definitely assault but I think at this time the police are unlikely to take any action - they might ask him to come in for a chat, but that's all. Unless he has prior convictions for violence?

Tbh I would just stay the fuck away from him - if you do report him now you might be poking a sleeping bear.

Do you have dc with him?

He was testing your boundaries to see what you would put up with. I can assure you he wasn´t as drunk as you think he was. Get away from him. Treat it as a warning of what is to come.

@DFOD

Is there any CCTV or a ring doorbell?

His defence is chilling - assume when then sober?

You could approach the police re Claire’s Law?

No CCTV or anything, but a WhatsApp conversation that would probably be useful because he doesn't deny anything.

Yes, he was sober (I think) when we discussed it subsequently.

@girlmom21

Why are you worried about the woman? You said he's never been violent, apart from this one occasion which you weren't even sure of.

How do you even know she exists if he's your ex, unless you have kids together of course?

I'm worried because I'm not entirely sure what he's capable of (although I think it's unlikely he would hurt her).

I know she exists because she moved in fairly soon after we got together and I met her.

Yes. It was assault. I would have feared he was attempting rape

@NeverDropYourMoonCup

Moments of spontaneity? Like the occasional impulsive attempted sex on the stairs rape?

Ugh.

Yeah, that sort of thing.

Why would he have wanted to do this outside my flat where he'd be far more likely to be caught? I guess he got a kick out of that aspect.

To make matters worse he's now being obstructive about giving me my keys back (yes, I know I shouldn't have given them to him).

Are you still speaking to him?

@FFSFFSFFS

Did you consent to being thrown on the stairs and pinned down???

I’m gonna guess no. It was assault. And I would never have come tact with someone who did this again.

Look after yourself. You don’t have to put up with that ever.

No, absolutely not. In fact I made it quite clear that I wasn't happy about the situation.

@RantyAunty

Are you still speaking to him?

Only because I want my keys back.

@Bluntness100

Had he ever done it before or since.

Why are you concerned for the young woman? Do you feel she’s at risk of violence?

Are you jealous she lives with him? Who ended the relationship?

No, that was the only time.

I don't think she's hugely at risk, but then I didn't think he would do something like that.

I'm not jealous. He ended it, although there was a bit of on-again, off-again.

Change your locks

Just change your locks and be done with it all. Forget him and forget her. She's an adult, if she has concerns she can call the police herself

Change your locks and forget getting the keys back.
I wouldn't trust thst he hasn't made copies of them.

Change your locks
Even if he gave them back you'd always be worried he got copies

Change your locks, the mental ones make copies.
And yes it was assault.