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Relationships

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Original poster

Is he stingy with money ?

61 replies

Lila1990 · 28/10/2021 16:48

Good evening everyone,

I have recently ended a 3 years relationship with a man who was extremely generous and a gentleman, but wasn’t honest and lied about his past.

3 months ago I started dating a new guy and we really get along. He is very affectionate and wanted to be together with me as a boyfriend, introduced me all his friends and family etc. I am just worried that he may be a bit stingy with money. I have to admit that he is still a uni student and a bit younger than me (6 years - although I always date younger men as I look younger myself) but he never really even tried to take me out for dinner, it happened once and I paid my half. We always do 50/50 for everything, and few times I gave him some money to pay the bill and “he forgot to give me back the change”. One time I gave him a €50 note and he gave me €30 back. Then I noticed the bill and he spent only €7… basically he didn’t give me all the change back. His friends also, always joke about him being really stingy.. they asked me “did he ask you for the petrol money yet?” and laughed (he didn’t at least). Also, he invited me for a holiday with him and 2 foreign rich friends.. I noticed that these 2 guys were paying for everything and he never tried to help them.. it was just me doing the effort. I have the feeling he is interested of being friends with them so when they come to Italy they just pay for his holiday as well, same for when he goes abroad to see them. Ok, I come from a culture (Italy) where I am used to men always trying to pay. In that case I always offer to pay my half as I don’t think a man should pay for everything, and I also like to treat my boyfriends for dinner and stuff as soon as I see them doing that with me.

Could you please girls give me your opinion on that? Am I just the typical Italian spoilt princess or am I right ?

Thanks

OP posts:

holeofdreams · 28/10/2021 16:50

He is being tight but does he have any money to spend?

Original poster

Lila1990 · 28/10/2021 16:54

Well he is a student so he’s probably not in the best position about being able to spend… I am also not working at the moment but he knows I’ve been saving some money. However I think the gesture of not giving the change back is not elegant at all ?

OP posts:

TheTrinity · 28/10/2021 16:56

It's one thing to be super careful with money especially if you don't have enough or a lot however, please believe his friends. You have also experienced first hand what he does. Not giving you all the change back is dishonest. You are right.

Original poster

Lila1990 · 28/10/2021 16:56

I forgot to write that I am 31 and he is 25

OP posts:

samesign · 28/10/2021 16:57

Stingy, worse than that because he's short changing you which is dishonest of him.
Doesn't seem to care his friends are picking up his bills either. Yes uni students are not rich but they should at least stay within their means and pay half or take turns etc.

FourTeaFallOut · 28/10/2021 16:57

Tight? He's not tight, he's nicking your money.

Viviennemary · 28/10/2021 16:58

He hasnt got much money. But looks like he is a bit of a sponger too. Ditch and find somebody else.

TheFoundations · 28/10/2021 17:00

Must you call MN posters 'girls'?

But back to the point, you've been seeing him 3 months. If you feel like he's stingy, then according to your standards, he's stingy. There's no definitive description, no definitive yes or no. One person might think someone was stingy going dutch, another person might think that paying for the other person's meal was wildly over-generous.

The question isn't 'is he stingy', it's 'is he too stingy for you', and if the question has come up in your head, then probably he is, but realistically, only you can answer it.

Is the behaviour you've seen so far from him that which you would like to see in a long term partner? If not, find someone else.

lastqueenofscotland · 28/10/2021 17:00

The short changing I wouldn’t like at all.
Me and DP have always gone 50/50 from day one so that wouldn’t bother me at all (I’m so surprised that people expect to be paid for in 2021…)

If he’s a student he might quite literally not have the money? Lord knows in was good skint to be going out for nice dinners when I was at uni.

Theuniverseandeverything · 28/10/2021 17:03

Did you ask for all the change back that he kept? That’s awful tbh, just dishonest and on that basis I would end it.

Sparklfairy · 28/10/2021 17:04

Being broke is one thing. Being a freeloader is another. Being a thief is worst of all.

DillonPanthersTexas · 28/10/2021 17:06

He is a student, chances are he is overdrawn, has a few student loans and his only other income is probably from minimum wage part time jobs. Date someone your own age with a full time job who can actually afford to do things.

smoko · 28/10/2021 17:07

His friends have told you he is stingy
You feel he is doing stingy things like not giving your change back
What do you think?

Shoxfordian · 28/10/2021 17:09

He seems stingy to me

Original poster

Lila1990 · 28/10/2021 17:09

It’s also about cultural perspectives as well trust me. I can ensure you that in Italy a guy who never offers you a drink is massively stingy. Anyway I don’t even care about that, is mainly about the short changing and “forgetting” about giving me the change back which happened a good few times now… also didn’t like how he behaved with his friends never offering to pay..

OP posts:

Sally872 · 28/10/2021 17:11

I would expect to pay half or more if I knew partner had less disposable income. Wouldn't bother me if he was thoughtful and kind. I would only consider it tight if he had lots of money and was nitpicking over small amounts.

Not giving you correct change is dishonest though.

Original poster

Lila1990 · 28/10/2021 17:23

I was embarrassed to ask the change back …

OP posts:

FourTeaFallOut · 28/10/2021 17:27

Cut your losses, he's dishonest and not worth your time.

DillonPanthersTexas · 28/10/2021 17:28

I always date younger men as I look younger myself

This is an odd reason to date younger men.

Original poster

Lila1990 · 28/10/2021 17:33

I don’t think we should focused on that sentence but if you want to analyse it fine .. he is just 6 years younger (I am 31 he is 25), I come from a small city and guy of my age or older are often in a relationship. Plus I look way younger myself and I’m a part time model so I usually end up attracting men in their 20’s.. I wouldn’t mind dating someone older but struggling to find them at the moment. Sometimes they are way older than me and I don’t like them ..

OP posts:

lovingnewme · 28/10/2021 21:01

a) Date guys your own age
b) he's a thief, don't date him

You seem incredibly immature and passive, not sure what you can do about that, but good luck.

Buggritbuggrit · 28/10/2021 21:27

Plus I look way younger myself and I’m a part time model so I usually end up attracting men in their 20’s

This was hilarious. 😂 I mean, date who you want (my partner is younger than me), but perhaps stop saying things like that. It doesn’t make you sound particularly rational.

Also, he’s a sponger. Just bin him.

scoobydoo1971 · 28/10/2021 21:45

Cocklodger in the making. He will bleed you dry for money, and leave when a more attractive (financial) venture appears. He is also a thief so no morality. Where is your self esteem? Letting a man con you over money. Red flags all over him and his behaviour. You are not unique and he clearly targets anyone offering freebies. Tight with money is tight with your emotions, and he has shown he cannot be trusted. This means he is a lousy partner or husband in the making. How isn't the resentment over his lack of attention and care, as well as the financial abuse not eating you alive? I would have emptied his pockets of my change with a metal detector. Walk away, he is a sponge.

HadEnoughofOtherThreads · 28/10/2021 21:58

He’s tight and has short changed you more than once. Next!…

smoko · 28/10/2021 22:20

Missed that you’re Italian too!

Am 1/2 Sicilian but Aussie so understand what you mean by cultural difference in the attitude about money

Yep - men always would pay for dates/family meals & events

But it would also be looked down on to count every penny, so can see how you’d feel awkward to ask for a few dollars back

Would you forget to give someone their change though? Sounds like this has happened more than once

His friends are jokingly warning you that he’s a tightarse. You’re seeing it already. I wouldn’t be seeing this person again.

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