Is he stingy with money ?

[Lila1990]

Good evening everyone,

I have recently ended a 3 years relationship with a man who was extremely generous and a gentleman, but wasn’t honest and lied about his past.

3 months ago I started dating a new guy and we really get along. He is very affectionate and wanted to be together with me as a boyfriend, introduced me all his friends and family etc. I am just worried that he may be a bit stingy with money. I have to admit that he is still a uni student and a bit younger than me (6 years - although I always date younger men as I look younger myself) but he never really even tried to take me out for dinner, it happened once and I paid my half. We always do 50/50 for everything, and few times I gave him some money to pay the bill and “he forgot to give me back the change”. One time I gave him a €50 note and he gave me €30 back. Then I noticed the bill and he spent only €7… basically he didn’t give me all the change back. His friends also, always joke about him being really stingy.. they asked me “did he ask you for the petrol money yet?” and laughed (he didn’t at least). Also, he invited me for a holiday with him and 2 foreign rich friends.. I noticed that these 2 guys were paying for everything and he never tried to help them.. it was just me doing the effort. I have the feeling he is interested of being friends with them so when they come to Italy they just pay for his holiday as well, same for when he goes abroad to see them. Ok, I come from a culture (Italy) where I am used to men always trying to pay. In that case I always offer to pay my half as I don’t think a man should pay for everything, and I also like to treat my boyfriends for dinner and stuff as soon as I see them doing that with me.

Could you please girls give me your opinion on that? Am I just the typical Italian spoilt princess or am I right ?

Thanks

@Buggritbuggrit

No worries I don’t think you’ve been snippy it was just a misunderstanding with language barriers. Yeah I know what you mean, In the UK it means more “classy” but money comes with it.. here it literally just means wealthy. Have a good lunch !

@Opentooffers

Well he gave you 30 back from 50,when it costed 7 - do you only carry big notes around, as really, that was a large dinomination for a small thing? . What can you expect from a student, unless he has rich/ generous parents? If he's largely keeping up with 50/50, he's doing well. But I think live within his means if you like him, do stuff he can afford 50/50 on, and if you have far more cash than him, why not the odd treat if you like him? However, just shows you are at different life stages really. Not all 25 yo are still at uni, so can still aim that young, but in work, if you must.

Amazing, it’s her fault for not having a smaller note 😂 Note that it was him buying something, so your question should be why didn’t he have any cash on him, not why can’t OP carry smaller notes too, like a fucking cash point.

Also, being a student does not give you an excuse to be a thief, and that’s the point here OP, he’s not just tight, but he stole money from you. And on top of that, you felt you couldn’t say anything about it. Those two personality traits combined do not equal a healthy relationship. You at least need to be able to call him out if it was to ever work.

It often comes at a price this: 'Man pays for everything' scenario. I lived in your country for many years, loved that I could basically go out anywhere with no money ( like the Queen 😉 ) because my partner ( or any male in the vicinity if you were lone females ) would pay the Bill.

However, these same men would usually expect very strict gender roles in all other aspects too. It was not unusual ( mostly down South to be fair ) for the guy to invite dozens of their pals round and fully expect you to wait on them hand and foot all night, excluding you from all the Guy fun stuff

The northerners were much more progressive though..

Sorry to digress OP but yes, he's a stingy little oik.
Get rid. X

@Tiramiwho

Hey ! I hope you enjoyed living here I am from the north and 90% of my friends are guys … I often go out in a group of 10 guys and just me as a girl. Of course they always want to pay but they are my friends I don’t allow them to do that, I go to the bar and order drinks for them and pay when is my turn. I have to do it without them seeing tough ! I have no experience about strict gender rules to be honest… maybe because I never lived in the south. In fact, every time we go out they always let me decide where to go and when I’m tired and want to go home they complains a bit, but in the end everyone goes home when I say it so I feel like a princess and I love it ! They are my brothers and childhood friends I love them.

Ps I took this stingy boyfriend out with us one night and he didn’t pay the drinks when it was his time to pay. My best friend (a guy) don’t like him for this reason

@Naunet

I gave him 50 as I only had 50 simply as that I didn’t say anything about the change as I don’t like to be pity with money I’m literally the far opposite from a stingy person … maybe I’m too nice … or too naive. Or both

Buggritbuggrit

This was all about 9-10 years ago. Loved Nigeria, people were so friendly, loved the music, P-Square and Chop My Money seemed to be played on the radio all the time when I was there! Did not make it to Kaduna, spent lots of time in Calabar though.

He's a student.

When I have money I don't care.

When I don't I worry about what I'm spending and appear tight.

Ps I took this stingy boyfriend out with us one night and he didn’t pay the drinks when it was his time to pay. My best friend (a guy) don’t like him for this reason

So you know he is stingy, his friends say he is stingy, your friends say he is stingy, what's the point of the original post? You know the answer. Even if he was not stingy, he is a student so not exactly going to be in a position to match your spending given that you are in (presumably) full time employment and he is in full time education. Expecting him to meet you 50/50 on costs when you go out is a bit of an ask. Just date someone your own age who has a full time job.

@DillonPanthersTexas

Buggritbuggrit

This was all about 9-10 years ago. Loved Nigeria, people were so friendly, loved the music, P-Square and Chop My Money seemed to be played on the radio all the time when I was there! Did not make it to Kaduna, spent lots of time in Calabar though.

Okay, that last sentence made me laugh. Calabar is a solid 850km away from Kaduna. It’s about the same as going from London to Bologna (seeing as we’re talking about Northern Italy) in terms of distance/culture/food/language.

Random fact, but I know Peter and Paul (P Square) and everyone was astonished when they got massive. They used to get ribbed endlesdly about their showbiz dreams. They definitely got the last laugh!

Anyway, I’m very glad you enjoyed yourself.

Buggritbuggrit

In fairness Calabar is not a day trip destination!

Very cool that you know P Square, every bar I was in was hopping when they were played.

"Chop my money, chop my money
Chop my money, cause I don't care
Chop my money, chop my money
Chop my money, cause I don't care"

One time I gave him a €50 note and he gave me €30 back. Then I noticed the bill and he spent only €7… basically he didn’t give me all the change back.

This is worrying. I would have no issue about my dh doing this, or would he about me doing this to him, but this is such a new relationship and he feels it's ok to, well, steal from you.
I would speak to him about it and then decide if he is being stingy, or genuinely doesn't have the money, or if he is just being entitled.