Baby daddy not pulling his weight

[Tiredmamaofone26872]

Hi,

Im new on here but was wondering if anyone could give me some advice as i am pulling my hair out!

My sons father hasnt worked since before my son was born up until a week ago and he is on probation. He only sees my son 5 days a month and has never contributed towards him financially. I have offered him more time with our son constantly in the past and he has refused it. When he does see him i have to do 90% of the traveling and he is constantly texting and calling to pick him up early as he apparently wont behave for him.

He has recently broken his probation and is going back to court. This is why he has now gotten a job to try make himself look better in court and is now asking for 50/50 custody of our son. I dont feel comfortable with it especially as he hasnt had him overnight in 6 months and my son has never been away from me for more then a 48 hour period. He has said countless times in the past he wants to sign over his parental rights to our son however now wants 50/50.

Due to the emotional abuse from when we were in our relationship i still find it hard to stand my ground when he goes off on one. Im just wondering if i am being unreasonable in refusing to change our current custody agreement?

Probably get slated for this but I want to be withdrawing any contact personally, he sounds like a waste of skin. What's he on probation for?

Of course YANBU. Do you have messages from him saying he wants to relinquish his parental rights? Is he on the birth certificate? What’s he on probation for?

He wants 50/50 for Court. I’m sure once the case is over he will revert.

Of course you mustn't increase his access to your son, as it's clearly only for his own image. Doesn't sound like he really cares for when when he has your son anyway. Of anything I would try to reduce access but that might be difficult without legal support.

Just keep reminding yourself that you know what's best for your son, and that's time with the person who loves and cares for him - ie you

He's living in cloud cuckoo land if he thinks he's getting joint custody as an ex (or current) offender.

Hintofreality - some thoughts are best kept in your head. Your comment is a good example

Wise up. He only wants 50/50 so he doesn't go back to prison. Please get yourself some advice from a solicitor.

You aren't being unreasonable to not want him to have the baby 50% under the current circumstances but then again you seem intent on forcing him to be the father that he's quite clearly incapable of being and therefore putting your son at risk. I think you should disengage and focus on your life and your baby's wellbeing.

OP, please ensure you're keeping record of all of these requests, any time he cancels contact or hands DS back early/picks him up late. Any time you ask for him to see DS more often and he refuses. Try and keep everything over email/text message.

Sorry to say, but he's using your son as a pawn to stay out of prison. I wouldn't have him anywhere near my child. I know you want your son to have a relationship with his father, but it's better to not have this person as an example for your son. He'll be much happier without all the let downs etc., I promise you.

You are not unreasonable. I would send one text/email saying, It is not in Child's best interests to change the current arrangements to 50:50. Despite my offering more contact in the past you have never managed more than 5 days per month, you have never managed to financially contribute anything, you have relied on me to facilitate your contact by doing the travelling and you have frequently asked me to pick Child up early because you cannot cope. I am uncomfortable that this request comes just as you have broken your probation and cannot feel that this is the best time to suggest more contact with a vulnerable Child.

Be factual and unemotional.

Haven't you posted about this before?

Just rest assured he will not get 50/50 custody if you don't want that. Can you talk to anyone in real life? If not I would start with citizens advice. Sorry you are in this position. It's horrible and no fault of your own, this is all on him.

Surely you can see that the only reason he wants 50/50 now is as a mitigating factor when it comes to sentencing?? His barrister will use that as a levering tool when it comes to sentencing, i.e. you can't send my poor, misunderstood client down as he has 50% custody of his child!

Please wise up

don't give him 50/50. Tell him if he's serious about being a dad he needs to prove it once his court case is settled.

That way you know he's not just using your son.

The offence was made when my son was a year old so funnily enough no it wasnt on my mind when i had him that his dad would be a convict.

@Tiredmamaofone26872

The offence was made when my son was a year old so funnily enough no it wasnt on my mind when i had him that his dad would be a convict.

OP are you able to keep record of your communication re. DS?

@Tiredmamaofone26872

The offence was made when my son was a year old so funnily enough no it wasnt on my mind when i had him that his dad would be a convict.

There are people who come here just to stick the boot in. Don't feel like you need to explain yourself.