Baby daddy not pulling his weight

[Tiredmamaofone26872]

Hi,

Im new on here but was wondering if anyone could give me some advice as i am pulling my hair out!

My sons father hasnt worked since before my son was born up until a week ago and he is on probation. He only sees my son 5 days a month and has never contributed towards him financially. I have offered him more time with our son constantly in the past and he has refused it. When he does see him i have to do 90% of the traveling and he is constantly texting and calling to pick him up early as he apparently wont behave for him.

He has recently broken his probation and is going back to court. This is why he has now gotten a job to try make himself look better in court and is now asking for 50/50 custody of our son. I dont feel comfortable with it especially as he hasnt had him overnight in 6 months and my son has never been away from me for more then a 48 hour period. He has said countless times in the past he wants to sign over his parental rights to our son however now wants 50/50.

Due to the emotional abuse from when we were in our relationship i still find it hard to stand my ground when he goes off on one. Im just wondering if i am being unreasonable in refusing to change our current custody agreement?

@iklboogiemaninthecloset

She's new - a lot of people coming here for the first time don't know that.

Doesn't give anyone carte blanche to be a dick.

Oh I agree there.

Yes I know that, I’m directing her to boards that would be more supportive, aibu can be really brutal from bitter experience

@Hintofreality my ex is a convict too, however when we met he was degree educated, good job etc we had a nice house 2 kids and what he did was awful but no one saw it coming..I’ve got a professional job with qualifications so not stupid but clearly you are so much better than me and op because you can tell people will commit crimes years into the future and totally change their personality etc

Stop being so sanctimonious and if you can’t say anything helpful for op then move on!
Op document everything and stay strong, you know he only wants 50:50 for court and to look good short term, you have to think what is in the best interests of your child. And going forward make him come to you for contact he needs to make an effort. Have a contact diary or such. Hope it works out for you,

Hi op, if he is with probation, contact his probation officer to voice concerns. Was his offence related to emotional abuse?

Hi all. We've removed a few guideline breaking posts from this thread - and also moved it over to the Relationships section.
Please do report any further concerns.
MNHQ

He cant just take you to court for parental alienation he has to prove it

I'm assuming you have kept evidence of him asking you to take the child back early ect?

Find out when/where his court date is maybe ask someone at the court about letting the judge know he does not have significant contact with his child you used to be able to do that at one point

Go for child support its what your child is entitled to

Was his offence a violent one? You might have grounds to restrict access on safeguarding grounds

@Merryoldgoat

Of course YANBU. Do you have messages from him saying he wants to relinquish his parental rights? Is he on the birth certificate? What’s he on probation for?

Don't even answer this OP. Otherwise we will have a completely new thread..

I would stop doing all the travelling is it far? Let the father of your child make an effort.

Tell him to go to Court.

@LaurieFairyCake

"Yes absolutely yes I'd love for you to be able to progress to doing that but since you've seen him 5 times in 6 months and those times you asked me to deliver him AND you asked me to pick him up early on 3 occasions I don't think you can do that.

I'm really pleased you want to contribute financially now for the first time so I will open a case with CMS. You don't have to do anything they will just take it out your wages.

If you do want to progress towards 50/50 time then (kids name) is available for you to pick up at 9am Saturday until you drop off at 6pm. If you're able to manage that for a few weeks perhaps you can have them Sunday for lunch too. Unfortunately since you've never had him overnight it will take a while for you to build up to being able to manage him overnight. Let me know about Saturday ASAP"

Op ignore the trolls. Laurie’s letter would be an ideal start at getting EVERYTHING in writing for the inevitable court.