Holiday days and DH

[MrsAlexSkarsgard]

I work for DHs family business. They’re really strict about treating it like a “proper business”, I get paid properly, but they take it very seriously, like I have set working hours etc just like a normal job which is absolutely fine by me.

I’m never allowed holiday days though. DH will NEVER take any, and gets offended if I even ask for one. DH begrudgingly gives me a half day on my birthday. We have bank holidays off, and they shut for two weeks over Christmas.

I feel like I miss out on things sometimes because of not being allowed days off. A lot of my family and my best friend work in schools and when I used to work other places, I would use holiday days to have days off in their school holidays and we would go out for the day. My other sister works on Saturdays and is only allowed three Saturdays off per year, but has a day off in the week and I used to use holiday days to spend time with her too. Not all of my holiday allowance, but maybe 4-5 days per year? I wouldn’t expect my sister to book a Saturday off to spend time with me though as she gets so few (although she did once to go to a shared interest event we went to).

Anyway, I decided to ask DH for a day off as my mum and both sisters were going out for the day in this half term and I really wanted to go with them.

He said “yes, but don’t make a habit of asking”. He was really annoyed.

He then launched into a rant about how they wouldn’t book a day off for me, he doesn’t even know why I’d want to book a day off for that, how they don’t even like me, I felt like he was implying I was desperate/embarrassing myself?

I’m so upset about it. I didn’t really say anything just sat and listened. He stopped ranting and was quiet for a bit and has been normal since. But I just can’t forget about it. I’m supposed to be going tomorrow and I feel like I should cancel going, and like I shouldn’t want to go. One of my biggest insecurities is that no one likes me, that everyone is just pretending to. I have very few friends anyway. I feel like he’s wrong but also like he’s probably right. I’m also scared to remind him about it, I think he might have forgotten.

I know this isn’t AIBU, but do you think I am or is he?

You have a statutory right to 5.6 weeks paid holiday per year- pro rated if you work part time - so your husband's family business sound like they're breaking the law here.

If his family are so strict about doing things properly you should point out that you are legally entitled to 28 days a year holiday. How rotten that your husband reacted so badly to a normal, and easy request. It’s time for you to get another job.

@ChipsNCurry

You have a statutory right to 5.6 weeks paid holiday per year- pro rated if you work part time - so your husband's family business sound like they're breaking the law here.

Exactly this. Your DH sounds like he doesn't want you to see your family.

WTF. That’s not ‘taking it seriously’ - that’s exploitation.

You will need to stop this now. Are you quite you g? You need to find employment elsewhere.

He can't deny you holiday. That's mental and illegal if you're in the UK. I'm outraged on your behalf. Does this apply to non family staff members too?

I think you need to have a calm chat with your DH about getting a proper annual leave allowance. And a separate one about why he was so unpleasant about your family

That’s ridiculous. Can you realistically find a new job?

You should be getting holidays! The family are taking the piss.

Are there others who work there who aren’t family? What do they get in holiday entitlement?

Your husband sounds abusive and like he's isolating you. You are entitled to holidays in every job. Its the law. Why would a loving husband not want you to have a nice break and day out.
I'd be looking for a new job and leaving the mean husband if I was you.

Sounds like ge is pushing you away from your family and making those comments so you won't go. He doesn't sound very nice. Quit immediately!!!

Modern slavery...

Assuming uk based actually the statutory is 20 days plus bank Holidays which op says she gets.

Shut down for 2 weeks at Xmas means depending on when Xmas falls they will probably deduct 8 days leaving 12 days that taste should be able to book at her leisure. If they are not doing this they are in breach if employment law.

If it is the US or Canada etc then the rules are different. I believe that the US is only 2 weeks annual leave, but that is mainly due to the number of public holidays the US has.

I wonder about your previous posts about your H...

This is absolute abuse. You are entitled to paid holidays and you have to be allowed to take them.

He is doing an excellent job alienating form your support network- friends and family.

Go out with your family tomorrow and don't ever go back.

What he said to you and his behaviour is unforgivable and a pack of lies.

I think it would be a good idea to get a new job rather than fighting for your rights at this company, as it will put you in a better position if you decide to leave this person. He's not just unreasonable; it sounds like he is cutting you off from your friends and family and undermining your confidence so that he can control you better.

This is so ridiculous I don't even know where to begin. Yes, as others say there is a statutory legal requirement to pay you holidays.

And sick pay.

And a pension.

Are they paying all this for you?

Do you have a contact?

If you do and it doesn't include the legal minimum of holiday, you need to have a very serious discussion with them.

If you don't, you need to insist on one - with the legal minimum of holidays

Could you find a similar job elsewhere, with a company that treats its staff properly?

Do they have staff who aren’t family, and do they treat those people just as badly? Family businesses are notorious for riding roughshod over employment rights and often all people can do is leave.

Half a day off on your birthday as your only annual leave is laughable, and his attitude is dreadful. You deserve better than this.

Your dh and his family are exploiting you.

You are legally entitled to holidays and not just bank holidays

Do not cancel your plans! I. Fact make lots more, at least 25 days of them

Nobody likes you and feeding on your insecurities about this is classic abusive behaviour. The refusal to allow a day off is illegal. I had a bf that convinced me that nobody except him liked me. It still affects me even though we broke up 20 years ago. He sounds similar to your DH. Are there other things he does?

Tell us a bit more about your relationship, OP.

Get another job. I don’t understand why you would work there?

Op I am pretty certain that this is just the tip of the iceberg.

What would happen if you found another job?

There is not even the tiniest chance that your relationship is healthy. Not a chance. You're in an abusive relationship with this man. And his family.

Get another job then leave both him and the job.

He is playing on your fear of not being liked. Totally ridiculous and not at all likely to be true - why would they invite you if they did not like you? This is really nasty, I am so sorry.