Holiday days and DH

[MrsAlexSkarsgard]

I work for DHs family business. They’re really strict about treating it like a “proper business”, I get paid properly, but they take it very seriously, like I have set working hours etc just like a normal job which is absolutely fine by me.

I’m never allowed holiday days though. DH will NEVER take any, and gets offended if I even ask for one. DH begrudgingly gives me a half day on my birthday. We have bank holidays off, and they shut for two weeks over Christmas.

I feel like I miss out on things sometimes because of not being allowed days off. A lot of my family and my best friend work in schools and when I used to work other places, I would use holiday days to have days off in their school holidays and we would go out for the day. My other sister works on Saturdays and is only allowed three Saturdays off per year, but has a day off in the week and I used to use holiday days to spend time with her too. Not all of my holiday allowance, but maybe 4-5 days per year? I wouldn’t expect my sister to book a Saturday off to spend time with me though as she gets so few (although she did once to go to a shared interest event we went to).

Anyway, I decided to ask DH for a day off as my mum and both sisters were going out for the day in this half term and I really wanted to go with them.

He said “yes, but don’t make a habit of asking”. He was really annoyed.

He then launched into a rant about how they wouldn’t book a day off for me, he doesn’t even know why I’d want to book a day off for that, how they don’t even like me, I felt like he was implying I was desperate/embarrassing myself?

I’m so upset about it. I didn’t really say anything just sat and listened. He stopped ranting and was quiet for a bit and has been normal since. But I just can’t forget about it. I’m supposed to be going tomorrow and I feel like I should cancel going, and like I shouldn’t want to go. One of my biggest insecurities is that no one likes me, that everyone is just pretending to. I have very few friends anyway. I feel like he’s wrong but also like he’s probably right. I’m also scared to remind him about it, I think he might have forgotten.

I know this isn’t AIBU, but do you think I am or is he?

How do you maintain a social life if you can’t book holiday? How many days do you get a year?

They are abusing you.
You cannot make friends or see your family because they won’t let you

You need a different job and to leave your abusive husband, then you can book whatever holiday you like AND not get told no one likes you. It will be great. Also other jobs might have flexible hours. And they definitely won’t have your horrible husband there.

If you’re in the uk they are breaking the law. Are they paying you legally? Do you have a contract of employment.
If they are refusing you holiday I think you need to check they are actually putting you as an employee and paying your tax and NI.
You have a legal right to time off. How long have you been working there?

Honestly get a new job, leave your god awful DH and then see a solicitor about suing them for back pay of all the holiday you should have been entitled too.

Is this a building firm? Does he make you get up with him very early in the morning, make his breakfast and lunch, sit by him while he does paperwork in the evening?
Because this all sounds familiar.

He's an abusive git. He's also breaking the law. Leave him and the job.

@SpringCrocus

Is this a building firm? Does he make you get up with him very early in the morning, make his breakfast and lunch, sit by him while he does paperwork in the evening? Because this all sounds familiar.

Oh god. I really, really hope it's not that poster.

WTF?! So much for treating it like a 'proper business' - you are entitled to holidays! They are not given as a favour, it's law. Get out ASAP.

Are you a contracted employee or a co owner?

OP, if you're a "proper" employee with a normal job and official pay and conditions, you have the right to apply for leave. The business has the right to approve or decline the leave based on business requirements. But at some stage, you get to take the leave that is part of your working conditions. In a normal job, your boss doesn't get to question why you're taking leave, in fact your boss isn't entitled to know the reason, you're just entitled to leave under employment law.

Your controlling and (I suspect) abusive husband is using his position in the business to control and undermine you.

You're obviously employable. Why not leave the business and the marriage, and find a job where your private life isn't entangled with it, and your boss treats you with due respect?

You’re legally entitled to take holiday
Leave the man and the job; you can be much happier

You're being exploited.

Your relationship sounds awful too.

What sort of business is it?

Do you and DH never go on a holiday together?

It sounds awful and you're being exploited.

This is absolutely against the law! Do you have a contract?

You're being exploited and your husband is alienating and abusing you.
Definitely go out with your family and I'd be seriously contemplating getting away from these abusive people.

He's a controlling arse isn't he?
He's not abiding by the law here.

Also, trying to isolate you from your family? Don't believe what he tells you.
Do you get time away from him at the weekends?

I'd tell them to stuff their job up their arse.

And to start looking for another employee... wishing them good luck in that process with the bizzare no holiday days set up.

Are you in the UK? Do you have a contract of employment?

Do you actually work with your DH family too? Don't they have any time off?

I would look for another job. He sounds controlling OP.

You need to get a other job and potentially leave your husband if he thinks being a c* is acceptable.

N

A ‘proper job’ means legal entitlements if you are drawing a salary. Does the company pay pension contributions?

But I agree, it is the power dynamic that is a serious issue.

I would look for a job outside the family. One with the legal holiday entitlement. Get some independence.

Do you have a contract?

If so it should include holiday allowance.

If not then they're not really doing things properly except when it suits them.

It doesn't sound like you're having a particularly nice life at the moment. All work, no play, abusive husband who tries to alienate you from your family.
Reading between the lines, it seems you have zero confidence.
I say this because your post doesn't seem to recognise the abuse. It's almost a 'sigh, this is life' post.
It's isnt.
Leave the job, leave the horrible man.

As other posters have pointed out, you are legally entitled to annual leave.

Can you look for another job?