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Original poster

He said I OVERREACTED

67 replies

Imsofat · 10/12/2007 14:04

My dp had a friend over last night. The same friend that comes over every weekend and I don't like him too much because he is rude to me, very childish and DH acts like a dickhead in front of him.

Anyway I decided to keep out of their way (see I have to act like a lodger when he's here too) and I went upstairs to study.

I hear all this manic laughing from those two and DS. I ignore it best I can until I hear DS say "mums gonna go mad". I then heard DP's friend say "will she say owt?" through his laughing and DP said "yeah she'll go off her tits, help me clean it up".

So I go downstairs to see what has happened and there is shit all up the wall which DP is frantically trying to wipe off with a t-towel but he's still laughing. His friend saw me and said "shit, think you're in trouble mate" and he's laughing his head off. DS is laughing uncontrollably and points to the floor where a dirty nappy was. I put two and two together and realise they'd been chucking a dirty nappy at each other.

Apart from the mess I was more annoyed at the way they'd involved DS1 (10) who is bad enough at the best of times without encouraging him. I was annoyed that they'd treat DS2 like a toy and I was annoyed that the 3 of them were making me out to be some kind of drama queen that they could all laugh at.

I told the friend to get out and if he couldnt treat my home with respect he wasn't welcome in it. He then said to Dp "looks like you're on the sofa tonight" .

DS had his playstation taken off him which caused a huge tantrum as he said he was only watching and later me and DH had a massive argument where he said he was sick of me over-reacting and that I was apparantly jealous of his friend.

So please be honest, am I over-reacting?

OP posts:
rookiemater · 10/12/2007 14:05

WTF !!

No seriously your DP and his friend were playing with a dirty nappy and involving your DS ?

If my DP had pulled a stunt like that I'd have kicked him out along with his "friend".

Not overacting in the least and I am sure you are not so fat, is your DP normally like that ?

scorpio1 · 10/12/2007 14:07

No, you are not over-reacting whatsoever.

Mich10 · 10/12/2007 14:07

No I don't believe so. I'd be tempted to hack up the patio and stick DH under it! What is it with grown men acting like 2 year olds and the stupidity of displaying that type of behaviour in front of a chils is beyond reprehension. At least tell me they were very drunk and this wasn't their idea of some sober tom foolery!

JodieG1 · 10/12/2007 14:08

Not over-reacting at all imo! Tell him to go move in with his friend if he wants to act like a knob every weekend. When do you get to spend time together then at the weekends if his friend is always there??

I would go mad if I saw shit up the wall and I'm amazed grown men think that's funny. Throwing a dirty nappy? My 4 year old wouldn't even do that.

Mich10 · 10/12/2007 14:08

Evidenlty that was child not chils!

Original poster
Imsofat · 10/12/2007 14:09

I really am fat. I feel awful, these past few weeks all I've done is pig out on chocolates and crisps and I feel so fat and ugly. I just feel down generally and I thought that was why they got to me so much.

When DP is on his own he is not like that at all, only when he's with his stupid mates like last week he came home from a christmas do covered in lager. He absolutely stunk, turns out he'd let his "friends" pour pints over him for a laugh.

In summer he and a "friend" broke my dads gardening tools by using them to break wood up, he was laughing uncontrollably at that too.

OP posts:
BeeWiseMen · 10/12/2007 14:09

they threw shit around your living room. It is not possible to overreact to that.

Why have you not thrown him out?

warthog · 10/12/2007 14:10

erm. unbelievable.

i would have kicked them outside into the garden, calmly. locked the door. and then taken the garden hose and sprayed them with it.

SantasSmartArse · 10/12/2007 14:10

Sorry, but I'm with Rookie. I can't believe a supposed adult can be so childish. I think it's really weird behaviour from grown men.

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 10/12/2007 14:12

As far as the 'friend' is concerend, no you are not over-reacting. Absolutely disgusting behaviour from him.

But perhaps you overreacted a little with your ds1. I'm sure that at 10y he knows better, but it sounds like he was probably following the lead of two (so-called) adults, and therefore I don't think should be severly punished, whether or not he participated.

BeeWiseMen · 10/12/2007 14:12

Love, if i was living with your dp i'd have left the chocs behind long ago and be on the gin for breakfast by now. Cut yourself some slack woman. He's turning your house into a zoo or allowing his friends to do the same. No wonder you need the odd mars bar.

Original poster
Imsofat · 10/12/2007 14:12

Last night I wanted to throw him out but he, his mate and ds were all against me and I was made to feel like a complete idiot. They made me believe I was over-reacting. I've not really spoken to dp since, he wrecked some of the christmas decorations too that took me ages to put up. I just feel sorry for DS2, I feel like they were taking the piss out of him.

OP posts:
TEUCHywithallthetrimmings · 10/12/2007 14:13

Not over-reacting at all! Plus, how bloody infuriatingis it when someone makes you feel like you are an old stick-in-the-mud just because they have done something immature and stupid!!

I hope he cleaned it up...

BeeWiseMen · 10/12/2007 14:13

a quick question - would your dp throw shit around his mother's living room?

mumblechum · 10/12/2007 14:14

How old is he?

Unbelievably childish behaviour. I don't know of any adult who would behave like that.

Original poster
Imsofat · 10/12/2007 14:15

he did clean it up but even then he was threatning ds1 with the dirty towel and they were still laughing even when I was so upset.
Then DS1 called dp a "shithead" and they all burst out laughing and I just felt like crying. His swearing was another reason he got the playstation taken off him.

OP posts:
Mich10 · 10/12/2007 14:15

Imsofat (which by the way I don't believe), I'm not only concerned about your DH's behaviour but on how it appears to be affecting your self esteem. Do you have some one local that you can talk to or maybe marraige counselling as a couple so that DH can understand the deeper impact his pitiful behaviour has?

On a lighter note I have an ex who behaved really badly when drunk, leaping out of third storey windows pretending to be batman, jumping on horses in the farmers fields, sleeping in alleyways etc and all I can say is that age has changed him. We're still friends and he is now the best father /partner that you could ask for.

PrincessSnowLife · 10/12/2007 14:17

That is foul. But DP and his friends sound like they have a very 'young' sense of humour so it was probably very funny to them, in a childish silly sort of way. And for that reason they probably think you are way to serious when in actual fact you are probably very very normal! Just ignore them.

rookiemater · 10/12/2007 14:17

Imsofat, I hate even typing your name like that, please please choose something that helps your self esteem a bit more, you sound very low.

Is there anything you can do for yourself, like say go to a leisure centre for a swim once a week or join a book club. Overeating is usually because you are unhappy and you seem to be holding back from frank conversations with your DP, are you frightened about what he will do or say if you speak to him properly about his behaviour when he is sober ?

Tell me I'm overanalysing and its none of my business but it doesn't sound like a great situation for you at the minute.

throckenholt · 10/12/2007 14:18

I would ask DP how he would feel if you went to his office with a mate and started chucking a poo filled nappy around.....

Ask him if he would overreact ?

turquoise · 10/12/2007 14:20

You're not overreacting at all, and I'm not surprised you're feeling miserable and lonely if that is the sort of respect your 'partner' treats you (and your home) with.

He sounds like a pathetically immature wanker IMO with no respect or consideration for anyone but his loutish mates. He seems to be teaching your dc to treat you in the same way.

I don't usually suggest ultimatums or 'kick the bugger out' - but in your case I think there's not much option - he needs to be taught that you won't accept this behaviour. I would flatly refuse to allow this friend back in the house and put dp on probation generally or else.

Original poster
Imsofat · 10/12/2007 14:21

last night he was actually sober, he was semi-sober when he broke the gardening tools too. When he's drunk he's a complete nightmare.

I'm planning on joining the gym in the new year but sometimes I just wonder what the point is. DS1 is constantly playing up at school so they're always phoning me meaning I cant really get a job either. DP encourages him too. He joined him at a boxing club against my wishes too and gives him alcohol sometimes, I think he wants to turn him into a thug that he can show off to his mates and I'm feeling detached from DS1 now which upsets me more. I feel like its me and ds2 against the "other two"

OP posts:
JodieG1 · 10/12/2007 14:22

He gives your ds1 alcohol? I would chuck him out for that, you said ds1 is only 10! I am amazed!

new2it · 10/12/2007 14:22

Does your dp act like this normally? Who cleaned it up?
You over reacted to having sh* thrown round a room? Jealous over a friend throwing sh*?
What a twank!
Sorry, but imo he is trying to manipulate your mind..
In real life you know 'normal' people don't throw sh** do they? He needs help

Original poster
Imsofat · 10/12/2007 14:26

"He gives your ds1 alcohol? I would chuck him out for that, you said ds1 is only 10! I am amazed! "

He gives him a sip of his own drink but its becoming more and more iyswim. On saturday night he left a quarter of a glass of lager for DS to drink and reckons we should let him have his own bottle of beer on christmas day

OP posts:
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