He said I OVERREACTED

[Imsofat]

My dp had a friend over last night. The same friend that comes over every weekend and I don't like him too much because he is rude to me, very childish and DH acts like a dickhead in front of him.

Anyway I decided to keep out of their way (see I have to act like a lodger when he's here too) and I went upstairs to study.

I hear all this manic laughing from those two and DS. I ignore it best I can until I hear DS say "mums gonna go mad". I then heard DP's friend say "will she say owt?" through his laughing and DP said "yeah she'll go off her tits, help me clean it up".

So I go downstairs to see what has happened and there is shit all up the wall which DP is frantically trying to wipe off with a t-towel but he's still laughing. His friend saw me and said "shit, think you're in trouble mate" and he's laughing his head off. DS is laughing uncontrollably and points to the floor where a dirty nappy was. I put two and two together and realise they'd been chucking a dirty nappy at each other.

Apart from the mess I was more annoyed at the way they'd involved DS1 (10) who is bad enough at the best of times without encouraging him. I was annoyed that they'd treat DS2 like a toy and I was annoyed that the 3 of them were making me out to be some kind of drama queen that they could all laugh at.

I told the friend to get out and if he couldnt treat my home with respect he wasn't welcome in it. He then said to Dp "looks like you're on the sofa tonight" .

DS had his playstation taken off him which caused a huge tantrum as he said he was only watching and later me and DH had a massive argument where he said he was sick of me over-reacting and that I was apparantly jealous of his friend.

So please be honest, am I over-reacting?

BWM - I think we may have and I don't think that's what she needed!

oh crud. I don;t know whether it would be a good idea to try to contact her.

I'm still here I'm going to talk to him tonight, firstly about his friend. Am I out of line to say he isnt allowed in the house again? I really dislike him and I dont like him near DS.

But looking at the big picture, the cracks were starting to show a while ago tbh, they're just becoming more visible now

TBH I think his friend is one of the symptoms rather than the cause.

By all means suggest that they meet somewhere else, but its not going to solve the core issues.

Good luck

thank the lord! I don't think you're out of line to say someone who gets poo up your walls isn't a welcome visitor again, but I don't think your dp will see it like that.

But his job as a dad is to show his ds how to be a man. Your ds knows how to be a child.

I'm rambling now but good luck....will come back if I can get my brain cells to talk to one another.

Not out of line at all. But it's not the friend who's the problem - it's your dh I'm sorry to say. You have to make it clear that you will not tolerate this and he can either shape up or ship out.

You obviously know what needs to be done to raise a child, create a good atmosphere at home, build a family. That shows through in your posts. You just need to know whether your DH wants to commit to all that - basically to commit to being a grown up.

good luck.

Good luck LivingWith.... Just think of your DS1 and what sort of example your DH and his friend are setting and no YANBU in banning his friend from the house. Stick by your guns for the sake of your DSs

Just o0ne point I would make - I would give your ds his playstation back - he didn't start the game, and is only 10, your dh is an adult and should have known better - you can't expect a 10 year old to be mature when his dad and his dad's friend are acting like feeble minded twats.

I have sympathy, this must be awful for you to have to live with.

Ok have read the whole thread now.

Monkey see, monkey do.

Your ds1 (and your ds2 in years to come) are watching you putting up with being treated like the shit on the sole of their father's shoe. They will treat you like this too - they have no reason not to. Everything they learn about being a man, they are learning from the prize cunt who wiped shit up your walls.

Your precious little boys are having their minds and values shaped by this 'man', by his behavior. Children learn constantly. Are yours learning the lessons you want them to learn?

Watch your husband and the way he treats you .... because unless you step in soon, scrape your self possession off the floor and INTERVENE with what that idiot is teaching them, you will be watching the same scene unrolling before your eyes in triplicate in 20 years time - you, and your sons' wives.

WOuld it help to percieve your foul DP as an actual threat to your sons' health? Because he is if he behaves like this. A bottle of beer for a 10 year old will probably make him sick (I don't think that giving kids watered wine with a celebratory meal is harmful BTW but that doesn;t sound like what LWVI is talking about). Sh*t is not a toy, even a healthy person's shit contains bacteria that you don't want getting in the mouth, eyes, or any little cuts on the skin. Throwing shit around is something one only expects to be done by
a) small toddlers, in whom such behaviour is excusable.
b) the mentally ill in which ditto.

or finally c) people who want to hurt, disgust and humiliate someone else.

Totally agree with Coldtits & Mademez's posts. Particularly Coldtits summing up of how your sons are learning to be "men", and Madamez's point C.

The friend is kind of by the by here. It's your repulsive arrogant husband who's the problem.

I know it's easy for any of us here to "tell" you what to do, and of course we can't, but in this kind of situation (and it's not just this isolated incident of course, but the way you are consistently run down by him) I would be issuing an ultimatum at the very least. More like telling him to eff off ..... though I can also appreciate how hard that might be for you when you have had your confidence eroded like this. I mean what sort of "man" sets a child against their mother and thinks it funny ?

I agree too.
It sounds awful. Overreact? sounds like you were the only normal reacting person there. Have you thought of trying counselling?

marriage counselling, obviously, I mean!

What the fuck.

If that were my DP, I'd phone his mother and explain that she needs to make a bed up in the spare room for him, and tell her exactly why.

Fucking moron.

That is not childish behaviour, it's just wankerish behaviour.

And I think that yes it is taking the piss out of your DS2, how sad. Your poor DS1 is going to think this is how you act to get a laugh, and that walking all over women is acceptable.

How you have not throttled him, I don't know.

As for his friend - don't let him in your house, in fact I'd get a fucking restraining order.

Sorry. Am livid on your behalf. I'm peaceful and soppy and don't think violence is ever the answer to anything but am imagining a hard kick to the balls. You can't reason with someone unreasonable.

Hope you are ok -sorry to butt in - I've been reading thread since you first posted it and really hoping things are getting better for you to deal with.

That's rank. Truly rank. Throwing shit about? And he thinks it's funny? Is the man a moron? It would seem so.

Show him this thread. Perhaps then he'll see what a weird guy he is. Shit isn't really that funny.

What he did is inexcusable, I wouldn't even put up with that behaviour from my 6 year old. Also giving a 10 year old a bottle of beer is wrong too.

However I am interested to know more about him. There must be a reason you are with him. What are his good points? How is he with the kids in general? Does he work? Does he listen to you and respect you generally? What are his other friends like? I always say you can tell a lot by a person by the company they keep.

At the end of the day only you can decide what to do. However if you do decide enough is enough you will get some fantastic support on here so don't be a stranger ok hun