Bit of advice, newish OLD relationship, ED.

[ArseulaUndressed]

Hello, new to this site and not sure who to talk to in real life as no one I know has done any online dating and not massively comfortable talking about sex with my friends anyway.

Met a guy a couple of months ago who I share loads of common interests with and among other things in his profile said he was a hopeless romantic, seeks similar type thing which is my bag totally.
First date was lovely and indeed romantic (nice walk and he’d brought along a surprise picnic) second date another walk and he’d brought flowers.
In between we are getting on really well, lots of nice texts and calls.
Third date we went for dinner (he’d asked to “take me out for dinner”) and when the bill came said, are you ok to go halfs? I wasn’t expecting that but fine with it although it did jar a little if I’m honest.
4th date we dtd… kind of. He experienced ED. Said it was a common thing, apologies and went to sleep. Two months later we’ve attempted to dtd a few times but not quite managed, however each time he laughs and says the “little guy” isn’t up to it. And goes to sleep. On one occasion he suggested I try to orally satisfy him (I did but I felt v weird about this) but not once tried to satisfy me despite having to abandon me midway each time when he loses his erection.
He recently suggested we break off as he feels I’m not trying hard enough to help him with his ED and that I should try more to get him hard again.
I feel like we’ve gone from nice dates to me trying to please him in bed being our main focus 🤔 and his needs being placed first.

Sorry for tmi… any thoughts?

Run for the hills

So much hard work for someone you don’t know that well! He doesn’t sound like he’s taking steps to address his ED and suddenly it’s your fault! What’s he done for you in bed?

Honestly walk away now and find someone who isn’t such hard work.

Also - no manners. Taking you out for dinner is just that. Should have paid for you both. I’m sure you would have paid next time. Has he kept doing similarly generous-but-not-so-generous things?

I'd have laughed out loud at He recently suggested we break off as he feels I’m not trying hard enough to help him with his ED and that I should try more to get him hard again.

File this one under 'lucky escape'

Your intuition seems pretty spot on to me. It's not good. Sounds to me like he is being a complete dick. ED is his problem and not in any way caused by you. He needs to work on that himself, while you go and find a man who actually appreciates you and enjoys making you happy, in and out of bed

Oh yuck, to the bin.... His ED likely caused by lifestyle/porn addiction etc and is not your problem to solve. The only person who can fix it, is him. His attitude reeks of entitlement. I suspect even if he could maintain an erection he would be an appallingly selfish lover. If he wants someone to focus on pleasing him in bed with no expectation of reciprocation, it will cost him a lot more than a picnic and flowers. That one needs to goes back into the pond.

Anyone with any common sense would walk, no run, away from this situation unless you never want to have sex again.
His ED is his issue probably too much porn and the fact he's not bothered about it and tries to blame you he gets hard went he watches porn, do it must be you means it's obviously an ongoing issue.

Plenty more fish in the sea. And get friends that you can talk about this stuff with!

I would have said "dump him" just from the thread title (life's too short to be in a relationship where the sex is shit from the start) but having read the parts where he doesn't even try to get you off and says you're not trying hard enough, it's actually "dump him, dump him right now, today, literally message him right now and tell him it's over then block and thank your lucky stars you got out in time".

Seriously. Dump him RIGHT NOW, the selfish narcissistic prick.

FFS, you really have to ask? You should have run for the hills when he pulled the cheapskate act at dinner. You are massively wasting your time.

He has tried viagra but still loses his erecting although he then said he just had a little bit (not a complete pill)?

There’s not a lot of foreplay… I’m really adventurous and like to feel like my partner knows what he’s doing and in control if that makes sense.
With him I feel like it’s all about him, keeping him hard rather than both getting pleasure.
I’m a bit surprised he’s not even tried going down on me.

Agree to end it because there's much better sex to had out there.

So dump him then..? What are you waiting for?

Run for the hills is my vote too.

It's too early for these problems.

Ahhh… yes. I think I just needed to hear that.
First couple of dates were so promising but yes.. disappointing after that and felt tight-fisted.
Needy and entitled totally sun him up.

I'm hugely prejudiced against men who say anything at all about being romantic and who bring flowers because every one I've ever met who does those things has been a weapons grade prick.

Conversely I feel for anyone suffering sexual dysfunction, but would suggest a graceful exit and a rapid block.

He sounds awful. What’s in it for you? Not a lot by the sounds of things! Bin!!

I suspect even if he could maintain an erection he would be an appallingly selfish lover.

Actually, yes… totally.

You need to stop flogging a dead horse....

Thank you all - exactly what I needed to hear. I was suspecting the call to finish it was manipulation and I think that’s the case.

I am so fed up with male entitlement it's untrue. Glad you have decided to dump him OP.

He sounds manipulative and unpleasant. Run!

He recently suggested we break off as he feels I’m not trying hard enough to help him with his ED and that I should try more to get him hard again

Big sense of entitlement and selfish in bed #nothankyou

Goodness what is with these men???!! I've experienced the same...do they just genuinely think ED is normal or something? Why is there no urgency to try to sort it out or at least compensate for it in other ways?

'Hopeless romantic' is a big red flag in itself. Sounds like he made minimal effort to impress you with cheap dates and now he thinks he 'has' you, he just wants to use you.

Ugh. Run away fast.

Let's compare our situations.
My DH has ED. He doesn't attempt to blame me for it. I have come to accept the situation as he is a wonderful husband & father. We've been together 30 years, through shit times and good, and I owe him a great deal of loyalty.

Whereas you have spent the bulk of 2 months trying to 'please' someone you barely know, who wants you to behave like the porn stars he is used to wanking off to. You're in the 'honeymoon' phase of a new relationship and you've never managed full sex, nor is he interested in your needs.

Hills >>>

He recently suggested we break off as he feels I’m not trying hard enough to help him with his ED and that I should try more to get him hard again.

Tell him to fuck off. To the far side of fuck. And then fuck off some more. Seriously.

You're not trying hard enough??!! The cheek and ego of this man. Tell him all the flowers and picnics in the world don't make up for a small. limp dick. Bit mean maybe but sounds like he deserves it.