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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband stopping all money

61 replies

xippo · 19/10/2021 16:29

I'm divorcing my husband, at preliminary stages so he doesn't know yet, on advice of solicitor.
He announced a couple of days ago he's stopping giving me any money at all, even for food. We have 2 DC, he's just buying his own fondant the moment.
I work part time and don't earn much, I'm grabbing all the hours I can though.
I have some savings, but I think they'll get eaten up with divorce costs.
Anyone else been in this situation?

OP posts:
LetHimHaveIt · 19/10/2021 16:31

Doesn't sound like he doesn't know, frankly. Don't you have a joint account?

ChubbyK · 19/10/2021 16:35

Is the house owned?

TeacherMa · 19/10/2021 16:36

This is abuse. He cannot just do that. If there's no way of you/him moving out, then contact a benefit advice resource and check your eligibility as a single parent, despite still living under the same roof. And get onto child support agency (I think they're called something else now) right away. You can't live like this so something needs to change immediately.

I'd also call Women's Aid for advice.

PermanentTemporary · 19/10/2021 16:38

Sounds like he knows and is lashing out. Time to talk?

Original poster
Xippo · 19/10/2021 16:38

House is mortgaged but lots of equity, he's a high earner too. There's no way he will move out.

OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 19/10/2021 16:40

Well he doesn't get to tell you who moves out the prick. Its up to the courts.

Theunamedcat · 19/10/2021 16:41

Evidence of financial abuse

Helps your divorce petition

Original poster
Xippo · 19/10/2021 16:41

He's really aggressive, I'm scared of him when he's in a rage, there's no way he will sort this amicably.

OP posts:
Original poster
Xippo · 19/10/2021 16:42

Yes, the solicitor has stated financial, emotional and physical abuse.

OP posts:
Nahhh · 19/10/2021 16:42

I was in a similar position. My solicitor got me an interim financial order in place. Unfortunately it all costs more though.

nimbuscloud · 19/10/2021 16:42

Have you reported the abuse?

Original poster
Xippo · 19/10/2021 16:44

I've been advised to report the physical abuse, don't want the police coming round though.
Nahh, was it thousands?

OP posts:
lightningstrikes · 19/10/2021 16:47

You need to speak to your solicitor about this. I would also speak to women's aid and think about putting in a claim for benefits based on your salary as a single parent. Have you got copies of financial papers, his wage slips, pension and savings information? If he's this awful it may be worth you leaving with the children. It doesn't sound safe to stay in the house, particularly if you can't afford it on your own anyway. So sorry op. What a prick.

Nahhh · 19/10/2021 16:48

Yes. It didn’t need to be my exH kicked up a fuss at every step.

If I could give you any advice it would be to be as strong as you can. I ended with a lot less than I was entitled to because I was terrified of exH and still in the same home.

If you’re separated but still living together you are entitled to universal credit of your income is low enough. That kept me going until things were more settled

Original poster
Xippo · 19/10/2021 16:51

Yes, I'm really anxious at the moment. The whole financial pot is £££££, solicitor has said I should end up with the family home, maintenance and spousal support and a lump sum. I'm not counting my eggs as he will do everything he can to not give me a penny.

OP posts:
Original poster
Xippo · 19/10/2021 16:52

Nahh, that's good to know about possible benefits. Sorry you had a tough time x

OP posts:
bowlingalleyblues · 19/10/2021 16:54

If there is evidence of abuse could your solicitor help you access legal aid? Have you ‘separated’ and if so can you put in a claim for child maintenance? Have you got anything in writing about the refusal to give money that you could use to evidence the divorce? - don’t feel you have to respond here, but just some things to check with your solicitor.

itsallgoingpearshaped · 19/10/2021 16:55

Try to get him to confirm his financial abuse of you and the children in writing (text) ... court will frown on this

ChargingBuck · 19/10/2021 16:55

@Xippo

I've been advised to report the physical abuse, don't want the police coming round though. Nahh, was it thousands?
Why don't you want the police coming round?

Is your physical safety less important than whatever social discomfort might be stopping you from getting the help you need?

SvartePetter · 19/10/2021 17:00

Can you claim child benefit? Even if he earns over the threshold, I believe you can claim and have it paid to you, and he has to pay it back through self assessment later. You should check this, I may be completely wrong.

Original poster
Xippo · 19/10/2021 17:02

He assaulted me about 6 weeks ago, I don't
.feel comfortable calling the police now. If he does it again I will though.My solicitor doesn't deal with legal aid cases

OP posts:
Original poster
Xippo · 19/10/2021 17:03

yes ive claimed CB for years, he has to pay it back at the end of the year, its the only money I had sometimes when I stopped working.

OP posts:
Longdistance · 19/10/2021 17:06

Can you not go to the police yourself to the station to report the physical abuse?

Original poster
Xippo · 19/10/2021 17:08

I was thinking that, just to have it on record, thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Xippo · 19/10/2021 17:09

just put everything into entitled to and it says he earns too much for me to claim benefits, id get £35 a week.

OP posts:
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