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Original poster

Charging adult children without seeming like a mean mum !

67 replies

purplemango111 · 19/10/2021 09:48

I'm a single mum and am now struggling to make ends meet despite working full time.
Both adult kids live with me and one has just got a job and other is about to start a job (on a lower wage than the first child).
What is the norm for charging rent these days to your own children? My mother constantly reminds me that she never charged myself or my brother but she wasn't a single mum.
Thank you for your thoughts and input ! :)

OP posts:
Original poster
purplemango111 · 19/10/2021 09:49

The heading should have said 'charging RENT' ! Sorry about the typo !

OP posts:
Notanotherchange · 19/10/2021 09:53

Hi OP, do they get their own food etc? Is it just rent you are after?

FrenchBoule · 19/10/2021 09:54

Sit them down with all expenses and divide them by 3.
It might be a shock for them to begin with with but everybody had to start paying at some point.
This is preparing them for an adult life and not being mean mummy. Budgeting is one of life skills and they need to learn it.

DandyHighwayWoman · 19/10/2021 09:54

‘Charging rent’ sounds awful, but contributing to the running of the house sounds perfectly reasonable.

JustThisLastLittleBit · 19/10/2021 09:54

£300 a month, a mates rate 😊. None of your mum’s business, surely? You’re teaching them about what it means to be an adult, plus you need the money. Simple.

Original poster
purplemango111 · 19/10/2021 09:56

I point out that they would be using up their entire wages if they were renting away from home !

OP posts:
2020isnotbehaving · 19/10/2021 09:57

It’s not reasonable if you are a single adult struggling with bills to allow two other adults in the house to keep all their pay and be on bread line yourself. At some point adults need pay their own way. If they spend 100% on larking around on having fun while you have 0 for anything for yourself, no way!

Boo65 · 19/10/2021 09:59

I charged my children, my son was earning 3 times what I earned. Pack ups, washing etc
I charged him £100 a week 10 years ago, he was more than happy to pay it

LizzyELane · 19/10/2021 09:59

My DM read in her Women's Weekly that children must pay 25% of their income to parents, so that's what I had to do even though I earnt peanuts in a secretarial job and she was a SAHM and DF a manager at the County Council.

girlmom21 · 19/10/2021 10:01

@purplemango111

I point out that they would be using up their entire wages if they were renting away from home !
But they're not living away from home. You could kick them out tomorrow if you wanted to.

Charge them as much as you've lost with them becoming adults - so any loss in child benefit/UC/TC.

They'll move out eventually and you don't want to be reliant on their money.

pog100 · 19/10/2021 10:03

I think adult children should be given insight to your financial situation. If you have brought them up well they should be happy to contribute fairly to running the household they live in.

Original poster
purplemango111 · 19/10/2021 10:07

All very good advice ! Thank you !

OP posts:
EdgeOfTheSky · 19/10/2021 10:13

Your Mum’s opinion is irrelevant as it’s different circumstances, different times. She needs to mind her own business or better still, support you. (Morally, not financially).

Now that they earn they need to think about all aspects of finance: budgeting for themselves, saving even tiny amounts on a regular basis, and cost of living.

Go through the bills with them, not in a guilt trippy way, but factually as co-adults.

I would suggest something like 10 or 20% of their wages.

GetAlongWithTheVoices · 19/10/2021 10:45

My parents didn't need the money but when we got our first jobs, on our second pay, we were asked to give £150 a month to them. It was very reasonable. None of us questioned it.

Danikm151 · 19/10/2021 10:50

Split the bills 3 ways and what a weekly shop would be.
This is what me and my mom did. Split 2 ways. Anything extra I paid for.

TreeRoad · 19/10/2021 10:55

What your Mum did is irrelevant - the circumstances, times and cost of living is entirely different.

It’s not unreasonable at all to charge them. They’re going to have to live in the real world one day and this will help prepare them, in terms of how much it really costs.

I agree with a previous poster - show them the entire monthly outgoings - food, rent/mortgage, utilities, internet, insurances…divide it by three and let them see their share.

Of course you don’t have to charge them that amount, but I imagine letting them see what you’re having to pay will help them see that whatever you’re asking for is reasonable.

NewlyGranny · 19/10/2021 11:02

Call a family meeting, have all the outgoings detailed and your income, and just say you're now three adults living in the same house, how do they think expenses should be managed between you.

You're still their mum, but they're not children any more, so there's no reason they should assume you'll support them financially any more. They aren't working for pocket money!

Likewise housekeeping jobs. Get it all in the open and on a secure footing.

NewlyGranny · 19/10/2021 11:06

And leave your mum out of it; it's none of her business, really.

HazelBite · 19/10/2021 11:07

It all depends really. I have never charged my adult DC's provided they showed me proof they were saving for deposits, but I am not a single parent, and as we live in the SE and housing costs are astronomical, there was no way they would have been able to pay private rentals! (I still have I out of the 4DC's at home + wife saving hard)
I think if you have lost any benefits due to them working these should be covered by them, however , as one of my friends found, you can become a bit reliant on "rent/keep" and it delays their eventual departure if by paying this they are unable to save.

NewlyGranny · 19/10/2021 11:08

Do you pay a mortgage or rent? Either way, they can be your tenants. If you own your house they will benefit eventually!

CodeMode · 19/10/2021 11:10

If you’re struggling, I think it’s reasonable for them to cover the extra it is costing you for them to live there. The other things you’d have to cover whether they were there or not so personally I wouldn’t charge for those.

LindaEllen · 19/10/2021 11:10

Everything split between the adults in the house seems perfectly fair to me. People on here have really funny ideas about not taking money from their kids - but splitting bills is hugely cheaper than moving out, and there's no way an adult would be living under my roof earning a decent salary and having it all as spending money while I was struggling.

ChloeCrocodile · 19/10/2021 11:12

I’d split bills (including groceries but not mortgage) three ways and see how much that comes to. If it seems like an amount they can afford that’s what you ask them to pay and explain simply that you can’t afford to subsidise everything.

girlmom21 · 19/10/2021 11:13

@LindaEllen

Everything split between the adults in the house seems perfectly fair to me. People on here have really funny ideas about not taking money from their kids - but splitting bills is hugely cheaper than moving out, and there's no way an adult would be living under my roof earning a decent salary and having it all as spending money while I was struggling.
But, at the same time, you're prolonging the amount of time until your child can save enough to be financially independent whilst making yourself accustomed to a new way of living that you won't afford when they do move out.

Is the end goal of parenting not to support our children to be able to survive out in the world alone?

ivykaty44 · 19/10/2021 11:14

I ask for my dd to make a contribution to the household bills, it’s about 10/12% of her income. Her sister paid the same percentage

The government has a set chart for what they expect of a non dependant where the household is receiving benefits

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