Charging adult children without seeming like a mean mum !

[purplemango111]

I'm a single mum and am now struggling to make ends meet despite working full time.
Both adult kids live with me and one has just got a job and other is about to start a job (on a lower wage than the first child).
What is the norm for charging rent these days to your own children? My mother constantly reminds me that she never charged myself or my brother but she wasn't a single mum.
Thank you for your thoughts and input ! :)

OP, doing a bit of research into the cost of a room nearby can be very informative and then adding on the bills etc.

My eldest would love to move out, (still in Uni) as would his friends, for the fun and freedom but the eye watering cost of £250 a week for some crummy room has kept him at home.
Several friends children moved out after starting working but all asked politely to return home after 6 months and were hugely appreciative of what they got for the all in charge...dinners, hot water, stocked fridge, warm comfortable home.
They were all slow to eventually leave.

The real world is an expensive place.
I rented from the age of 20 and paid my way independently.
I have never regretted it.
Being independent is a deeply satisfying experience.
I appreciate that things are more expensive now but my first salary was modest enough and I definitely had my share of beans on toast suppers at the end of the month waiting for my salary to be paid.

My mum used to have a policy of 1/3 keep, 1/3 to spend, 1/3 to save. That seemed alot tbh.
I think if nothing changes in my situation probably charge 1/4 of the food and power, the bills that vary dependent on the number of people in the house.

We dont or haven't charged our adult son on the basis was he was supposed to be saving. Turns out hes saved the total of £150 since february 🙄🙄🙄

Meant to say that I'm now divorced and ex has remarried so finances changed very quickly.
Both kids are happy to pay, it's more just a question of what is the norm and yes, I too want them to be able to save as it is indeed so much harder these days.

25% seems reasonable, 25% saved and 50% to spend

OP, doing a bit of research into the cost of a room nearby can be very informative and then adding on the bills etc

Spare rooms has many rooms in houses which are inclusive of bills, some will be room and kitchen only and some shared

Ds pays £300 a month.

He's disabled and that comes out of his pip and universal credit which leaves him with £230 to pay for activities / care fees etc. I think it's a bloody good deal considering his sister who also has disabilities has to pay £150 towards her care costs then £70 for bills and food on top!

I was charged rent the moment I got a job as an adult. Mates rates, but still rent. I didn't think my mum was "mean" I thought she was a normal reasonable person!

Charge rent!

Part of preparing children for adulthood is getting them to know that shit costs money

They should be paying for all their own food and individual bills like mobile phones plus a third of gas/elec/water/broadband and council tax

If they pay that they're getting a great deal and you're not 'out of pocket' yourself

My DC and I discussed this over the weekend. He really didn't like me calling it rent so we are now calling it 'his contribution'.

I told him all my out goings and what I had lost on CB and single person council tax.

He is working in a supermarket 18 hours a week and doing another part time role taking home £250 a month.

We agreed on 25% of his wages.

My adult ds has just recently started a new job and earns waaay more than me. I'm a single parent and self employed and recently started to struggle financially after Covid hit my business hard. He offered to contribute £400 per month and after lots of discussion I gratefully accepted his offer. It has made such a difference to his self esteem and obviously taken a lot of pressure off me. He feels good knowing that he's paying his way and knows that if he was renting it would cost him loads more. I don't feel bad anymore, I feel it's a great lesson in financial management for him and a stepping stone into the real world.

They should be paying for all their own food and individual bills like mobile phones plus a third of gas/elec/water/broadband and council tax

I was a temp in council tax for a while and had a girl sat in front of me, she had a court summons and couldn't understand why - she said she paid the bill last year. unfortunately she hadn't realised she had to pa it every year - promptly burst into tears. I felt so sorry for her, no one had explained, I did mop her tears up and sort it out and explained

My mother charged my £240 a month after I got my first job and a bit less whilst I was unemployed.
Renting a room in another house in the area would have cost me about £400, so I thought it was fair (when I wasn't comparing it to my non-paying friends).
I was also buying my own groceries, cooking for myself, doing my own washing etc, so if you're picking that up too I would say even equivalent rent would be reasonable.
It can definitely damage tour relationship with your kids, but they might also be happy to help. You'd know them best in that regard.

I charge my 2 DC £130 each per month, I still pay half their phone bill which will stop next summer.
I don’t need the money but don’t want them to think they can live for free. We all seem happy with the arrangement.

As someone who was charged as soon as I left sixth form I’d personally think a percentage is fairer than anything else. 15 years ago I paid £300 although my base pay was £365 (usually lots of overtime). There were a few months work dried up completely though.

I’d happily take 50% from their salary when they’re older. Take any money needed then pop the rest into savings for them. If they move out they would have less money than that and it will prepare them to budget!

@purplemango111

I point out that they would be using up their entire wages if they were renting away from home !

That's true but my mum took almost commercial rates of rent from me years ago. Then moaned at me that I was still at home and sick of my stuff everywhere quite sometime later

I was in debt everywhere after uni and post graduate and had not enough money for the first month of rent and deposit in advance on a room somewhere.

I told her I couldn't save up that money on my crap wage and pay her the rent she wanted. Something had to give. She kept charging me so she was stuck with me a while longer.

Instead of charging 'rent' which makes you sound like a landlady, keep the financial aspect of things family related. Sit them down and show them what the outgoings are each week or month of the family home and ask them for a fair contribution towards the family costs of food, heating, lighting, water council tax etc. Take into account how much everyone (yourself included) earns and what it costs everyone to get to work. Make sure everyone, yourself included, has a set amount left each week for spending on fun and clothes and for savings. You are a family of adults and all adults in a home help towards its upkeep. Only children are unable to do this.