Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please can anyone advise me on this I'm panicking x

68 replies

Flo1610 · 16/10/2021 07:33

:30Flo1610

Sorry this is a bit long. I'm in panic mode at the moment. Been with DP for 2 years, both separated from exh/exw. For a number of reasons I think he is cheating and may have one foot out if the door already. He can go, it's not been the best of relationships and he takes me massively for granted. My panic is my house. I bought this house with a deposit from the profit of selling the family home. I have a mortgage for the rest. Dp has his money from his sale in the bank. Much more than me approx 150k. He is what I would describe as quite a good earner (about 52k per year) I earn 25k. My problem is he has put some money into this house when I bought it. Probably around 10 to 15k for carpets etc.

Does he have any rights to the house. I am on the deeds, he is not. He pays half the bills but non of the mortgage. I didn't ask him for any money at all, he insisted, I was happy to do just a room at a time but he pushed with promises of building a life together in a lovely home. I have children who I want to leave the house to. I'm worried I will be forced to sell as I don't have 15k to give him now. I feel constantly sick, does anyone have any advice? Thank you

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 16/10/2021 07:39

Is anything in writing about it?

Original poster
Flo1610 · 16/10/2021 07:40

He also lies constantly. Sometimes daft things, sometimes big things. I left an abusive marriage and got into this. I'm so angry with myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flo1610 · 16/10/2021 07:41

Nothing in writing at all, he could produce receipts I suppose. He told me it's 15k he's spent, I thought it was less but stupidly didn't keep track.

OP posts:
crystalize · 16/10/2021 07:44

Of course you don't have to give him that money. The house is yours and your children's future. He chose to pay for the carpets etc, and so he should contribute as he was living there too.

Honestly don't have any more guilty thoughts or feeling panicked. If the roles were reversed do you think he'd be feeling worried? Would he hell. He's a high earner and has a lot of money. Just bite the bullet and get him gone.

Original poster
Flo1610 · 16/10/2021 07:46

Thank you Crystal, sorry i don't know how to tag. He raised that we are not yet divorced and said if my exh wants any of the money out of this house he won't get his "half" because he has the receipts to prove it.

OP posts:
RBKB · 16/10/2021 07:47

Make sure you check with someone qualified. But I think he would be unlikely to have a claim. Did he buy any pieces of furniture? Because if so, can you let him take them? There is loads of really nice second hand stuff in out of town bigger charity places.

It sounds like he pushed you into the spending so morally, it is not your problem at all that he can't take carpets!!

SerendipitySunshine · 16/10/2021 07:47

So he's been living rent free in that time? At very worst you could have ti give him a portion of his money back either when you sell or die, but it is very unlikely, and he'd have to go to court to do that, which could end up costing him as much again. Alternatively, let him take his carpets with him when he fucks off.

dunroamingfornow · 16/10/2021 07:49

You could offer the carpets back. They are fixtures and fittings not part of the house? Don't let him bully you . If he doesn't own the house with you can't you change the locks? Did he give you money cash each month or bank transfer ? I can't see how he's entitled to the house ? I also can't see how he could force a sale ?

crystalize · 16/10/2021 07:50

Aw we all make mistakes, I understand you feel angry with yourself but at least you now recognise he's a lying twat. Is he asking for the money? If so he's a tight arsed price. There's NOTHING he can do. Use your anger to direct it at him. Sounds like he's been making your life hell with his lies. Your children come first, get him out and be proud you can show DC you are strong by not accepting poor behaviour from your partner.

Original poster
Flo1610 · 16/10/2021 07:52

RB I do intend to get professional advice, but I'm paying for the divorce at the moment and money is tight. I can't afford thousands for a another solicitor. He bought the sofa which he can take. He paid for things like carpets, electrics and boiler which obviously he can't.

SERENDIPITY yes he gives me half of the bills but no mortgage. He saves more than I earn a month living here.

OP posts:
rrhuth · 16/10/2021 07:54

The house is in your name. You are not married. He has no proof you entered into any agreement re. repayment for carpets in the event of a split.

I do not see the difference between him buying a carpet or a draining rack - you own the house.

It will cost nothing or very little to get some advice from a solicitor. I do this on the odd occasion I am worried about something. I suggest you see a solicitor and then end the relationship.

crystalize · 16/10/2021 07:56

Tight arsed prick even ha. Do you honestly think he's gonna go down the legal route of getting his money back for the carpets?

Look at it as his rent for staying there. I personally would tell him to jog on.

Yummypumpkin · 16/10/2021 07:57

I'd be much, much more worried about your husband's claim than your partner's.

Original poster
Flo1610 · 16/10/2021 07:57

DUNRO he bank transfers it so there is proof he pays something. Yes I can and will change the locks when he goes.

CRYSTAL he hasn't asked for the money yet but knowing his attitude I think he will. And he doesn't know I know he's a cheating shit yet. It will all start when I ask him to leave. I was trying to get my ducks in a row but they are flapping all over the pond at the moment because I'm struggling to think straight.

OP posts:
RBKB · 16/10/2021 07:58

I think he is unlikely to have a leg to stand on. I'm a bit rusty but have studied property law. He would have needed something in writing to have a claim on property, or clear transactions showing he paid some of the mortgage. Clear paperwork says the house is yours. I would ignore him if he threatens you. The law would likely see the rest as gifts to be honest.

Dizzy1234 · 16/10/2021 07:58

£15k on carpets?? Do you live in Buckingham Palace?
I had my whole house, 2 bed, recarpeted and it cost a fraction of that.
He's trying to pull a fast one, ask to see the receipt.
Then if he did spend 15k, tell him that as the carpets belong to him he can take them with him.
You owe him nothing op

MatildaIThink · 16/10/2021 07:58

It can be quite a complicated situation and it does depend on specifics, things such as him being named on bills rather than just transferring you money. Speak to Citizen's Advice and let them go through it with you properly, it is far better that you know exactly where you stand and on what legal basis you are there, rather than taking the opinion of someone on here and having it blow up in your face in a few months time.

RBKB · 16/10/2021 08:00

The money he paid would have to have gone straight into the MORTGAGE account, to be clear. Paying for bills makes him legally a lodger. I think you will be ok on this.

IrishMel · 16/10/2021 08:01

See if your Citizens Advise have any free legal clinics as they do here where solicitors give their time for free on allocated evenings. But it is your house and you pay the mortgage and he pushed for you to finish the house and he bought those things out of good will. Let him take the sofa and whatever else he wants but he does not have a right to money as he gifted them to you. Just get him out, change the locks and enjoy time with your children. Stay single for a long time as you will enjoy the peace of mind and get strong in yourself. Sorry you had to go through all this.

MatildaIThink · 16/10/2021 08:03

To all those who keep saying "you owe him nothing", that is not the legal situation, which depends on specifics. Depending on the exact circumstances him buying the carpets and paying half the bills could be enough to establish cohabitation rights and a potential claim on the property. This needs to be sorted out properly, don't wrong it could be a lot more painful and potentially expensive.

crystalize · 16/10/2021 08:03

So he's been saving per month more than you earn while he's been living there?

He's been cheating on you and lies?

Flo darling, do not ask him to leave. You tell him it's over and kick his sorry arse out today. I'd have his bags o the step and locks changed.

You deserve better than this my lovely.

EnidFrighten · 16/10/2021 08:03

£15k would be a lot more than carpets, did he furnish the entire house?

Unless you have a written agreement saying it's a loan you'd pay back, I don't think he'd have a leg to stand on. Change the locks at your leisure and keep the lot as his contribution in lieu of rent.

Well done on recognising a cheating bastard as a cheating bastard!

crystalize · 16/10/2021 08:09

Matilda he hasn't gone down the legal route. For what it's worth, my ex was a solicitor...it didn't stop me kicking him out of my house. He did nothing.
OP can cross that bridge if he goes there, which I highly doubt. He will be threatening crap to try to punish you for dumping him.

beastlyslumber · 16/10/2021 08:13

Don't panic. He may well bluster and threaten. Let him go to the effort of hiring a solicitor and going through legal proceedings. He won't get 15k off you, but I suppose it's possible he's 'entitled' to something. But only if he goes to the effort of trying to get it. Just kick him out and change the locks and try not to worry too much.