Non-contact MIL and birthday card

[StonedRoses]

My DW is nc with her mother and entire family. I don’t fully understand it, or maybe even agree with it, but of course I respect her and haven’t had any contact with her parents (occasional text to her sister to ensure them we are ok).
Today her mother has text me to say a birthday card is on its way to our son and it’s recorded delivery because there’s money in

I really don’t know what the ‘right’ thing to do is. If my wife knows about it she’ll be very upset and distressed. But it seems wrong hiding it from them all. Do I try and keep a lookout for the postman and intercept it? Do I make an excuse to get them out the house? Does my son (11) have a right to see cards addressed to him? I have a drawer fill of Christmas and birthday cards and letters I keep hidden in case one day it is appropriate to give them to him or when he’s an adult

I have no idea what to do in this case

Your IL are not respecting your wife’s wishes of NC.

They are undermining her stance by attempting to contact your DC behind her back.

This action alone tells you all you need to know - they are happy to come between a child and their mother.

And you inadvertently are complicit in this sabotage.

It’s gets worse though … because that wasn’t enough for them - the recorded delivery is upping the anti of their boundary pushing and control. Know that. That’s who they are. They are not satisfied until they have broken down her boundaries and infiltrated her family.

Hi Stoned.

Back again, no answers and no resolution.

If this had been a stand alone thread I would have completely agreed with Attilla and Budapest but your story is far more complex.

Is your wife still seeing John on a regular basis?
I do feel for you.

I feel for you. It sounds like you've been put in an impossible position. Your wife of course can decide she wants to go NC with her family, but it isn't reasonable of her to expect you to support that position without explaining to you why.

I know some others might disagree with that, but if she has a really good reason, then why would she not share it with you? And as a grown adult in your own right, who was close to these people, and whose life is affected by her decision, and whose child is affected by her decision, you have a right to know why.

That would also help you to make decisions about things like the card arriving.

You are being asked to support something that you don't understand, so you will of course make 'wrong' decisions, or worry that you will.

OP, I have read your other threads and you are in a unimaginably hard situation but I feel like you are going to have to stop sitting on the fence now and decide for yourself where you stand.

I suspect that trying to be everything to everyone will take its toll on your mental health eventually and is no longer sustainable.

In your shoes, I would assume my wife is having some form of nervous breakdown, partly facilitated by her therapist and that she needs medical, psychiatric support. She won't get what she needs if she has no family, no friends and no husband to intervene and help her get well.

Of course there is the chance you are wrong and her family are totally evil. But your gut is telling you otherwise. I think you need to start putting yourself and your son first and tell your wife she needs to get a second opinion. Serious allegations of abuse need proper investigation.

If you can't do it, then I can't see why you are still together. Honestly. Are you sacred of the consequences of saying what you think? It must be indescribably hard. You have had some really good advice on previous threads and I think it's time now to act on it.

I read your other thread and I’m also confused as to why you’re still with her and still in this nightmarish situation. Is she still seeing the creepy therapist? Do you ever tell her honestly what you think? It does sound a lot like it’s all imaginary on her / the therapists part, which makes it very cruel to her parents. I couldn’t live like that.

The threads seem to have started in 2018. I haven't read all the posts, there's just so many and they're very complicated . The birthday card problem is the least of their problems.

I wonder if OP is coming back.

I remember your previous thread. What has happened since you posted about John? Is she still seeing him or did she ever see a new therapist?

to you and your wife