Is he being unfair or have I jumped to conclusions??

[Lunafeline]

Long story short, years ago I signed the dotted line for a loan for my ex-husband. Had to make myself bankrupt when we split and haven’t heard from him in 10 years. He recently contacted me to have a divorce so I gave him address for paperwork to be sent and signed.

I’ve been with my partner for 2 years and we live together. He wasn’t happy about me giving our address (wish I’d given my dads address) but I just wanted an end to all of this.

Today my partners bank account was hacked and he sent me a text from work saying he wishes I hadn’t given ex address as I don’t know anything about him. I said it was a random hacker, my ex has no clue about my relationship status. He basically said it was due to giving ex address that’s caused him being hacked, but how?? Ex knows nothing about him so how could it have been him?

I’m so angry right now and my partner thinks I’m being unfair. I don’t know what to think ☹️

I can see how the thought crossed his mind due to the timing but it should be no more than a fleeting thought, unless your ex was a tech genius and cunning criminal?

Yeah exactly, he has no way of getting any information on my partner. Partner is extremely cautious with anything to do with personal information. He doesn’t have social media accounts, he even refuses to set up direct debits!

Unless your ex is some top notch computer hacker I doubt he had anything to do with it.

Your current bf sounds like a bit of a bellend op.
Has he form for picking arguments? Or anything similar like taking huffs or creating drama out of nothing?

I don't understand how he thinks you giving an address out could possibly lead to being hacked? Does he never give out his address to people?

He needs to call the bank and ask them what happened. It's far more likely to be phishing or phone fraud.

It’s just the fact he keeps bringing it up at any opportunity. Now he’s said him being hacked is due to this it’s really made me angry.

X post
I'm now wondering if he's fabricated this to serve as an example of how his paranoia is justified...

Pinkbonbon- he can be quite dramatic. He’s just really paranoid about giving out personal details. I could understand if I’d told ex his name or something.

This is the message he sent that made me angry

“They’ve cancelled my card and it messes with my orders. I know you don’t agree but I wish you hadn’t given XXXX our address. I’m sorry but you don’t know everything about him xxx”

How would you have taken it? I’m genuinely unsure if I have overreacted.

Your OH sounds like really hard work. You didn't give any of his info to your ex. He's using that as a big stick to beat you with.

That doesn't sound at all nice, living, sustainable to me.

Is there no reasoning with him?

I'd probably have replied angrily

Stop being a twat!

Or similar. That sounds very hard to live with. I wouldn't want to be inside his head!!

That’s what I said in message back, I said if you continue to bash me over the head with this we are going to fall out. Please stop.

We have now had a row and I’m angry. He really doesn’t see that message is saying it’s my fault.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

X post I'm now wondering if he's fabricated this to serve as an example of how his paranoia is justified...

This

the fact he keeps bringing it up at any opportunity.

I know it's easy for me to say but honestly, I couldn't be doing with that. Regardless of the circumstances, when something goes wrong say his you feel, even if you are very cross but don't, just don't keep bringing it up.

That's no way to live.

He's being a twat. Giving someone your address isn't going to lead to his bank being hacked. He's using this as an excuse to punish you for doing something he thought you shouldn't have done.

@Lunafeline

It’s just the fact he keeps bringing it up at any opportunity. Now he’s said him being hacked is due to this it’s really made me angry.

I'm sorry op but i think he is deliberately using this bs as a stick to beat you with.

Be careful, this sounds dangerously close to abuser territory.

Oh he does! He wrote it at/to you to voice his displeasure. What else could it mean?

You might have one of those controlling, illogical ones on your hands there. I'm pretty certain I couldn't put up with it.

Your current partner is an idiot. It is either a coincidence, or I would not be surprised if he has made up the hacking story.

He sounds bonkers, does he smoke weed or do lots of recreational drugs?
Conspiracy theorist?
Unless he's 100% off-grid anyone can access pretty much all of his details online with a bit of net savvy or access to his bin!
I wonder if it's even true about the hacking? Could he have made it up to prove a point? (Paranoid conspiracy theorist here too 🤣)

He sounds a bit mad.

If he won’t even have direct debits how does he function? Does he use online banking? Or just use cash and write cheques?

Loon.

He can be a hard work but he’s not an abuser. He knows he wouldn’t get away with abuse and I’d walk. Been through it with a narcissist 4 years ago and I’d never put up with that again.

With the narc I was lucky I spotted the signs after a couple of months and I ran for the hills, I was surprised how much damage he did in such a short space of time.

No drugs and not a conspiracy theorist, just very paranoid about personal details. He’s lovely otherwise, but if this continues I’ll have to think about my options.

It would be a shame as he’s very loving and trustworthy. I really don’t want to have to start thinking about moving out but if he carries on with this, my sanity is worth more.

Just bare in mind op there are different signs for different abusers. All too often we think 'oh he nothing like the abuser I encountered before so he can't be abusive'. Abuse presents itself in many different ways.

Some covert narcissists for example, may constantly nitpick. Until you are exhausted by it. Where as others may never create arguments but may constantly do shitty things and make you exhaust yourself trying to explain to them why their behaviour is hurtful.

You've gone from one horrible relationship to another, OP. This guy sounds totally paranoid - what on earth is his reason for not using direct debits? How could your ex hack into his account with only his address? He wouldn't even know his bank account sort code and account number.

If he's trying to blame you for something that went wrong for him, then he's not a good guy.

I bet he's done something himself - entered his password in response to an email "from the bank" etc.

You are right. It doesn't matter who or what he is, if it has a negative impact on your mental health then you have to put yourself first.

Yeah that’s not right and so bloody weird, he sounds like a jealous teen. What does he mean you don’t know everything about him and trying to make out yout ex is some form of criminal computer mastermind.

Honestly I’d respond with “grow the fuck up or pack your shit up and go”

Men like this and women pandering to that shit annoy me. Lay it down for him once and for all.