I think my relationship is broken

[UnappreciatedAndHadEnough]

Much as the title says really. My boyfriend is a high functioning alcoholic and I think I’ve had enough now. We have 2 children aged nearly 3 and 8months. I took the boys on holiday for a week and it was great to not have to deal with his disinterest in us all. I posted a while ago about his alcoholism and needing to leave but haven’t yet managed it as I can’t find anywhere to rent. Don’t really know what I’m asking here, just need to chat anonymously.
He is now trying really hard, says he doesn’t want to lose me and live alone as he didn’t enjoy it when we were on holiday. He behaved like a teenager whose parents are away for the whole week. I have no enthusiasm for trying to mend things as feel like too much damage has been done over a long period.

@UnappreciatedAndHadEnough

pointythings is full of good advice. Phone Al Anon tomorrow and they'll give you the dates, times, logins for their zoom calls. They are also a relief to talk to on the phone. Just being able to be honest with a non judgemental stranger felt like a weight off my shoulders. I only phoned them last night and I've felt so much less frazzled today.

Thankyou everyone. I am so pleased to have you lot to message. I’ve got a house viewing booked tomorrow as I didn’t stop looking when he promised to change so I will go to that and 🤞 I tried talking to my mum a while ago and she just told me how awful it would be for the boys if I left 🙄 she is here tomorrow but I’ll escape in the afternoon to do some “jobs” and get my haircut (this part is true at least). Will call al anon. Thanks @pointythings for the number

You're welcome Unappreciated. I'm sorry your mother isn't supportive - I had the same from mine, everything had to come from me for the sake of 'preserving the marriage'. A lot of (especially) women project their own fear of not being in a relationship onto their daughters. You're on the right path.

And thank you, FanGirlX - as someone who has been there and has made it out on the other side, I feel I owe it to all of you out there to lend a helping hand. Life without an alcoholic in it is honestly so much better.

House viewing tomorrow. Just 🤞 I get this one. Very very fierce competition here and I don’t look that desirable to a landlords being a single parent student…

@UnappreciatedAndHadEnough

House viewing tomorrow. Just 🤞 I get this one. Very very fierce competition here and I don’t look that desirable to a landlords being a single parent student…

Can you not get him to leave?

Got everything crossed for you.

Managed to get to the house today. It’s quite nice. I’m just nervous about talking to my “partner”. Also, I will need a guarantor as the reference agency won’t count my student loans as income. This means I need my mum on side as she would I’ve to be guarantor for me.

He doesn't have to be an 'alcoholic' to accept his drinking makes you uncomfortable and give up.

I couldn't live with a drinker - I bloody hate it. The way we condone and accept boozing as normal in this country (or ireland??) is weird to me.

I hate to be pessimistic but there is nowhere to go with a boozer. And I agree with this statement: If a boozer gives up for you - you are also the reason he will start again.

I hope your mum will come through for you. It's possible for her to regret your relationship breaking up and still for her to help you - I really hope she does.
Do you feel safe telling your partner you are leaving without having somewhere to go if he kicks off?

@UnappreciatedAndHadEnough

I logged into the al anon zoom meeting last night. Didn't say anything, just listened. It felt like such a relief. Hope you can do the same.

I have nearly done it! House viewed, guarantor sorted. Just need to tell soon to be ex and we are good to go. I’m still hoping he will say he’ll leave and then I don’t have to uproot the boys but I’m not sure he will so it’s good to have a back up plan.

That's wonderful news, very well done! Just keep moving forward with your plans and soon you will be in a new place and without him. The feeling of calm and safety is incredible.

I still remember the evening I heard my DD1 sing in the shower a couple days after my husband had been removed by the police - she hadn't done that in years.

Well done, OP!
What a brilliant mum you are doing the best for your children I hope it goes smoothly from here. I know that wasn’t easy

Congratulations OP. Good luck .

Thanks 😊 I’ll be back this evening x

Well done OP.
I'm an alcoholic in recovery and he is displaying alcoholic tendencies.
He may stop drinking occasionally but without seeking help from AA or an other alcohol service he will continue to relapse it isn't just as simple as stopping even if he can, he needs to look at the reasons he does drink and is an alcoholic, without resolving this he will always be at a high risk of drinking.
If it was just as simple as stopping like he's promised he would and could have done that.
Get yourself and your DC out of that toxic environment, protect them and good luck