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Original poster

Low contact mother asking for money

82 replies

TomAllenWife · 14/10/2021 07:53

I am fairly LC with my narc mother. She will literally suck the life out of me if I allow

A few weeks ago she phoned in tears saying she wanted to borrow £200 to see a surgeon privately as she was in so much pain. She said it would bump her up the list.
I told her o didn't have it, and that in the current climate it wouldn't bump her up the list.
The result of this was she was seen NHS within 2 weeks and is awaiting surgery.

Yesterday she phoned sobbing saying a hearing engineer had come out and said her boiler needed replacing as it was leaking carbon monoxide. She said she knew I didn't have the money but could I ask my partner (who has money) to lend her £3.5k and she would leave him money in her will.

I have asked her to get other quotes as she doesn't even have anything written about the boiler. She said 'don't worry I'll just have to pay for it over 10 years'.
She has money on credit cards with ridiculous interest and I've asked her to balance transfer, she asked me to do it as it takes her too long!!! I'm working full time with 2 dcs at home.

She does well at making me feel guilty, and also she is my mother, but I also know she will take take take
It's stressing me out Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
TomAllenWife · 15/10/2021 13:06

I have spoken to DP about it today.
He says he was shocked that she asked without even getting quotes or finding out alternatives

I haven't spoken to her, I'm embarrassed for her.

How dare she!!!!! Just how fucking dare she!!!

OP posts:
TheresALotofKarens · 15/10/2021 13:10

She has no intention of paying you back.

Personally I would say to her she's a grown adult, she got herself into these bad situations with money and this is something you no longer have sympathy or time for and to no longer talk about these matters or ask for money off you. There's reasons why your low contact. Hope your okay op. Thanks

MzHz · 15/10/2021 13:15

How dare she!!!!! Just how fucking dare she!!!

Because she feel entitled, she’s been enabled etc

Say no, mean it and don’t get sucked into the situation again.

NC now.

sadie9 · 15/10/2021 13:16

Don't give her any money. Why would you even ask her if she got quotes? That is you mothering her.

Original poster
TomAllenWife · 15/10/2021 13:33

Because DP says he doesn't want her to freeze over the winter

OP posts:
TheresALotofKarens · 15/10/2021 13:51

@TomAllenWife

Because DP says he doesn't want her to freeze over the winter
She won't freeze, she clearly has money she just needs to spend out of her own bloody pocket than relying on you. Please don't fall for that crap. Sad
Original poster
TomAllenWife · 15/10/2021 14:20

I have just messaged her and said 'please don't ever ask Tom Allen for money again, it's not his responsibility'

I don't want to discuss anything further

OP posts:
MzHz · 15/10/2021 14:37

@TomAllenWife

Because DP says he doesn't want her to freeze over the winter
Then she can prioritise hearings over weeks away..

You’re not her parent

And well done for your message

Spot on

Drinkingallthewine · 15/10/2021 14:38

She's probably not even got a boiler problem. Or, she has and has a grant to sort it at a very low cost to her but thinks you'd be stupid enough to rinse for a few thousand using it as an excuse.

Nope.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/10/2021 14:42

"Because DP says he doesn't want her to freeze over the winter"

She really does see your DP here as a complete mug if he believes that of her. I guess too that he came from an emotionally healthy family unit, you clearly were not that fortunate.

Original poster
TomAllenWife · 15/10/2021 14:54

Actually not perfect but not as dysfunctional as mine

His parents are separated but I adore them both and their partners
They have been so lovely and welcoming to me and my dcs

OP posts:
Rizzoli123 · 15/10/2021 15:50

@TomAllenWife I would be reluctant to give any money. Espically that amount.

I also want to say i love your name. I adore Tom allen he is so cute. Plus we even share the same birthday 😂

DFOD · 15/10/2021 15:55

I suspect her bankrupt boyfriend is behind some of this

SeasonFinale · 15/10/2021 16:05

Seriously if the boiler was leaking CO2 it would have been condemned and disconnected right there and then. They may have said she needs a new boiler but it definitely isn't as bad as she is making out.

TeeBee · 15/10/2021 16:23

Can you see the two scenarios that she's using to try to rinse money from you?

'I'm in so much pain...I need a private surgeon!'
'I'm being poisoned by carbon monoxide...I need a new boiler now!'

They are mega-dramatic scenarios. Wouldn't you feel differently if someone came to you saying that they had problems meeting a bill this month but had plans how to get back on track and how to pay you back quickly? But this isn't that at all is it? She's using underhand techniques to get money out of you and your partner. Block her, change your number. All sounds a load of bullshit to me.

TipiForMe · 15/10/2021 16:59

Someone who is going on a mini-break with a bankrupt is not going to “freeze” over Winter. She’s got a big house she got for free - she can get equity there or downsize. Oh these takers with their “waif” act annoy me though! I hope your partner is not falling for the screaming tiny violin. Tell her it could be worse, imagine if she were living in Alaska!! Stop being so nice and take the piss out of her a bit if you’re up for a 😆.

But PPs are right. “Sorry we can’t” - whatever the ridiculous request - rinse and repeat ad infjnitum. I’d keep my distance generally if I were you. IME, such people always bring your energy and life force down (even if it’s subtle on an everyday level).

Original poster
TomAllenWife · 15/10/2021 17:34

I've had a reply it says

"Don't worry I won't be asking for anything ever again"

OP posts:
Elieza · 15/10/2021 17:44

“Don’t worry I won’t be asking for anything ever again” …

Was she playing a tiny violin in the background! Or swooning with a hanky at her brow?

She’s such a drama queen.

SockFluffInTheBath · 15/10/2021 17:45

@TomAllenWife

I've had a reply it says

"Don't worry I won't be asking for anything ever again"

Hoo-fooking-rah.

I give it 2 months Wink

Original poster
TomAllenWife · 15/10/2021 17:46

Yes Grin I can even imagine the tone she would use

OP posts:
Wishihadanalgorithm · 15/10/2021 17:50

But of course, OP, your mother will be asking for money again. She is a parasite. You genuinely have to keep saying no without any excuses.

She is an adult and can clearly look after herself.

I’d reduce contact massively.

TipiForMe · 15/10/2021 18:09

In her text she is clearly v angry. It’s sad to have a money grabbing narcissistic mother, demanding money for medical and house bills, but not much you can do except be clear in enforcing boundaries. She’s probably surprised you told her in no uncertain terms not to ask your partner for money. I bet she’ll give you the Silent Treatment now, which means peace and harmony for you.

Longdistance · 15/10/2021 18:14

She’s chancing her arm isn’t she? I’m so sorry you have a manipulative dm like this Flowers

Pea22ches · 15/10/2021 18:40

Don't let your mother know that your DP has money in future.

Toughen up. Make something up if you have to like there's been cuts in your DP work.. or just be firm and say no you have your own lives.

BudrosBudrosGalli · 15/10/2021 19:28

Fuck her! Go full NC.

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