Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!

[BelladiMamma]

Ok folks new thread, hopefully everyone will find is!!

Yeh, there's nothing to be ashamed about if you had one thing and it's a one-off!

You don't need to marry the guy to save your honour (and thank FUCK we don't live in a society like that).

I'd just meet and stay in touch see how things pan out (you may not even like HIM!)

if you want to change your dating strategy or try something new then do that, no harm done? I'm finding it easier with desexed dates right now but that's just my personal journey.

Thanks all. @springlikeBunk I'm feeling good. Its only been a month but really girlfriend is just a term and effectively we are exclusive which is what I want if I'm sleeping with someone. Im going to try and just enjoy it and try not to overthink or self sabotage like I usually do as this one feels different- in a good way

@Slothmomma it‘s these kind of stories that make you think patience pays off and sifting through the riffraff can be worth it. I‘m so pleased you‘re feeling good about things!

The whole ‚early sex‘ chat is a tricky one because i like to know early on if we are compatible but then after a few drinks you can think there is chemistry/spark there when really there isn‘t. But i waited a good while with MrNeighbour and it was horrendous so not sure how to play it really. Definitely see him again though and tale springs advice, get to know each other and see how you feel over a coffee date or a walk, something low-key and relaxed!

@Dazedandconfused10

I went out last night, it was so nice to be surrounded by friends who love and care for me and to not have to worry about dating.

Got a couple of chats happening no dates on the horizon just yet. One was suggested for next week but I've not heard from him since.

This is so important. My social life is 10% dating maximum! And the 90% is friends and family.

My WhatsApp and phone life on the other hand ... the percentages are the other way round.

I had a really wonderful day yesterday, which despite my kvetching about not being able to make the stars align with MrActor or my new current favourite fallback guy, MrDrummer, was probably way more nourishing than hanging out having a dirty weekend with them 🤣

@Slothmomma what a great update. It gives us all hope! I even heard from a POF contact, MrHostel, who had gone a bit quiet, to tell me that he'd met someone and I truthfully told him that I was delighted OLD was working for someone! So
Pleased for you ❤️

@Isitreallyme177 these financial outcomes are so unfair. I hope that your ex treats you with the respect that you deserve! I know you're still friends and it's so hard when something fairly major like that happens, it can feel as bad as a betrayal. Even though it's 'only' money.

@RayoftheTriffids this might be late and I might be going against the grain, but if messaging isn't working I'd try to speak to her. Say that you feel you need to talk as you're feeling out of touch with her feelings. If she's continuing to give you the slow fade and won't talk, then all you can do is respond in kind and let her go ❤️

@Slothmomma - Great news, congrats!

Interested to read about LAT (Living apart together) a few pages back, I hadn't heard that term before.
MrMud and I have a great time together, but we are both fairly set and happy in our own homes with our respective kids. We do spend a 3 day weekend together every 2 weeks at alternate houses and that works for us, but I did worry if that would be enough going forward. It's good to hear that there are alternative ways of living together, while still maintaining own homes and time apart.

I think LAT is the perfect solution for my situation (long distance, our work, my kids live with me, his 18yr old son lives with him) at the moment if things progress and become long term with Mr L. When my kids move out I would consider living together but am so cautious about merging finances again as, after just extracting myself from my ex I can’t see myself throwing my whole financial lot in with anyone.
He lives near the coast in a much nicer location than me though so I’d love to spend more time there in the future

Slothmomma I’m very happy for you! Long may things continue in the same way

Had a call with Mr L last night and he told me that he is working nearby this week so he has booked a hotel on Thursday so we can have dinner and hang out even though we are spending the weekend together at his anyway. I just love the way he wants to see me and actively makes plans to make it happen. I genuinely feel so happy when I see his name pop up on my phone and can’t wait to see him this week. 2 months and not one worry yet - this is a whole new experience.
Smitten 🥰

@BelladiMamma - yes I messaged this morning and we're going to speak about it, there's an issue around how much we can see each other. Which I totally get actually. Neither of us are that available and if you hardly ever see each other then what's the point. It's also thinking what it would be like in the future, whether it could change and whether that's what we're happy with. But this is OLD, so it could be that she's met someone who lives nearer by as we haven't had the exclusivity conversation...

@BelladiMamma I feel like those days / weekends where you hang out with yourself or the ones you love are so important to dating - keep it all in perspective and also mean you bring your best self in when you do see them! It's so easy to get all consumed by it.

I personally don't see how anyone dates more than one guy at once because if you're seeing him once a week then that's quite a lot of your days taken up? I also have hobbies, friends and me time I need to do?!

Lovely updates @Slothmomma and @MayEye yay!

@MayEye 🤗🤗🤗 another lovely update

@starstar84 I multiple date but I don't go on big dates or have sexy dates as first meets ... I have coffees and meet and greets which don't take up a lot of my time and I fit them in around the working day. And go in jeans and a jumper. I won't make the effort unless I want to, I feel no obligation to the first meets either.

@RayoftheTriffids I think you just have to take the conversation at face value and not second guess what she's looking for or hoping for ... it's all you can do really. Good luck with the chat 🤗

I’m new to OLD and just wanted opinions on this situation. Met a guy, getting on well, had good sex a few times. Last time we did it he very lightly slapped me. That night I texted him to say that I didn’t like it and not to it again, since then he has ghosted me. Everything else was fine, I’m not going to contact him but I just wondered if he has dropped me because I didn’t like that or I had offended him. It is just a weird situation for me, any thoughts?

@Leicat it's entirely possible that yes, he's dropped you because you called him out on it. But don't be in any doubt - you 100% did the right thing telling him you were not ok with it. If he's dropped you for that reason, rather than understand you're perfectly within your rights to define your own boundaries and communicate them, you've dodged a big bullet.
Don't regret, block and move on.

thanks @BelladiMamma, it was second date but still very early...thinking of doing coffees with others to get some more perspective. Sex makes me far too attached. We both agreed on text we don't do it that early usually so perhaps are both feeling a bit weird about it... not sure. It's ages till I see him again with schedule as well (well about 12 days which in dating world is a long time) so who knows how I'll feel by then! He's being sweet and consistent over text at least.

@starstar84

thanks *@BelladiMamma*, it was second date but still very early...thinking of doing coffees with others to get some more perspective. Sex makes me far too attached. We both agreed on text we don't do it that early usually so perhaps are both feeling a bit weird about it... not sure. It's ages till I see him again with schedule as well (well about 12 days which in dating world is a long time) so who knows how I'll feel by then! He's being sweet and consistent over text at least.

Don't beat yourself up about when it happened or why. It happens. I have sex on a first date now and then too 😆

It's just that multiple dates don't all need to be sexy dates, you can still get out there and meet people in a low key way, even if you've had / are having sex with someone else.

Maybe flip the script and enjoy the fact that your chemistry was sizzling 🥵hot. Don't question too much where it goes from here. Easier said than done, I know!

@Leicat

I’m new to OLD and just wanted opinions on this situation. Met a guy, getting on well, had good sex a few times. Last time we did it he very lightly slapped me. That night I texted him to say that I didn’t like it and not to it again, since then he has ghosted me. Everything else was fine, I’m not going to contact him but I just wondered if he has dropped me because I didn’t like that or I had offended him. It is just a weird situation for me, any thoughts?

People should be adult and responsible enough to talk to their sexual partners about this before they just go ahead and pull it out of the bag.

Our lack of sexual openness drives me nuts sometimes. Especially when it involves messing with someone else's boundaries.

So he's a coward on many fronts and no loss. I'm sorry you had to go through this ♥️

@BelladiMamma haha you're right re chemistry - we both agreed we really enjoyed kissing each other and, a few cocktails in, that didn't seem to be quite enough! haha. It was quite passionate and...intense tho. I think we both felt a bit embarrassed the next day because we're both a little shy in real life!!

@Leicat god he sounds like a real knob. Sorry you've had that happen. But well done for telling him. A nice guy would have apologised and understood. He's probably mortified, but doesn't speak to him having any character at all to ignore you.

sorry, somehow switched profiles between the last login!! can never remember which email address to sign in through and set up two accidentally ages ago!

[quote BelladiMamma]@Slothmomma what a great update. It gives us all hope! I even heard from a POF contact, MrHostel, who had gone a bit quiet, to tell me that he'd met someone and I truthfully told him that I was delighted OLD was working for someone! So
Pleased for you ❤️

@Isitreallyme177 these financial outcomes are so unfair. I hope that your ex treats you with the respect that you deserve! I know you're still friends and it's so hard when something fairly major like that happens, it can feel as bad as a betrayal. Even though it's 'only' money.

@RayoftheTriffids this might be late and I might be going against the grain, but if messaging isn't working I'd try to speak to her. Say that you feel you need to talk as you're feeling out of touch with her feelings. If she's continuing to give you the slow fade and won't talk, then all you can do is respond in kind and let her go ❤️ [/quote]
@BelladiMamma nah he'll never realise or appreciate, he thinks it was all fair (it was my inheritance too).

@Isitreallyme177 nice guy 🤔🤦🏻‍♀️

@BelladiMamma I was young and naive and thought marriage was forever. Not so naive now.

@Leicat

I’m new to OLD and just wanted opinions on this situation. Met a guy, getting on well, had good sex a few times. Last time we did it he very lightly slapped me. That night I texted him to say that I didn’t like it and not to it again, since then he has ghosted me. Everything else was fine, I’m not going to contact him but I just wondered if he has dropped me because I didn’t like that or I had offended him. It is just a weird situation for me, any thoughts?

That’s all rather crap really, he probably saw that in a porn film and decided to give it a go, really. don’t give it a second thought

FWIW, in my previous LTR (a few years back), my ex partner quite liked a more physical experience in the bedroom, and we had a few interesting chats about what she wanted from me !

[quote Isitreallyme177]@BelladiMamma I was young and naive and thought marriage was forever. Not so naive now.[/quote]
Big hug and been there!

@Leicat

I’m new to OLD and just wanted opinions on this situation. Met a guy, getting on well, had good sex a few times. Last time we did it he very lightly slapped me. That night I texted him to say that I didn’t like it and not to it again, since then he has ghosted me. Everything else was fine, I’m not going to contact him but I just wondered if he has dropped me because I didn’t like that or I had offended him. It is just a weird situation for me, any thoughts?

Yep, the ghosting won't be because you don't like something he did, it will be because you asserted yourself and now he knows he can't just do as he wishes.

Sex is a huge spectrum and what is usual for one is outlandish for another, so we do need to communicate. But the bottom line is, no-one should do anything to someone that they don't like, you should feel comfortable to say it and know that it's going to be respected.