Does anyone else ever wonder...

[TurnUpTurnip]

What they actually saw in their ex? It’s only now years later I can look back and be like what the hell was I actually thinking

Oh god yes! I was so in love with this abusive man from 2005 to 2008 and he was actually really badly dressed, and had zero ambition and was just an overall embarrassment, and I look at his pics now on Facebook and I am so embarrassed to have anyone know that I was with him, he was so beneath me in every way from the way he looked, dressed and acted, I shiver when I think of him.

You are not the same person when you 1st got together

We all go through various life events, work, personal, health etc which shape our mindset

And our partners do the same

Then it takes a while to realise and then a while more to be separated

Yes! I was so maddly in love, all I could think of was being with him. Twenty six year later (we just separated), I look at him and think: "What was I thinking? Was I blind? ". He is completely opposite of me and everything I hate in a person. He is selfish, rude and obnoxious, has no manners, he is cheep and he is not a person who is willing to help others, sacrifice, not even for his own family. He thinks he knows everything and loves to put people down and bully them for not knowing something.

Yes!
Insanity?!

Yep ! But I know that I was young and had zero self confidence at the time. He seemed so assured and confident, and we seemed to fulfil each others needs. Now I see him ( rarely thank heavens) at family functions, and there he is, droning on to some poor person , boring them silly with his opinions. He's the same person, I'm different . I'm just glad I saw the light.

Yes but a lot of introspection thanks to mumsnet and some therapy has highlighted why I got into bad relationships thinking they were good. To be honest mumsnet provided much more wisdom than therapy. I wish I'd known about it years ago. ExH aged 10 years in the first few years after he left. His skin is grey, badly receding, scruffy and unkempt looking and looks generally haggard. The dc have noticed how bad he looks and despite me thinking ha! Serves him right the abusive twat, I think it's very sad because the dc are upset by it.

Yes, I wish I could go back and warn myself before having DC.

You’ve all made me feel better that it isn’t just me! Worst part is I have kids with him, although I love them of course wow I wish he wasn’t their father!

OMG OP, yes! Just about every time I see him. We separated last Summer and I'm divorcing his cheating arse but it's amicable. When I look at him now I see nothing nice, nothing attractive, nothing appealing at all - he's simply DC's father.

Logically I know he's still tall, good looking, successful etc but inside I know he's shit, so everything else about him is tainted. I think the fact my boyfriend is the opposite of him - fun, caring, talkative, sharing etc - has shone a light on ex's shortcomings and made them all the more obvious.

Every striking day. I wish I could put my lapse of judgment down to a narcotic or alcoholic influence but no such luck. I feel embarrassed to know I chose him while completely clear headed. Ah well - he did give me a delightful DD so he was good for something I suppose.

I really fell for an ex of a few years ago. I thought he was tall, good looking, funny and kind. He turned off the charm when someone else was in the photo.

He looks old now and has awful tattoos. He's the kind of guy that can always get women but won't ever properly commit. I feel sorry for his new girlfriend.