Help! staying over with new man at the weekend and not confident about my body

[Zazu44]

Hi, please help, I'm staying over with a new guy at the weekend and I'm really body conscious and about 2 st overweight.

My last relationship was very toxic, and he hated it when I put weight on over menopause/ hysterectomy and was very cruel about it causing massive depression and worse. I had zero self esteem.
I've worked hard to get 'me' back again but my insecurities are raising their head again and I'm terrified about being naked with him even though there is massive attraction between us.
Do I tell him about the past and how I feel and what's happened or just go with it and be brave.
Any advice?

Can you do things like self tan, paint your nails etc so you feel like you are the best version of yourself?

Get some lingerie or nightwear that you feel good in and light some candles, dim the lights?

Presumably if it's fit this far he fancies you and unless he is an Adonis probably has worries of his own?

I wouldn't mention your past, I would just try to relax and go with the flow.

I strongly suggest he can guess somewhat based on your clothing and the way it fits you. In the same way you know most men aren’t gym hunks under their clothes, men know that most women aren’t gym bunnies under theirs.

However, I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’m also trying to date and could have written your OP.

Strongly suggest wearing something you love and feel good in. Don’t try to please someone else. If you feel good then you will be great.

A lot of people are two stone overweight (and more in my case) so I imagine you look better than you think. Maybe a chemise type nightdress would give you a bit more confidence? Or whatever undies might do that for you? Second the dim lights, maybe a glass of wine. A nice perfume always makes me feel good. I have a set I only really use for going out (or sexy nights away) which I have the body lotion and shower gel for as well. He wants to be with you! Go for it and enjoy.

Definitely don't mention your past. At two stone overweight i'm sure you still look great. Maybe buy some underwear/nightwear which is the most flattering and just go with the flow like a pp suggested. If he likes you and he's a decent bloke it won't even bother him what you look like. I understand the anxiety though. Good luck!

Thankyou everyone some great tips, I'll have a look at some lingerie. It doesn't help that he is like a twiglet! 😀 I think clothes can disguise so much, just been in some changing rooms today and those mirrors every way you turn are just hideous!

He finds you desirable and attractive. There is a heady whiff of sexual chemistry swirling around. He wants you. He is curious and excited for you. He is nervous too.
Firmly stop that ex business. He is a king twat. Banish him from your head.
Think now about fresh breath, maybe a teensy lady-garden trim, nice nails.
If you are eating, avoid beans and onions. Gas.
I found getting into bed first helped. As did a thigh length pretty robe for walking/sashaying around in.
DO NOT mention ex. Total mood killer.
Fingers crossed for you @Zazu44 I really hope you have a exciting time xx

Men like a bit of meat on the bone, even the skinny ones. There is a lid for every pot. I am overweight but I am big busted, slim legged, somewhat attractive and like a good ride. What's not to like? A lady who likes a man is a good shout. Men are only after the three Fs. Have a great weekend.

If he is into you, being a over weight bit it really won’t matter
BTW he will probably has massive insecurities as well around sex and being naked for the 1st in front of a woman he fancies, most men do

He knows your basic body shape, he fancies you, he's not going to go 'Actually, go home' when you take your clothes off, he'll be delighted because he'll be thinking 'YES! Naked woman!' - I've always felt body confident in front of guys because of this, despite my small boobs and innie nipples, big scars on one part of my body and so on. Honestly, men are much less critical of women's bodies than we can be to ourselves.

@Echobelly
Agreed

What are the 3 f's?

@Wizzbangfizz I was just going to ask that!!

Let’s be honest, 2 stone is nothing, I know it might seem it to you but to others it’s not. You see yourself worse than anyone else sees you.

Maybe lights off would make you feel comfortable? He may have some insecurities himself too.

Don’t think I’d tell him about the past….clean slate and all that

Like others have said, he definitely won't be looking at your body in the same way you do - he'll just be thinking "yes, hot naked lady" or "awesome, we're about to have sex"! We can be really hard on ourselves about what we look like but he knows what you look like and evidently fancies you so he's not going to be put off when you get naked - quite the opposite.

Ah the three Fs, food, football ( substitute rugby, motor racing, training spotting, shooting, whatever) and fornication. Taught to be by my much married mother and a good friend who was a lady of the night in the 1980s. It has worked for me.

Buy online, honestly don't go into those grim changing rooms they kill Anyones confidence. Hope you have fun x

I had similar issues. I am a bit overweight and need to lose at least one or two stone but have big boobs which men love so they tend to see past that other stuff that isn't perfect. I think there brains are much simpler than ours when it comes to the bedroom and we notice a lot more than they do

@Echobelly that's amazing advice I shall take it on board!
@2catsandhappy he is a king twat and won't mention him at all.
Just hard when you've heard it for years, it's almost that you're expecting some horrible comment after a nice one. He completely screwed with my head.

I will keep you all informed 😉

Good luck 🍀

My best friend and I are both slightly overweight women married to slim men. No complaints from either of them. In fact, my husband completely changed my own view of my thighs - I used to dislike them and think them fat and wobbly, he considers them shapely and sexy and grabbable (and was good humouredly slightly disappointed when I lost two stone and the legs slimmed down!). What do you like best about your own body, and how can you accentuate those features? I have awesome boobs so a nice bra is always a good thing for my confidence.

Get yourself some good quality fake tan all over. It really does wonders. The Ashley Graham St Tropez one is good.

Does he look like Brad Pitt? Has he got a body like Anthony Joshua?

Thought not. In which case, he will have his insecurities, too, and that’s completely normal. But he obviously fancies you just as you are and he’s obviously looking forward to getting intimate with you so don’t worry, relax and enjoy. Good luck!

Think of it this way - is he really going to complain that your boobs are too big and he's changed his mind when they're right in front of him?

Slightly more seriously, he's human, too. He could be worried about whether you think he's too small or whether he'll be able to perform. Or he's just really, really looking forward to the weekend and the possibility of touching those boobs.

Men just love boobs. Any kind - big, small, uneven. I dont think they care very much :)