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Original poster

Mil is my ds childminder and she thinks she has all rights on him!!help!!!

54 replies

holidayneeded · 08/12/2007 14:23

She sometimes looks after ds as i go to work 2/3 days'week... she is a real control freak...and does not respect my wishes. For example, when i say do not cut his hair too short, she will do it as short as she can as she claims that ds will eat better this way....she tells me what to cook for him and thinks her cooking is better than mine, tells me how not to dress him up( at 18 month he should stilll wear a one piece suit)...whenever i mention anything she does as if she knows better and always disagree with me...always mentions how skinny my son is and that if he put on 1 or 2kgs, he will be better...and seems to think that i do not feed him as well enough...that and a lot more drives me crazy as i do not seem get any respect but i rely on her...i am seriously thinking of changing him to nursery but i do not trust them...i am stuck....
am i being unreasonable? i need advise please...
btw, dp fed up with it and does not seem to support me...

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 08/12/2007 14:27

i think that you do need to change to an alternative

why don't you trust nurseries? DS goes to a great nursery (been there a year) - you can get a registered list from your local council

if your childcarer doesn't respect your wishes (whoever they are) then it is time to change

NAB3littlemonkeys · 08/12/2007 14:28

Why in God's name will having shorter hair help your child eat?

You need to stand up for yourself and either make her listen or look for alternative child care.

CarGirl · 08/12/2007 14:33

time to find alternative childcare, a professional CM or a nursery.

edam · 08/12/2007 14:34

agree you need to find a nursery or childminder. There's a government website called something like childcarelink where you can find ones near to you. And if money's an issue, look into tax credits for childcare or workplace vouchers.

goingfor3christmaspuddings · 08/12/2007 14:36

This is the main reason family care doesn't work especially if you have different ideas about child rearing. I've never heard of short hair giving a better appitite!

YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice · 08/12/2007 14:40

If you don't like it, find an alternative. Your child, your rules. If she can't accept that then it is up to you to sort it out! Take back the power!

Original poster
holidayneeded · 08/12/2007 14:41

she is very old fashion...
the reason why i do not trust nurseries is that my ds really does not eat well already even wit me and he has never been left alone with strangers....
or when he was for just an hour, he would cry his head off...
i feel sorry for him as he is happy at his grandma's he has 2 cousins there and i read that a boy should not be left in nurseries befor 3 years old as it will affect their confidence and make them feel abandoned

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 08/12/2007 14:45

don't know where you read that about nurseries and boys but that makes me

anywya, you aren't happy with your MIL, so if you think a nursery wouldn't suit your DS then use a childminder

if you used a CM or nursery, your LO would have settling in sessions where he would get used to his new environment

Sidge · 08/12/2007 14:48

You may find he eats better at nursery, surrounded by other children that eat well (my DD1 certainly did).

And I would not be happy with any childcare arrangement that didn't respect my wishes and acknowledge that it is MY child, not theirs.

Also a good nursery can actually boost confidence and social development so I wouldn't worry too much about what you read. For every report that says nursery is not good for children you can find ten others that say it is fine.

coldtits · 08/12/2007 14:50

Find a different child minder then, one that isn't mental.

Ispy · 08/12/2007 14:54

I think you know you need to change the situation.

Either talk to your MIL and ask her to respect your wishes (you can do this in a well rehearsed, respectful manner). Or look for alternative care.

SantaBeClausImWorthIt · 08/12/2007 14:59

Would definitely get out of the MIL situation. That is a battle you're never going to win, especially if dp isn't supporting you.

But I have to say that it does sound like you're a bit of an over anxious/protective mother, if you also don't trust your nursery.

No-one will ever look after your child like you, but that doesn't mean to say that it won't be good childcare. And if your ds is having eating problems then nursery might be a very good solution, as he observes what everyone does and is treated the same as they are.

iloveabargain · 08/12/2007 15:00

I agree with sidge. Ds1 eats better at nursery because he surround by his friends. He's been going there for 2 years (is now 2.9yrs) and I'm positive that his nursery attendance has helped his confidence, social skills etc.

Original poster
holidayneeded · 08/12/2007 15:02

Sorry rubyslippers, i did not mean to offend u at all . i am worried that my son will not settle well and then mil will say things again...i wish i could shut her mouth sometimes...believe me this situation really tears me apart....i cannot afford to stop working but what if i decided to take ds away from mil and he is not happy??? there is no way back!! Ispy, had fallen out with her already last month when she was not happy about ds going to see my parents who live 7h away as she thinks he is already skinny and making him travel so often (once a month or every other month) will make him worse....i understand by that that she does not want my son to see my parents very often (yes girls according to her, the msn is enough for my son to see his grandparents, why go so often hey???

OP posts:
coldtits · 08/12/2007 15:08

Holidayneeded, it doesn't matter what she thinks, or says, about the way you raise your son. It's none of her business. Find another childcarer, because she is adding to your anxiety about your son and really does sound like she is trying to take over. It is not her concern who he sees, how often or when, and unless he is in and out of hospital purely because his weight is lifethreateningly low, nothing will affect it anyway. She is using his weight as a stick to beat you with, a way to ensure you do as you are told.

How can having shorter hair make him eat? It can't, but she has cleverly tapped into your fears in order to keep her grandson's hair as short as she wants it. How will traveling affect his weight? It won't, but again, she doesn't want him seeing his other grandparents in case they have their own ideas about how things should be done, so she whips you with the weight lash again.

Find another child carer, and inform her of this with VERY little notice. Take your son to the doctor's while you are at it, so you KNOW he is ok.

Original poster
holidayneeded · 08/12/2007 15:09

btw, at the nurseries, do they tell u what he eats and how much? Ds at his age is a bit of a pain as he still can not chew well and he gets too many bits he will vomit...which means that i have to puree the food...

OP posts:
coldtits · 08/12/2007 15:10

holidayneeded if you ask them to keep a food diary they will. By the way, he is more likely to vomit on bits if you are spoon feeding him. Let him feed himself.

coldtits · 08/12/2007 15:11

But get him weighted first, because you may find he is NOT too thin at all.

iloveabargain · 08/12/2007 15:13

At ds nursery they give me a little report sheet which details what he's had to eat (breakfast, snack and lunch) and whether he ate it all or not (along with how many wet or dirty nappies, if he's slept at all, and how he's been in general)

I should imagine that all good nurseries or cm would do something similar

Sidge · 08/12/2007 15:13

Most nurseries will keep a food diary for you if you ask them to.

But if you puree his food at 18 mths he won't learn how to eat well though. If you don't give lumps he won't learn how to deal with them. It is quite rare for a child to choke on lumpy or solid food, they may gag as they learn to deal with it but gagging is normal and very different to choking. If you are concerned about his ability to manage normal food then it might be worth seeing the GP.

Can he manage finger foods?

Original poster
holidayneeded · 08/12/2007 15:19

he can manage finger foods but will eat very slowly...he is quite small i must say (9.5kgs) but heightwise he is ok i think (about 79 cms)...i would not have worried so much if i did not constantly have to talk about it with mil...
he does sometimes spoonfeeds himself but he only eats little...btw, he can not take dessert after a 250g portion as he will vomit...
have had lots of tests done,...nothing wrong with him...

OP posts:
coldtits · 08/12/2007 15:22

His stomach is the size of his fist. Instead of trying to give him more food than he can handle, try to raise the calorie content of his food with cream, cheese, butter, and also fried food is not bad for babies.

I think sending him to a nice nursery where the staff will smile, nod, do as they are told and report it back to you would be so much better than battling the battleax!

SantaBeClausImWorthIt · 08/12/2007 15:23

TBH holidayneeded, it sounds like nursery would be a really good idea as it will be someone independent/objective who can look after your ds. It sounds as if between your concerns and MIL's interfering that you have things out of perspective!

Glad to hear that tests show nothing is wrong with him.

coldtits · 08/12/2007 15:23

HN they do eat very slowly, honestly. That's normal.

coldtits · 08/12/2007 15:24

And 250g of food is a LOT. My 4 year old barely eats that on a good day - it's only slightly smaller than an adult ready meal!

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