Hi, so I don't know where to begin.
2 months ago my husband of 12 years made a online friend a women from a different country (they both stream games) and I noticed there talking was seeming a little more then friend. He kept talking about her all the time. He was constantly private messaging her if he wasn't doing that they where in voice chats watching films or in each others game streams chatting or playing games with each other. While this was going on he basically stopped spending anytime with me and reduced all type of communication as he was to busy taking with this women. I brought the subject up about the amount he was spending with her and how I felt pushed away and replaced and the way he was acting was brining up lots of red flags and I was uncomfortable with the constant messaging. He assured me they where just friends and he didn't realise how much they where talking. And he would calm down with the messaging. But he also told me he had never met anyone like her before that he had connected with they have so much in common and he can talk to her about anything. So as I was reassured in the first half of the convo that comment made me feel worse. Nothing changed although he said he had stopped talking as much but I noticed it even more. We had multiple talks about. He changed his sleep pattern and was sleeping when she did in her country and was awake all night talking to her. (Although he said it wasn't for this reason) he was discussing and still is discussing our relationship with her even after she new how I felt about them talking so much. I asked him if i seen there messages would I be ok with the convo and he said probably not no( there all full of and he said it's all in a friend way I love yous and hearts and him telling her how much he appreciates and thinking about each other and making each other smile and how much they love spending time together from the moment they wake till bed time and he's never gonna not talk to her because she means so much to him. And I asked him if he has told her I am not ok with it all and he didn't respond. So I sent her a message as I felt like he was telling her it was fine and telling me he wouldnt do it constantly we have 2 kids so he's not spending time with them either as his phone was constantly in his had and he was in voice calls with her while I'm at.work and then kids are awake. I just felt like 2 weeks of talking was going no where and I wanted to explaine to her been in American college ( where both in our 30s) that he has 2 kids and he can't talk to her 24/7 and that I'm not ok with the amount they talk.
I never once said they couldn't talk just that there is a time and a place and the amount is way too much. Like I'm worried he's gonna her fired as he's still constantly messaging her at work too.
And everytime we talk I feel like we have moved forward I asked him if they could cool off voice chatting and cut down on the talking while I process my feelings as I do trust him and he has explained some things to me as a lot of his comments made it seem worse then it was his words. And I want to I said I just need sometime as I can't just switch off my feelings and we had 2 days where I think they didn't talk as much and everything seemed really good we connected we talked we snuggles and watched t.c ectect. And then the next day he was back to the same thing. Then asked me if he could watch a movie with her. And I explained as I had 2 days before to give me some more time so I can process everything that's happening. And I was a little annoyed that he would ask when it was 24 hours since our last conversation about this. He seemed.to agree and didn't know why he asked and then where to last night I went to bed and when I came down they where in a voice chat and I flipped out and walke doit of the house in the middle of the night and he didn't really seem to care how much this upsets. There is a lot more info but I think I have typed enough am I just been crazy because he thinks I am. As I don't want to stop him having a friend he gets alone with but I also still want to have my husband actually want to spend time with me as we did all the things he now does with her. But I really think he doesn't care if I leave as long as he has her to talk to. As he told me last night he doesn't understand why I'm upset even after all the convos explaing why and I'm been rediculace because he has a friend and he isn't giving up her friendship for anyone. Any advice from a outside prospective kind regards