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Original poster

Divorce Settlement - thoughts?

58 replies

lilypooh · 06/10/2021 10:47

I had my decree absolute in jul 19 but in Aug 19 received papers in the post for a divorce settlement.

Nutshell info
Married 2 yrs 9 months
Have 1 child together now 8 (I have two sons from previous)
I owned family home years before he moved in.
He paid nothing into home. (Ie no lump sum to equal the status -just 650 to help pay bills and kept the rest of his wage approx 1500)
I have equity of around 100k
He has a pension around 400k

He wants a settlement of 45k from me. I can’t afford. On UC and low income etc. Also, he didn’t put in so why try to take out is my philosophy. And he has much higher assets.

Final court hearing in 6 weeks. Eeek. I have no solicitor as can’t afford. Any help or ideas appreciated.

OP posts:
TheTrinity · 06/10/2021 11:30

You need to contact Citizens Advice Bureau asap for free legal advice if possible. Also lots of solicitors will give a free 30 mins advice so I would try calling a few in your local area. It appears to be an unreasonable settlement request from him. Are your 2 sons still under 18? If so that means you have 3 dependent kids. You don't say your pension so assume you don't have one and it was your own home so not a jointly owned marital home.

Wherearemymarbles · 06/10/2021 11:38

You’re entitled to a decent slug of his pension and other assets.

You so do need legal advise as you may end up keeping all the equity and getting more on top

LemonTT · 06/10/2021 11:51

Relevant issue would be not the length of the marriage but how long you lived together. You have an 8 year old child so presumably longer than 3years. Basically the time you lived together will be used to assess the length of the marriage.

The house is a marital asset. You might be able to argue for a bigger share because of a number of factors. First is that you have three children under 18 who are dependent and need to be housed. He has only one by the sound of it. Secondly the length of the marriage is short - but you need to take account of time lived together. Your income will be another issue that will allow you to argue for a larger share of the house. Finally just as he is entitled to a share of the house so are you entitled to a share of his pension.

It would be better to get a solicitor if you can and you will need to get one to at least advise on the final agreement. In the meantime write back to him informing him that you do not accept his offer. Instead you expect to retain all equity in the home and 50% of his pension value.

That’s probably unreasonable but it matches his ludicrous offer. Tell him if he doesn’t agree to this he should arrange mediation. This is where you can sensibly work things out. Also remember a judge will sign it off and won’t agree to anything daft or unfair.

You can possibly secure 100% equity if you forgo entitlement to the an equal share of the pension. But it is also possible that part of the pension (earned before the relationship) could be excluded.

At the end of the day neither of you will be happy with the outcome. But you got married and that meant you both agreed to share your worldly goods. Now you have to untangle that and the law is a blunt tool that won’t take account of your opinion.

BananaPB · 06/10/2021 12:01

You need legal advice.
The short marriage works in your favour and the pension is a good bargaining chip.

Bunnies53 · 06/10/2021 12:44

For reference, we lived together three years - he lived away before that.

I asked for a clean break but he won’t budge. He thinks my family should pay him out.

I can’t afford a solicitor but have managed to get some advice along the way but they won’t give you any real ideas without taking the case in and reading it in full sadly. Thanks for answers so far.

No chance of mediation - he wants cold hard cash from me that I just don’t have!

I don’t have a pension to speak of either - it’s worth 10k and was long before we got together.

Maybe I should put in an offer to settle as ludicrous as his!

Rainbowqueeen · 06/10/2021 12:57

Play hardball. If he won’t mediate then go to court. You can self represent.

Assuming you have no other assets other than house and pensions he is saying that he should keep 90 percent of the assets ie pension and almost half the house. No judge will ever sign off on that. Neither should you.

mudispelltemple · 06/10/2021 12:58

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coronabeer · 06/10/2021 13:05

Other factors are how much does your stbxh earn and can he afford to house himself? How much time does your joint son spend with him?
How much is the house worth overall? How old are you both?

On the face of it, it seems unlikely you'll have to pay your stbxh anything. Short marriage won't help him.

MoreStuffingMatron · 06/10/2021 14:26

Only a solicitor with knowledge of your circumstances can give you accurate advice OP.

The critical factor in your husband’s case is the length of your relationship (8 years) not the length of your marriage.

There is an argument to be had about how long you were actually together if you broke up then reconciled. Hypothetically however the danger is that eight years is not a short relationship so the starting point for the courts might be a clean break and a 50/50 share of all joint assets and debts.

Assuming you didn’t get a pre nuptial agreement ring fencing the house as your asset a judge MIGHT simply order a 50/50 share of:

-equity in the house
-savings and debts
-pensions
-all other assets

and order the house to be sold if you can’t afford the mortgage on your own income perhaps topped up with some spousal maintenance, or your ex can’t afford/doesn’t want to buy you out

It’s hardly fair OP. but this is what you could be facing.

I do mean this kindly I urge you to find a solicitor or direct access barrister to represent you in court. You can usually get a fixed fee arrangement.

Hont1986 · 06/10/2021 15:39

Why would the length of the relationship matter, I thought it was only the length of the marriage that mattered in a divorce?

Bunnies53 · 06/10/2021 16:21

Also surely it is length of cohabitation which was 3 years and not length of marriage. Do you share assets prior to cohabitation?

LemonTT · 06/10/2021 19:02

If you live together and then get married the relationship counts from when you got together. It’s a thing. Couldn’t tell you why but there will be a precedent in law.

MiddlesexGirl · 06/10/2021 19:09

But OP says they didn't live together prior to marriage. Or at least only for a very short while.

Lots of useful info here OP www.advicenow.org.uk/tags/divorce

category12 · 06/10/2021 19:32

If he reckons he's entitled to nearly half the equity of your home, then you must be equally entitled to nearly half his pension.

You need to fight back.

Teeturtle · 06/10/2021 20:12

[quote MiddlesexGirl]But OP says they didn't live together prior to marriage. Or at least only for a very short while.

Lots of useful info here OP www.advicenow.org.uk/tags/divorce[/quote]
They have an eight year old child, so the relationship will be treated like a marriage for at least eight years.

Teeturtle · 06/10/2021 20:13

*because they subsequently married.

bigbaggyeyes · 06/10/2021 20:20

The starting point is 50/50, this includes all marital assets. If this was to be the case then it would be £250k each (100k equity in the house and 400k pension) So if you kept the house then he'd need to provide you with £150k in either cash or pension shares.

However because the marriage is less than 5 years you might find you can walk away with what you both brought to the marriage. He keeps pension and you keep the house.

You also need to take into consideration you've got a child and how that impacts you. Have you given up work etc etc. this might mean you're entitled to more of the settlement

Personally I'd seek legal advice initially and take it from there.

I do however very much doubt you need to give him 45k as a settlement

MollyButton · 06/10/2021 20:30

I'd really suggest you do get some legal advice, you can get some for far less than 45K. And a pension can be a huge asset.

Couldhavebeenme3 · 06/10/2021 20:42

Head over to the wikivorce website and forum, got me through my divorce and financials op. Good luck, and don't sell yourself short.

(FWIW I think length of marriage and cohabitation could make a difference, but any percentage of the increase in equity during your time together will be more than offset by his pension over the same period. Don't panic)

Savingsun7 · 06/10/2021 20:43

See if your family can help with a solicitor. He is trying to bully you into accepting his deal. When was his pension valued at £400k ?

Yourteaisgettingcold · 06/10/2021 21:10

I'm going through the process myself at the moment and have a good barrister who represents me and does all my working out for me. I do most the solicitor jobs myself.

The thing my barrister has drummed into me is that the courts award assets on a needs basis. As in, what do each of you need to rehouse yourselves. It's that which the split will be worked from. So if you giving your ex X amount leaves you homeless or unable to afford housing then they won't be entitled to it, and vice versa

Dacquoise · 06/10/2021 21:43

From my experience financial settlement on divorce is based on needs. You need a three bedroom house (minimum) for you and three children. He needs a two bedroom for himself and your joint child with access. Is he able to provide that on his income of £2100 per month? What is available in the area you live and how would it be financed? If he wasn't a property owner before you met, doesn't necessarily mean he would be entitled to buy a property now using the equity from your house.

Are you able to finance your mortgage going forward and will he need to pay you child maintenance for your joint child which may enable you to keep your house?

Pensions are an asset but you will not be able to access them unless you are close to age 55 so offsetting them against marital assets may not be a possibility at this stage. How old are you both?

I would be arguing that the length of marriage should be a case of walking away with what you came in with. ie you keep your equity and he keeps his pension. Demanding 45% equity for short marriage and no contribution to the mortgage is unrealistic. Don't give in, he's probably hoping to get away with that but your ongoing needs are far higher than his.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 06/10/2021 21:48

He's got a 400,000 pension and you've got 100,000 equity in the house? The rest of the details of assets and debts might change that, but if that's all the assets you'd expect for you to be getting a chunk of his pension not the other way around. You could put in say you want a chunk from his pension, could ask for 45,000, with the idea to offer just to keep your own assets. Or you could genuinely push for a share, you may well be entitled to a bigger share. I've seen recommendations on here wiki divorce for information. How many years were you together?

Bunnies53 · 07/10/2021 07:33

We were together 7 years in total. I am 44 and he is 48. I am paying my mortgage without his help and have done since I got it.
Tried wiki and they just direct you to ring and try and charge you. No other assets to speak of and he has a cc debt of around 1-2k I think. I have none other than mortgage. He did have around 30k debt when we met and zero assets. Not even a car!

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 07/10/2021 09:45

If he is arguing that he has a claim on your house then it must be equally true that you have a claim on his pension, he can't have it both ways. I would do whatever I could to secure legal representation now (if necessary, borrowing money from family for example) as spending a relatively small amount of money now will be worth much, much more to you in getting a fair deal from the divorce. Alternatively learn how to self represent, there are lots of books and websites that can help you. Don't let him bully you into agreeing to anything, it's better to go to court and let a judge decide as they won't sign off on anything unfair.