Found Dh secret viagra stash.....

[Crustyoddsocks]

Fuck.....long post alert....
How much do you trust your partner? I think I maybe only trust DH 90%.
Recently found an empty blister pack and an almost empty blister pack (7 gone 1 remaining) of viagra in his wallet. I was trying to cover my tracks after washing his wallet by mistake so not intentially snooping, just trying to dry everything before he noticed . Ive never snooped before as never felt the need to.

I was pretty shocked by the discovery not because I give 2 hoots about people taking viagra but because I dont think dh needs it. I’ve also not really noticed any difference in performance and we havent been that active recently. We are not communicating very well and have hit a rough patch/arnt getting on. So I have a bit of a bad feeling that the viagra might not have been for my benefit
Think I have issues/anxiety re trust possibly due to my parents ‘perfect marriage’ crumbling overnight and my dad being a serial philanderer/not the person we thought he was. So this has impacted on me not trusting DH or anyone else 100%. I dont want to be naive/ put my head in the sand which I think my mum did (not that I blame her). So my default is suspicious/ not a push over or maybe I have serious trust issues?
We have been together 15 years, married 10 I honestly trust DH a lot, just not totally. Could there be a rational explanation? Is this a normal secret to keep? I suppose he could have bought for our anniversary weekend away a few months ago but he never mentioned it.

I just cant shrug off the doubt. Why would he not tell me if its for us? Is it wrong also to think its a bit sleazy ie that he wants to improve his performance/enjoyment? I just thought we could have spoken about if there was an innocent reason.
Urgh do I confront him? Casually speak about viagra?! Go all Nancy drew on his wallet and monitor it, see if the other one disappears? Further snooping?

OP could ask, but that still wouldn't tell her if he was having an affair or not, which is her reason for posting here.

@ravenmum

OP could ask, but that still wouldn't tell her if he was having an affair or not, which is her reason for posting here.

His response would be a good indicator.

The alternative is she now searches through his phone/emails/wallet, so if he's not cheating she's completely invaded his privacy anyway.

@girlmom21 would his reaction be that good of an indicator though?

Cheaters are prepared to lie and usually do it very convincingly.

Plus he's already got the clue when he asked why the wallet was wet. He's has time to come up with a plausible explanation.

I think you are being rather naive.

Oh op I would be thinking the same horrible situation to be In. Any other signs keeping phone with him at all times etc

@JudgementalCactus would you want to be with someone who doubted you so much they completely disrespected your privacy rather than ask you a simple question?

I think you're being naive to think he'll just accept that if he finds out OP has searched through his phone etc.

I would ask him, you have been together a long time, so should be able to talk about everything. You need some clearance, instead of spending some time wondering about this, whether you will hear good news,or bad.

I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doubted me so much that they completely disrespected my privacy if I was completely open and honest and never hid anything from my partner.

[quote girlmom21]@JudgementalCactus would you want to be with someone who doubted you so much they completely disrespected your privacy rather than ask you a simple question?

I think you're being naive to think he'll just accept that if he finds out OP has searched through his phone etc.
[/quote]
It's very different when you have probable cause.

Have you talkef to him or done some digging @Crustyoddsocks?

Thanks everyone for all your input and comments.
Had a really awful 24hrs as youngest dc very very ill. Febrile convulsion, totally terrifying. Just prior to this when DC had racing heartbeat had to ask DH about viagra as suddenly worried thats what made DC so ill.
He calmly accounted for it was for our weekend away and the other pack from ages ago. He admits he doesnt need it but likes the consistancy/ tubo charged aspect.
Wasnt cross or pissy with me and we would have talked more was it not for DC becoming unwell and MIL now staying to help.
I do feel better and fairly satisfied with answers but will be as alert as poss from now on. We need to talk more and communicate which I think got us into this misunderstanding in first place. Though at the moment just concentrating on DCs recovery.

Really hope your DC gets better quickly!

That sounds all reasonable, hope your DC is better soon.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

If he was using it with you, you'd likely experience it lasting a long time and some difficulty reaching orgasm.

This isn't the same for every guy .

Hope your DC is better soon & good that your DHs reaction has given you some reassurance. Maybe this will be the start of better communication on both sides 🤞🏼

Most posters on this topix are absolutely insane. ED is an incredibly personal topic for men, and if he feels he needs Viagra he is unlikely to tell you. The amount of posters assuming he must be cheating is incredible, they are displaying an almost teenage ignorance of how men often think and behave regarding this topic

@YRGAM

Most posters on this topix are absolutely insane. ED is an incredibly personal topic for men, and if he feels he needs Viagra he is unlikely to tell you. The amount of posters assuming he must be cheating is incredible, they are displaying an almost teenage ignorance of how men often think and behave regarding this topic

Absolutely! I lost count of how many people claimed that if they were for use with the op they’d be in his bedside locker- ehh, no, not if he wants to keep it private.

And one poster confidently proclaimed he wasn’t just cheating, he was cheating with prostitutes. Jesus wept!

Most posters on this topix are absolutely insane. ED is an incredibly personal topic for men, and if he feels he needs Viagra he is unlikely to tell you.

@YRGAM I think most wives would know there's an issue because the husband would've had ED at some point when they attempted to have sex. Usually men probably need a bit of nagging from ther wives to try some med or anything, as that'd involve admitting to themselves the extent of the problem. It might need less nagging now men can just buy (albeit a lower dose) viagra. But I still think the wife/partner will've most likely experienced the bloke's problem first hand.

@Finknottlesnewt

As someone whose husband has suffered from ED since his early 40s (so nearly 20 years) I can tell you it it's a life changing affliction that has a devastating effect on the confidence and self esteem of both the sufferer and the partner.

ED comes in many forms. Not being able to get an erection. Not being able to maintain an erection . Not being able to last long . It's a very complicated disease which is wrapped up in physical/psychological issues and really complex .

My DH didn't tell me he took Viagra for years . He was too embarrassed and didn't want me to think that I didn't turn him on.

It's a horrible condition and no it doesn't always mean they 'go on' for ages .. or that they can't achieve orgasm . Those things can happen but it depends what the root cause is and the type of viagra /cialis that he is on. It's strength and how often he is using it .

Have a read up about ED before jumping to conclusions but a man who is in need of performance assistance is not the first choice for a philanderer.

I agree with this poster. My DH has taken Viagra and Cialis for years for severe ED. It differs from one man to another - you can't say "they last for ages" or " they have trouble with orgasm" since that is definitely not the case. My DH still has trouble getting an erection even with the drugs, and he doesn't last long at all, and often ejaculates very quickly with no warning ( lets just say that Viagra is not a cure for everything ! )

If your DH is keeping them in his wallet I'd suspect infidelity.

That sounds a good response, OP. Hope the little one recovers quickly.

I am not insane, nor a teenager. I also fully understand the issues around ED. I obviously don’t think that all men using viagra must be cheating. I’m sure the vast majority are not.
However, there are some here who were made to feel they were going insane, when on finding their partner’s secret viagra, the issues around ED were trotted out to cover the fact that the hidden viagra was indeed being used for an affair. Being crazy to even think such a thing is an accusation betrayed partners have heard many times to make them feel guilty for suggesting it and throw them off the scent. They were not insane, they were right.
Yet here it is again, those having a contrary opinion to a poster are ‘insane’ to think the way they do.
When you’ve been blindsided and gaslighted like that by someone you love and trust, you really don’t want anyone else to sleepwalk into it.
Of course most men take viagra for ED issues and are faithful to their partners. Some don’t and aren’t. It’s not insane to believe that, or to point that out to someone who has actually raised the issue themselves, it’s a fact. It’s not very nice, it’s not as common as usual viagra use, granted, but it’s a fact.

Some men use viagra to ensure consistent performance when having an affair. They hide it.
The confusing issue here is the variety of reasons there are, most of them innocent, for keeping it secret. Only OP will know her partner (or think she knows her partner) well enough to tell the difference. She’s posted on a public forum so presumably has felt suspicious enough about his secrecy to do this.
It’s not helpful to accuse people who have probably been gaslighted and lied to and made to feel as if they were going crazy, when in their case they were absolutely correct, as being ‘absolutely insane’ to suggest cheating. They’ve heard that before.
I hope for OP’s sake he isn’t.

I don't really think that putting something in your wallet is "hiding" it, it's not a great hiding place is it!

It’s not the best hiding place, no, but not everyone goes through their partner’s wallet and since it’s an odd place to keep medication you use at home, and since he hadn’t told OP about it, we can reasonably assume he was hiding it. Doesn’t make it mean it was for a dodgy reason though, granted. If I’ve ever needed to borrow a tenner from my husband’s wallet I ask him, get the note out and just close it, not open the studded-down pockets in it or have a good snoop around, it wouldn’t normally occur to me to look for anything. I wouldn’t know if anything else was in there without searching it.
It’s easy to hide stuff when nobody suspects you of anything because nobody is actively looking.
To me it’s a slightly odd hiding place in that if I was using it with my partner at home and was too embarrassed to tell them/ wanted to keep it private, I’d hide it in my personal belongings in the house somewhere where I could take it easily into the bathroom to get a glass of water to take it with unnoticed. First thing my husband does when he gets in is chuck his wallet, keys and phone down in the kitchen. He doesn’t carry it round with him.
Maybe OP’s partner was about to take it but OP walked in and he stashed it temporarily.
Anyhow, OP seems to think it was a misunderstanding and is satisfied that all is well, so that’s all that matters here I guess.

I think those taking umbrage that people suggested an affair are missing the point that if a man has ED his wife / partner knows about it. The Op didn't know about it but also said they haven't been having much sex.

So a man isn't having much sex with his wife but has (an almost empty packet of) viagra in his wallet - you can understand why the wife might ask questions. It's up there with finding condoms in your husband's wallet - you could be forgiven for wondering why.

And the comparison with HRT?? Bewildering.

Anyway, glad you got an answer Op. I hope your DC is recovering well. x

Viagra in the wallet - it was how I caught my ex cheating but I didn’t realise it initially. It was an awful time. I asked him about the tablets. I had googled the brand name, I had no idea what it was and couldn’t believe when I discovered it was viagra.

He gave me an explanation that he sometimes needed when he was stressed. I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t in his wash bag or something… his wallet? That suggested something you take when you are on the move, out of the house (to me).

Anyway he gave an explanation. We had been away for a long weekend and he brought them with him then and had forgotten all about them. Oh ok. Didn’t sound implausible… didn’t necessarily sound spot on either. Also, I remembered we haven’t had sex on that trip, which I had found a little odd at the time, but he said it hadn’t happened because of small kids and him just being so tired…

I bought it.

Anyway he was using prostitutes (all the fucking time) and would take a half a Viagra on the way to his appointment.