Found Dh secret viagra stash.....

[Crustyoddsocks]

Fuck.....long post alert....
How much do you trust your partner? I think I maybe only trust DH 90%.
Recently found an empty blister pack and an almost empty blister pack (7 gone 1 remaining) of viagra in his wallet. I was trying to cover my tracks after washing his wallet by mistake so not intentially snooping, just trying to dry everything before he noticed . Ive never snooped before as never felt the need to.

I was pretty shocked by the discovery not because I give 2 hoots about people taking viagra but because I dont think dh needs it. I’ve also not really noticed any difference in performance and we havent been that active recently. We are not communicating very well and have hit a rough patch/arnt getting on. So I have a bit of a bad feeling that the viagra might not have been for my benefit
Think I have issues/anxiety re trust possibly due to my parents ‘perfect marriage’ crumbling overnight and my dad being a serial philanderer/not the person we thought he was. So this has impacted on me not trusting DH or anyone else 100%. I dont want to be naive/ put my head in the sand which I think my mum did (not that I blame her). So my default is suspicious/ not a push over or maybe I have serious trust issues?
We have been together 15 years, married 10 I honestly trust DH a lot, just not totally. Could there be a rational explanation? Is this a normal secret to keep? I suppose he could have bought for our anniversary weekend away a few months ago but he never mentioned it.

I just cant shrug off the doubt. Why would he not tell me if its for us? Is it wrong also to think its a bit sleazy ie that he wants to improve his performance/enjoyment? I just thought we could have spoken about if there was an innocent reason.
Urgh do I confront him? Casually speak about viagra?! Go all Nancy drew on his wallet and monitor it, see if the other one disappears? Further snooping?

I hope you get answers from him because not knowing will get to you .

Would you use viagra for wanking with porn ?

Unless he's a total sociopath, I think there would be other, more obvious clues if he were having an affair - changes in behaviour, personality, protective of his phone etc.

His erection should last for longer and not go down immediately after his climax or go down but he's having another erection very shortly after, he may (probably) ask for/initiate sex more than once in a session.

His erection may be stronger/bigger too.

Sorry if that's TMI.

@Finknottlesnewt’s post is spot on - it’s a really complex condition and it manifests in so many different ways. My partner suffers from ED and takes it - we’ve been together 18 months. He told me right from the start because he suffers really badly (we are late 40s although it first cropped up about 15 years ago when his ex wife put them on a conception schedule because she wasn’t getting pregnant). He was so embarrassed about telling me, for no reason. We have a varied sex life and if it’s not working then we try something else. He’s not necessarily cheating. He may just find it hard to tell you.

And as for why he keeps it in his wallet and not in his bedside drawer, well that's obviously because he's keeping it a secret from his partner. Keeps them on him so he can pop one in the bathroom/kitchen whilst she's not in the same room. Viagra takes a little while to work so even if he wasn't trying to keep it a secret he'd probably want to take it a little while before getting into bed, else you'd both spend an hour or two laying there awkwardly until it kicks in. Which is probably longer than most people spend on foreplay?

Jesus! ASK HIM. If you know your husband at all you will know if he is lying.

Ps. When I found viagra in his back pocket I did just that. His bright red face and muttering told me all I needed to know.

Also you would know if he was using it for sex with you.

@rjacksmiss

I'd be suspicious that it's in his wallet rather than bedside table if he was using with with you..

^ THIS is exactly what I'd come on to say!

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

If he was using it with you, you'd likely experience it lasting a long time and some difficulty reaching orgasm.

That has not been my experience of having sex with two men who used Viagra.

@altmember

And as for why he keeps it in his wallet and not in his bedside drawer, well that's obviously because he's keeping it a secret from his partner. Keeps them on him so he can pop one in the bathroom/kitchen whilst she's not in the same room. Viagra takes a little while to work so even if he wasn't trying to keep it a secret he'd probably want to take it a little while before getting into bed, else you'd both spend an hour or two laying there awkwardly until it kicks in. Which is probably longer than most people spend on foreplay?

It takes around twenty minutes, not an hour or two.

It's no fucking wonder men are scared to talk about this issue when women are so ill informed about it.

I had a similar situation with my dp. Found the pills by chance when I was cleaning up one day. He gets them on repeat prescription. He is older than me and has a low sex drive but occasionally I'd notice that they'd be going down and we hadn't even had sex. Like you, my dp has been working from home for the past two years and I really doubt that he would have the time or inclination to use escorts.

Sometimes I think he maybe takes on in anticipation of initiating sex but then it just never materialised? Or maybe for masturbation. I don't know.

It's a tough chat to have because you don't want to pry too much about things that might be embarrassing or sensitive for them. But of course you need to know what's really going on so you need to look at other factors too.

I found out recently that some men do indeed take viagra/cialis on their own. To help them masturbate, and presumably to just feel more like ‘their old selves’.

I doubt it’s very common though.

I’d pull out the packet and say (fairly calmly) ‘Want to tell me about this then?’. Given its mostly used for sex, and he’s married to you, it’s a fair question I’d have thought. He can’t really hope to get away with ‘You shouldn’t have snooped’ on this kinda thing.

His reaction is likely to be telling.

The fact it’s in his wallet suggests some sort of deviance. If it was for you it would be in his sock drawer!

The most obvious reason is he feels extremely embarrassed and ashamed.
And I think it’s utter crap that you can tell, are these people who are actually with partners who suffer ED!

@Crustyoddsocks

Yes the fact its in his wallet did bother me but then we did go away for a weekend together a few months ago so it could explain the wallet...but doesnt really explain why its still there Ill look out for signs but havent really been aware of anything and why would you take it 7x if it didnt make much of a difference? I think he is using it with someone else. This is why its not all adding up and is suspicious to me.

It may be he took it when you went away and its still there for the same reason my OH has lots of rubbish in his wallet/pockets, he doesn't clear anything out. (I clear out his wallet when it gets to the stage that it annoys me seeing it so full of rubbish)

@BBOA

The fact it’s in his wallet suggests some sort of deviance. If it was for you it would be in his sock drawer!

If I was suffering from ED and hadn’t told my wife, I would not keep my viagra stash anywhere it could be discovered, the embarrassment would too much to deal with

@Loveshelly I once had sex with someone who had taken it recreationally, and I think I could tell. Pretty impressive hardness and stamina from a 40-something guy.

I've had 2 partners with ED who tried viagra and it didn't do much for them really, but they had major health issues.

@Crustyoddsocks I would definitely keep tabs on whether another one goes. And see if you can have a look at any messages etc without him knowing.

@Sonaftersonafterson

Jesus! ASK HIM. If you know your husband at all you will know if he is lying.

Ps. When I found viagra in his back pocket I did just that. His bright red face and muttering told me all I needed to know.

Also you would know if he was using it for sex with you.

This is not the case at all ! Sex with someone who needs and takes viagra is ABSOLUTELY no different from sex with someone who has no ED problem.

It sadly - does not make someone with ED into a rock-hard -for- hours -sex god. .. it just makes them able to get it up.

Someone who takes it when not needed can get erections that don't go down for hours .

Me neither!

Does he work out of the house?

It sadly - does not make someone with ED into a rock-hard -for- hours -sex god. .. it just makes them able to get it up.

@Finknottlesnewt If they're lucky and it works for them at all.

But OP's said she doesn't think her husband has an issue. I think if a bloke was going to take it due to having ED, his wife would probably have experienced that ED, hence he felt the need to try it.

@VanGoghsDog : It takes around twenty minutes, not an hour or two.

It's no fucking wonder men are scared to talk about this issue when women are so ill informed about it.

Umm, I am a man and I have used ED drugs (Tadalafil though, not Viagra). So yes, I do know what I'm talking about, and here I am talking about it openly. Viagra you'd want to take an hour in advance ideally - it's supposed to be 30 mins on an empty stomach, longer otherwise.

And as I and some other PP have said, it's not always obvious if a man has taken it. My experience with Tadalafil was that things worked just like they do naturally - you don't get a bigger erection that stays hard after orgasm. There's no way the woman would be able to tell any difference - other than things working normally when presumably they didn't before.

Sildenafil does tend to work a bit more bluntly though, so maybe those effects are possible with it. The OP said Viagra, possibly as a generic brand name, so it's not certain if she was talking about Sildenafil rather than Tadalfil.

But sure, this is MN, so of course the OP's husband must be a cheating bastard. I'm almost surprised no ones used the 'N word' yet on this thread.

@rjacksmiss

I'd be suspicious that it's in his wallet rather than bedside table if he was using with with you..

This! I'm sat here wondering why it would be in his wallet.

N word?

[quote altmember]**@VanGoghsDog* : It takes around twenty minutes, not an hour or two.*

It's no fucking wonder men are scared to talk about this issue when women are so ill informed about it.

Umm, I am a man and I have used ED drugs (Tadalafil though, not Viagra). So yes, I do know what I'm talking about, and here I am talking about it openly. Viagra you'd want to take an hour in advance ideally - it's supposed to be 30 mins on an empty stomach, longer otherwise.

And as I and some other PP have said, it's not always obvious if a man has taken it. My experience with Tadalafil was that things worked just like they do naturally - you don't get a bigger erection that stays hard after orgasm. There's no way the woman would be able to tell any difference - other than things working normally when presumably they didn't before.

Sildenafil does tend to work a bit more bluntly though, so maybe those effects are possible with it. The OP said Viagra, possibly as a generic brand name, so it's not certain if she was talking about Sildenafil rather than Tadalfil.

But sure, this is MN, so of course the OP's husband must be a cheating bastard. I'm almost surprised no ones used the 'N word' yet on this thread.[/quote]
Well don't point all of that post at me, I never said he was cheating. And I know how Viagra (and the other similar types of drugs, I tend to think Cialis is better really) works.

I agree with you ref people's perceptions, it's ludicrous how uninformed many people are.

I really don't think you can "tell". From conversations with female friends they seem to think it has some weird perma ultra hard erection effect, like they show in "funny" films. That has not been an experience I have had.

No idea what the 'N word' is either.