‘It’s Mumsnet so he must be cheating’.
I think people fall into two camps here. The vast majority of men, In sure, use viagra for their ED within a committed, faithful relationship. They also might find it an embarrassing topic to discuss with their partner, or worry that their partner might think they don’t find them as attractive as they used to, which drives the use underground, easier to hide it than talk about it. Obviously issues around embarrassment and worrying about potentially upsetting your partner would only worsen the ED.
However, there are sadly others here where hidden viagra did mean an affair was going on.
It’s not his use of viagra here, the go issue s why he needs to hide it from his partner. Innocently just keeping it private for his own self esteem, or because he doesn’t want her to think she doesn’t satisfy him, or cheating? All are possibilities.
Only the OP knows him well enough to be surprised and worried by his hiding things from her or not, and she’s clearly worried enough to ask Mumsnet.
OP, if you ask him about it, would “I’m using it for us and was a bit embarrassed to tell you” be enough to allay your concerns? The problem is that that a exactly what he would say if he was cheating. In my case sadly hidden viagra meant an affair. Our credit card bills had nothing worrying in them because he conducted his affair using cash. I didn’t have access to his personal bank account, I was never refused it because I didn’t ask, trusted him completely. He’d had the account when I met him as students donkeys’ years ago and when we started living together just kept our original separate accounts (loads of direct debits going out of them, salaries paid in, far easier to just keep them) and opened new joint ones. I never never in over thirty years suspected him of anything.
This is a tough one OP. Asking won’t give you your answer and if he’s cheating you’ve given him the heads up and he’ll just be more careful. I’d play the long game and just be more observant. And yes, this is a horrible thing to do. But I wish I’d done it. Affairs can take place at work during lunch hours and never impact the time people come home. You’d suspect nothing. Shift working is a gift to affairs, you can say what you like if nobody ever checks your hours or pay. I’d keep an eye on his usage (heavy usage but no sex with you) and if there’s nothing to cause concern, nothing more niggling you, then just gently ask about it. If he’s more irritable with you, more critical or distant, glued to his phone or leaves it in his pocket or face down more often, is buying more clothes, taking more interest in his appearance etc, these things might be relevant.
Sorry OP, only you know. Trust your spidey senses, it was all I had and they worked.