What is the key to the success in YOUR relationship?

[Windows01]

I'm not taking about general out of a book type stuff, but in real life from your actual relationship, what is the ingredient(s) that make it successful?

I'd say mine is give and take / compromise, which I'm expecting to be repeated within the thread, but also interested to know other strong points of success.

I'm referring to a sharing of working, household tasks, finances and mutual understanding of the want and need to each have time to ourselves and together.

Respecting each others views (even if we disagree), actively listening rather than listening to reply and, yes, that magic word - compromise!

Oh, and we like each other. A lot.

Sex. Sorry to be crass, but without sex the relationship suffers. We've had periods where one of us wants less, and somehow, although we are in love and always supportive of one another- it's not the same. Regular sex seems to make us both more understanding, kinder, funnier, more able to get along.

@kittenkipping

Sex. Sorry to be crass, but without sex the relationship suffers. We've had periods where one of us wants less, and somehow, although we are in love and always supportive of one another- it's not the same. Regular sex seems to make us both more understanding, kinder, funnier, more able to get along.

I agree with you, there is definitely a softer air to everything when the sex is there.

Agree that sex is really important.

We are also really kind to each other. we try to do things for each other, say thank you, are really appreciative and nice. This took a conscious effort when we had small babies but has made our lives so much nicer.

We also enjoy each other's sense of humour.

We are just very compatible.

We like the same things, we communicate in similar ways, we really like each other. We honestly don't disagree very often. I find all the "marriage is hard work" stuff frankly weird when people say it because ours just isn't. It's been 20 years and it hasn't always been easy - we have gone through infertility, loss of a child - but I don't think we have argued more than maybe 4 or 5 times.

Actively choosing each other. Because we don’t live together we have to make the effort to spend time together. This also means putting away phones, choosing to watch something on TV together rather than doing our own thing (we do that on the nights we’re apart), date nights (hate the phrase but it’s important), celebrating the milestones (including stupid Valentine’s Day etc!) , kid free holidays, giving each other foot rubs and back tickles, making sex an important part of the relationship (eg “should we watch another episode? Well it’s getting late so if we want to have sex we’d better not”) and making sure that we each get the best of each other in the bedroom and outside of it. Saying kind things and sending cute messages when we’re apart is important to me to keep that connection alive too.

Working together and working to our strengths. He is good at things that I am hopeless at and I'm good at things that he is hopeless at.

@Sarahlou63

Respecting each others views (even if we disagree), actively listening rather than listening to reply and, yes, that magic word - compromise!

Oh, and we like each other. A lot.

Yes, I agree.

Not settling.

I was single for a couple of years after divorcing xH and was determined not to fall into the same relationship again with another selfish, incompatible narcissistic person just to be in a couple.

I met DH and knew right away he was perfect, we both treat each other as if we'd want to be treated, as a priority, with respect and with emotional intelligence, which is sadly lacking in too many people!

Almost a decade on I still think I'm incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful husband and wouldn't change a thing about him.

A shared sense of humor. 30 plus years, 2 kids, 3 bereavements, moving country, all accomplished with the ability to make each other laugh, to see the sometimes very dark humour in situations.

Blunt honesty.

With that you can have the respect and compromise that's needed and no-one is festering because when they said "That's slightly irritating" they actuall means "Every time you do that I want to stab you with a fork".

I also think that, and it's not something we could have planned easily, the fact we parent very similarly really helps. If we both get a text or email from the school the fact that 9/10 we speak and both have had the same initial thought really helps.

Please and thank you - we treat each other with kindness, appreciation and gratitude.

Sex - makes everything seem better, lighter, we both feel better about ourselves and closer.

Shared sense of humour - silly in jokes, like being in the best team ever.

Separate bedrooms and our own ensuites. Genuinely

Genuine interest in eachothers likes and hobbies
Ability to resolve conflicts amicably
Compassion and empathy towards eachother
Trust
Openness
Respecting each others boundaries
Working together not against eachother or point scoring
Keeping eachother in mind constantly but having room to grow and build our individuality
Reciprocation and appreciation for what we bring to the relationship
We each take the strain when each of us is struggling

It sounds bookish but this is the ONLY relationship I've ever had where all the things above applied. I'd never settle for less now in a partner although my family relationships do differ in some respects which has really been brought to light now I have something to compare against.

I'm only sexually attracted in relationships where I feel heard, seen and respected so it's pretty low on my list of needs but makes a good thing better. Having sex in an awful relationship just made me feel worse.

Definitely a similar sense of humour, sex is very important, a ton of affection and just general appriciation and support.

If he's done something helpful or nice I'll always acknowledge it and let him know i appreciate it and likewise. Again just being there when one of us is struggling, we just support and help each other.

Mutual understanding that he deals with the spider's and i deal with the animal presents left by the cat but honestly he's my soul mate and i would never want to be without him.

@Invasionofthegutsnatchers

Separate bedrooms and our own ensuites. Genuinely

My idea of heaven!!! We had separate bathrooms before the kids got bigger. I miss those days :(

Yep, separate bedrooms here too. We have the same wicked sense of humour and we don’t take life too seriously.

Being kind to one another. Doing little things to make each other's lives easier. Never really nagging. Just listening really. Both very laid back so works well!

Oh and admitting when you're wrong and apologising! Without any resentment 🤣

Having our own separate identities and lives. Always communicating, even about the small stuff so it doesn't become big stuff!

Laughter. We laugh together all the time

A good amount of intellectual challenge.

Not having children

His lower domestic standards than mine!

Give and take
Allowing each other to pursue separate interests, not being in the other one's pocket all the time
Deeply-held commitment to each other
And .... Strong sexual attraction 😁