What is the key to the success in YOUR relationship?

[Windows01]

I'm not taking about general out of a book type stuff, but in real life from your actual relationship, what is the ingredient(s) that make it successful?

I'd say mine is give and take / compromise, which I'm expecting to be repeated within the thread, but also interested to know other strong points of success.

I'm referring to a sharing of working, household tasks, finances and mutual understanding of the want and need to each have time to ourselves and together.

We’re a team
We’re kind to each other; we have lots of shared values and we have the same priorities in life

Yes, sex, coffee and compromise.

Respect
Similar sense of humour.
Give each other space: we have our own bedrooms, bathroom, hobby. I think it s important to be fulfilled as a person and see the relationship as a crutch.
Split household chores fairly.
Small gestures (picking a box of chocolate at the supermarket, sorting out some but of housework the other one was supposed to do, etc)

Asking “sympathy or solutions”? Really helps to avoid an argument if one side is having a little rant about something. Listening without judgment and trying to not jump in and solve something for the other person is an amazing skill.

Also remember that while I see a beautifully made antique table in front of me, the other person might simply see a piece of wood!

Being generous and actively wanting the other person to be happy - it has to go both ways though!

@Clouds78

Asking “sympathy or solutions”? Really helps to avoid an argument if one side is having a little rant about something. Listening without judgment and trying to not jump in and solve something for the other person is an amazing skill.

Also remember that while I see a beautifully made antique table in front of me, the other person might simply see a piece of wood!

This is really great advice, I'm stealing it! One of us wants solutions and the other wants an empathetic ear so it's good to consider what the other needs before reacting in our own default ways. Thank you!

Sex (intimacy), respect and having the same goals and values for me.
Never found the whole package though but hopefully one day!

@youvegottenminuteslynn absolutely! I used to jump in and try and solve everything but now just staying quiet and nodding has a better effet/helps the relationship. Sometimes I might say - ‘that’s so frustrating’ but little more really unless I can absolutely be sure DH wants ‘solutions’. Lol! I’m not even sure where I read this - it certainly wasn’t my idea but found on some blog I think. But it’s been like gold dust to me 😆

@sospspsp I hope you do too! Package is very hard to find I agree!!!

Living apart

We really like each other; even if he wasn't my husband, I'd want to be friends with him.
We have both grown and changed loads over the years, and encouraged each other along way.
We have gotten so much better at communicating o er the years, and makes it easier to deal with shit when it happens.
We work well as a team, we get each other's rhythms, and as hippy as it sounds, we share the same vibes.
We've been married now 23 years; I'm still excited for whatever we do next.

Oh, and the sex is amazing still

We have a long shared history - we've been together for 30 years.

1 - we make each other laugh, even in dark times
2 - we have different outlooks on life - I am quite laid back, he is more easily irritated - but we respect that about each other and don't try and mould the other to our way of thinking
3 - there is no competitive anything, tiredness, busyness, stress
4 -we both know when the other needs space/to be left alone/not to be badgered to ask what's wrong and we each respect that knowing the other person will talk when they are ready
5 - he knows he is not good at the mental load but he never takes advantage of that nor takes me for granted - he has many strengths and abilities that I don't
6 - we can both recognise when we have hit a bit of a rut and we put effort in to getting out of it

Little kind caring things in every day life, laughter, now we have a long shared history - ups and downs that made us stronger. Letting each other be different, conpromise.

Being best friends.

Cliche, I know.

We both pull our weight in different ways, neither feels hard done by. We talk about important stuff. Loyalty and respect.

Always going on holidays together, not apart.
sleeping in the same bed (it's a time to bond)
Not going out clubbing or partying without each other - you're not on the pull so go to decent places there are many
Don't follow other hot men/women on FB, insta etc going around liking them and making your partner insecure.
Do unto them as you would like to done

We both give each other a lot of grace when we make mistakes and don't sweat the small stuff, I grew up in a household where there was a lot of yelling for petty things and didn't want that for my grown up life. We treat each other with a lot of kindness and as others have said, thank each other for everything, and genuinely apologize when one of us in the wrong (even for being in a bad mood etc).

Also my husband is a great dad and throws himself into childcare when he's home, I never have to ask him to change a diaper or rock her when she's fussy.

We have a lot of inside jokes and spend plenty of time just snuggling up. I'm lucky!

Kindness. Dh is without a doubt the kindest person I know along with my own parents , and we’ve had 20 very stable years despite me having health issues and being very tired at times. We also are both extremely straightforward and trust and look after each other completely.

Kindness and empathy are paramount. No keeping score about sleep, chores, work, life, and who does what unless it is seriously unbalanced. Acknowledging that each of us have different strengths that are equal and contribute to daily life. Each of us carry the heavier load at different times. Teamwork I guess. And sex. (which has gone a bit off the rails with menopause - but when it happens, it is fantastic)

Respect, compromises, but the most important thing is that I admire him and he admires me. This helps us keep the magic and have moments that keep us going through the hardships.
The other thing, about our everyday life, is that we each take time alone, we have "our" corners or moments in the day,week month etc. For example, there are moments I just need to be alone, relax alone, watch a movie read my book and he understands that and he gives me my space (I do the same when he needs it).

We are also really kind to each other. we try to do things for each other, say thank you, are really appreciative and nice. This took a conscious effort when we had small babies but has made our lives so much nicer

I read a research article a while back that came to the conclusion that exactly this kind of courtesy a couple has for each other was one of the prime reasons for the longevity of a relationship.

It's stuck with me...I'm single.