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Original poster

Husband keeps stealing from me and my kids

146 replies

Smith1987224 · 04/10/2021 14:52

Hi there,
my husband and i have not been married very long about 6 month. I have two kids from a previous marriage. I have been noticing stuff going missing and i came across his profile on facebook marketplace and seen things of mine and my kids that he has taken and sold and is selling. I have asked before not to sell things that he has not asked about and especially stuff that belongs to my kids. He said he wouldnt do it and recently I came across another post where he is selling more of my stuff and not telling me. now before anyone says while married its our stuff, all the stuff that he has taken is stuff i got before we were even together and some of the stuff belongs to my parents which they are letting me use. The stuff that belongs to my kids is theirs. I have no idea where the money is that he gets because i Dont see it. I had to take my stuff back and hide it. He is always going through everything and i am always seeing him coming out of someones room. What advice can someone give me? I have been considering divorce because there are other issues i am having and kicking him out of my house because i pay for it and i am the only one that works ands the lease is in my name.I would like to know your thoughts and how you would feel

OP posts:
FluffyWhiteBird · 04/10/2021 16:50

@mam0918

I have had issue with my DH being a little sticky-fingered with me and it annoys the hell out of me but he's never sold my belonging.

He will just take my bank card whenever he wants (usually for house bills and food shops but they are often the house bills he's supposed to pay after I already paid my half or the food shop will then have his beer and wine wacked onto it) and isn't shy of helping himself to any money he finds 'lying around' but its usually small amounts like fiver or less.

If my husband was selling mine, my parents and my kids things without telling me there would be WW3 in this household - I don't think I could overlook and stay with someone like that.

What your husband is doing is no better. Theft is theft. He's using you. Flowers
Iaamw29 · 04/10/2021 16:50

Divorce him, bad enough stealing from you but your kids!!!!! You will never be able to trust this man, life of misery - cut him loose - you have one life you have to be happy, you don’t need him.

Sparkletastic · 04/10/2021 16:53

Drugs or gambling. Either way I'd get rid.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/10/2021 16:55

Your poor kids, I can't believe you're even considering staying with someone who is stealing from them?!

In and out of their rooms stealing shit to sell. What an absolute wanker.

You need to divorce him, get him out of the house and tbh depending on your kids ages I would sit them down afterwards explain what was going on and say you're sorry you didn't kick him out sooner.

I would be feeling really upset, confused and resentful if my mum was allowing someone to repeatedly steal from me and my siblings when I was a kid.

RantyAunty · 04/10/2021 16:59

Kick this con artist out of your house yesterday.

OakPine · 04/10/2021 17:00

This is one of the worst things I've read here. I'm so sorry for you and your kids.
Your poor children knowing that their mother's husband is stealing their belongings and selling them.
Sorry to say but think of your kids and LTB.
xx

StoatMilk · 04/10/2021 17:01

@Taxwolf

He’s stealing FFS. Kick him out and call the police.
This
2bazookas · 04/10/2021 17:01

I'd inform the police he's stealing your parents stuff to sell. I bet he's got a criminal record as long as your arm.

The money probably goes straight up his nose or in his arm. He's feeding an addiction.

TerraNovaTwo · 04/10/2021 17:02

Divorce. Sounds like a class A loser.

BananaPB · 04/10/2021 17:03

These screams gambler or addict.

Throw him out and divorce him

Lordamighty · 04/10/2021 17:03

Don’t put up with this for one minute longer, he is a low-life.

DPotter · 04/10/2021 17:05

Gone are the days when a husband owned and could control his wife's property. He's stealing your stuff whether or not you are married.

Get the things removed off facebook and kick him out now. No questions asked

Irishfarmer · 04/10/2021 17:06

As everyone else has said he needs to be gone! I would usually be for trying to reconcile differences etc, but this is not a difference, it is outright betrayal! Stealing from your children, wow! Are there no lows some people won't go to.

And saying "before anyone says while married its our stuff" not like this it isn't! I have jewelry from my Gran, now, not worth anything to anyone bar me, but if it was worth millions it still would not mean my DH could just go and sell it behind my back!

Were ye together long? It sounds like he played whatever brand of charm he was offering and now couldn't give a hoot.

Coyoacan · 04/10/2021 17:06

I can't even take that behaviour from a friend, let alone a life partner. The sooner you divorce him, the less of your assets he will walk away with in the settlement.

CircleofWillis · 04/10/2021 17:11

I am probably being melodramatic but I would protect myself in other ways as well. It sounds as if you do not know this man very well and you have been targeted for your finances. I would make sure that I have reported these thefts to the police and I would make a will leaving your assets to your children so that he will have no reason to 'bump you off' if he realises you want to divorce him.

OK reading that back it shows I've been watching too many TV true crime programmes. But his behaviour has already passed way beyond what is normal.

Guiltypleasures001 · 04/10/2021 17:16

Money for drugs ?
Kick him out call the police

BloomingTrees · 04/10/2021 17:25

You need to protect your remaining belongings immediately. Is he just going to carry on until you have an empty house ?

Maybe take stuff to your parents and make sure he can't access your bank accounts. Check he hasn't taken any credit cards or loans out in your name.

Most importantly report him to the police, kick him out and get a divorce ASAP.

Spain1980 · 04/10/2021 17:27

So have read on here a lot of knee jerk and potentially very confrontational suggestions - based on very little information. We don’t know your feelings for this man, the type relationship he had with you and your children or indeed why he is doing this. What we do know is that a) what he is doing is very wrong and b) it makes you uncomfortable enough to consider divorce.

Take this one step at a time:

  1. Firstly know that this is not ok and you do need to do something about it. This cannot continue. It has potential to escalate into something much worse. If he is a good person with problems he too needs help - so don’t feel bad about ‘telling’ on him you are doing the right thing.
  2. Get some support. To someone you trust about this, your family, police or a victim support group.
  3. It looks from what you have said, and not said, that this cannot be resolved while you are cohabiting. So take steps to ‘have a break’ or similar while you figure this out.
  4. You may or may not decide divorce is the answer but it’s not the starting point. The starting point is ending this behaviour and the potential impact on you and your children. The only way to do this is to cut off access to your belongings (and your parent’s and children’s too). That means removing him from the home and making sure (as others have advised) he cannot access any other assets ie changing passwords, closing joint accounts etc.

I am so sorry you are going through this - you must feel overwhelmed. But for the sake of your and your children’s well-being you must take action. Start by talking to somebody who can help you. Good luck.

ok1more · 04/10/2021 17:28

@mam0918

I have had issue with my DH being a little sticky-fingered with me and it annoys the hell out of me but he's never sold my belonging.

He will just take my bank card whenever he wants (usually for house bills and food shops but they are often the house bills he's supposed to pay after I already paid my half or the food shop will then have his beer and wine wacked onto it) and isn't shy of helping himself to any money he finds 'lying around' but its usually small amounts like fiver or less.

If my husband was selling mine, my parents and my kids things without telling me there would be WW3 in this household - I don't think I could overlook and stay with someone like that.

Yuck. How do still look at him and find him attractive. That's so gross
ok1more · 04/10/2021 17:29

Was he doing this before you married him OP? If so why are you so bothered by it now and why did you marry him?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/10/2021 17:29

@mam0918

Your husband is regularly stealing from you just like OP's. He just isn't selling stuff on, he's stealing money.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/10/2021 17:29

My guess is that there were countless red flags before you got married, but you married him anyway. Don't prolong this mistake by staying with him. Report the theft to police, kick him out and get a divorce.

BlueJag · 04/10/2021 17:31

Tell him to get out willingly or you are going to call the police for theft.
I'm shocked you married someone that has no job, no money and has to depend on a single Mum for income. Get out fast. Run.

Goldbar · 04/10/2021 17:33

Kick him out. Divorce him.

Tell him you're going to the police unless he leaves quietly and gives you the money to replace the stuff he has stolen.

Pinkbonbon · 04/10/2021 17:33

Omg. Throw him out immediately.

I suspect it'll be an online gambling addiction but seriously, how dare he steal from you and your children!

Speak to a solicitor ASAP as he may have designs on your home. I'd also report the thefts to the police as you may have to prove during the divorce that this man married you in order to steal from you. That way he will hopefully not be entitled to anything in the divorce from you.

He may have ran other cons too that you are unaware of, eg: via using your address. So defo report the to the police.