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Original poster

Husband Lying to Me About Purchases

103 replies

evie19781 · 03/10/2021 16:46

Hey all

I came to this Chatroom for advice as my husband did something that was a little strange and I don't really have an explanation for. I'm hoping you guys might be able to give me some insights or tell me that I'm just being paranoid. For context he recently started a new job that involves overnight stays, and generally I feel we have a good relationship.

About two weeks ago he went out shopping, I didn't go out with him as I was busy at home. Anyway, he came home and I asked if he had bought anything and he replied no. I didn't think anything of it at the time. Yesterday I was working on our laptop and he had left his email signed in. We have our own personal emails but aren't really precious on keeping them locked up etc.

I noticed in the Inbox that there were two receipts on the day that he had went shopping and told me that he hadn't bought anything. He had bought some unisex expensive aftershave/perfume and some clothes. The clothes were clearly for him as they were mens clothes in his sizes. I just found this really odd. When he came home from the trip, he had no bags with him and I asked him outright if he had bought anything with the answer being no. So clearly he lied to me about this.

We don't have any money issues and I wouldn't have had a problem if he had said yes I bought X and Y. Normally if he buys new clothes he would come home, try them on and show me for my opinion. Therefore I can't understand why he would feel the need to lie to me about making these purchases. He's at work at the moment so I can't ask him about it as he is not contactable.

The fact that he lied to me is making me feel a little uneasy... am I being paranoid?

OP posts:
Tiredofbs123 · 04/10/2021 11:32

Tbh I think the buying clothes bit is a red herring.

The concern is the lying.

In my experience, it was the strange lies that happened for no explainable reason, that waved a red flag at me and had me on high alert.

Later on, I found that the little lies were covering for some that were far far greater and that he had just learnt to lie to cover his tracks and it became second nature over little things.

I don’t know what is behind all this OP and I wouldn’t want to speculate but your spidey sense is talking to you. If listen to it.

GoodnightGrandma · 04/10/2021 11:39

At the end of the day, she asked him if he bought anything and he said no. But she’s found the proof that he did.
He’a liar, if nothing else.

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 04/10/2021 11:42

It does sound dodgy. I think you need to go in with an open mind that he may actually be having an affair.

Or a son you don't know about

SunshineCake1 · 04/10/2021 11:44

Sadly I know of someone who was only ever at work or home. He had an affair. Stayed out all night on a legitimate work thing except this time was shagging her. Left work to see her. I really really hope it is innocent.

JovialNickname · 04/10/2021 14:15

It's a bit odd but I wouldn't go overboard jumping to conclusions.

You don't sound needy in any way from your posts, but do you ask him where he's going/ what he's done quite a lot, could he have just wanted to go shopping without coming home to 20 questions? (Not meaning to be rude but you know what I mean)

Has it just been his birthday or has he somehow come into a small amount of money recently? Could he have just wanted to splash out on some items for himself without making it a big deal?

I think there are many innocent explanations for this, including him just blurting out "nothing" as a default, or because he was tired from shopping, hangry, whatever. I wouldn't jump to conclusions unless he's being weird in other ways too.

IM0GEN · 04/10/2021 14:40

This is what I think. He’s bought a nice set of clothes and aftershave to keep at his affair partners home. He’s dressing casually to go to work but going to her place instead .

He knows that the Op would be suspicious if he left home for “ work “ wearing smart clothes and aftershave, as that’s not his normal routine. And there’s less chance of her finding hairs / perfume on his “ home “ clothes.

Workinghardeveryday · 04/10/2021 14:53

I also think he has a set of smart clothes and aftershave for her house. Or the perfume was for her.

Sorry op, hope I am wrong. You really need to get a look at his phone! Xx

Jaguarshoes · 04/10/2021 14:59

Why would anyone need a fancy set of clothes to wear at their affair partner’s house? They are likely not wearing clothes if that’s the case. Is the aftershave even one he’d usually wear? Otherwise that would also be strange. He’d smell differently which the wife would pick up on. It’s strange he lied but I wouldn’t jump to conclusions.

Wilderflower · 04/10/2021 15:16

Hi Op, I hope you are doing a little better today and find out the truth soon. I really hope there’s some silly/innocent explanation behind it all Flowers

MydogWillow · 04/10/2021 16:08

I think in isolation it does seem a little odd but unexplained rather than red flag.

However if this in addition to other behaviours which are making your spider senses twitch then something is definitely amiss.

Hope you get to the bottom of it quickly and it turns out to be innocent.

Crikeyalmighty · 04/10/2021 16:18

I think the same too @IM0GEN. And said as much above.

HalzTangz · 04/10/2021 16:55

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

I'm confused. Why did he have a receipt in his inbox for items he bought in person? The only shops this has ever happened to me with is Curry's PC World and Halfords (and its so they can flog you extended warranty.)

Or have I got the wrong end of the stick and these purchases were online?

I get asked at loads of shops if I want an email or paper receipt. Always pick email that way I can store them in a folder. Paper ones get lost in the 'never never' realms of my handbag never to be seen againGrinGrin
HalzTangz · 04/10/2021 17:02

@evie19781

He works as a residential care worker at homes for adults with special needs. So he does night shifts and stays over at the various homes that the company has. He doesn't wear a uniform and they can dress really casually.

If he was having an affair, then the only place he could be doing it would be at work but that would be really risky and he loves his job. He does work with lots of women though, but I doubt any sensible person would hook up in that environment as it would only take a resident/another member of staff to spot something and it would be a whole world of trouble...

Could it be he's felt sorry for one of his charges as bought clothes for them
HalzTangz · 04/10/2021 17:05

Why wait, forward the email receipt to him and as why he lied. He may work in a care home but he can still use his phone on his breaks. My daughter does the same job, no phones whilst with patients but phones allowed on all breaks

HalzTangz · 04/10/2021 17:06

@unicornpooppoop

Affairs in care homes are rife
Really, and do you have evidence of this?
Filthycop · 04/10/2021 17:22

Not sure what age/type he cares for - is it possible he was helping out a client and didnt want you to know - maybe he worried you'd think he overstepped a line?

layladomino · 04/10/2021 19:48

It is strange behaviour and I can't think of a good reason for him not to tell you he bought something, other than he didn't want you to know, as you asked directly.

An explanation could be he bought clothes and smellies so he can have a night out with work colleagues without you knowing (ie when you think he's working).

Odd though that he didn't come up with a cover story. (If you were going shopping and coming back empty-handed, how do you explain why you needed to go shopping? Did he say why he wanted to go out shopping that day, or is he in the habit of going shopping on his own just to pass some time?)

layladomino · 04/10/2021 19:49

What about.... see the receipts, purchase the exact same item, plant it in the bathroom / on the bed.

See how he reacts?

Probably not a fail-safe plan now I think about it Smile

backtolifebacktoreality · 04/10/2021 20:02

I'm sorry but it sound me to me that he may not always be at work overnight. Could there be occasions where he tells you that he's at work but could be staying elsewhere? In which case he would need "going out" clothes.

I don't think you should wait until the new clothes turn up before you ask him. They may never turn up if he has left them at someone else's house.

HarrisonStickle · 04/10/2021 20:06

OP, you originally said that you'd asked him if he'd bought anything.

In another post you said you'd asked if he'd bought anything nice.

Which was it?

Because if you'd asked him if he'd bought anything nice and he said no then that seems reasonable to me. The perfume might be for you for Christmas, the clothes could be for work, or as someone else said, they could have been bought for a resident and he'll get the money back for them.

I think jumping to the conclusion he's having an affair is a bit of a leap on the current evidence.

Workinghardeveryday · 04/10/2021 21:03

@HarrisonStickle good point

fidgetmad · 04/10/2021 22:39

@HarrisonStickle

OP, you originally said that you'd asked him if he'd bought anything.

In another post you said you'd asked if he'd bought anything nice.

Which was it?

Because if you'd asked him if he'd bought anything nice and he said no then that seems reasonable to me. The perfume might be for you for Christmas, the clothes could be for work, or as someone else said, they could have been bought for a resident and he'll get the money back for them.

I think jumping to the conclusion he's having an affair is a bit of a leap on the current evidence.

Apart from a male being organised enough to buy a Christmas present in September might be one of the most unbelievable things I've ever read on MN.......😂

I'm only (half ) joking....do you have a birthday or anniversary coming up OP?

Gunkle1 · 10/10/2021 18:03

Might be late to the post. But the first thing that came to mind was he bought something that he doesn't usually wear. New fashion, something he isn't sure if suits him or wanting to try it at home before showing others. I have done this but under the guise usually online, ordering something that I like but not sure what I think. When it comes I play the "that's not what I thought, but what you think". Same could be said for the aftershave.

Wilderflower · 10/10/2021 18:53

Op, out of curiosity did you ever get to the bottom of this?

deste · 10/10/2021 19:39

Could he have bought them online and has to still pick them up.

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