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Original poster

Husband Lying to Me About Purchases

103 replies

evie19781 · 03/10/2021 16:46

Hey all

I came to this Chatroom for advice as my husband did something that was a little strange and I don't really have an explanation for. I'm hoping you guys might be able to give me some insights or tell me that I'm just being paranoid. For context he recently started a new job that involves overnight stays, and generally I feel we have a good relationship.

About two weeks ago he went out shopping, I didn't go out with him as I was busy at home. Anyway, he came home and I asked if he had bought anything and he replied no. I didn't think anything of it at the time. Yesterday I was working on our laptop and he had left his email signed in. We have our own personal emails but aren't really precious on keeping them locked up etc.

I noticed in the Inbox that there were two receipts on the day that he had went shopping and told me that he hadn't bought anything. He had bought some unisex expensive aftershave/perfume and some clothes. The clothes were clearly for him as they were mens clothes in his sizes. I just found this really odd. When he came home from the trip, he had no bags with him and I asked him outright if he had bought anything with the answer being no. So clearly he lied to me about this.

We don't have any money issues and I wouldn't have had a problem if he had said yes I bought X and Y. Normally if he buys new clothes he would come home, try them on and show me for my opinion. Therefore I can't understand why he would feel the need to lie to me about making these purchases. He's at work at the moment so I can't ask him about it as he is not contactable.

The fact that he lied to me is making me feel a little uneasy... am I being paranoid?

OP posts:
litterbird · 03/10/2021 20:03

Ok, my job whilst on furlough was a support worker in residential services for adults and children with special needs. It is entirely possible that he bought those things for a resident and has had to claim the money back. He works in adult services so there maybe a resident the same size as your husband. Also I have been on shift where my clothes have been soiled and have had to borrow some to get changed. it’s a good idea to have a spare set at work. I think you just need to tell him what you have discovered and just ask for an explanation in a non threatening way. Yes, some of the support workers I have worked with are having shenanigans going on who are married. Having on site accommodation for support workers who need it doesn’t help the situation. However, I personally don’t think your husband is in this category. Just tell him how you feel and just ask him for goodness sake!!!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/10/2021 20:07

But why did he lie about this?.

Op asked her husband if he had bought anything (no mention of the word nice) and he replied no.

GoodnightGrandma · 03/10/2021 20:11

[quote evie19781]@fumfspos - yes he definitely has a job. He pays half the mortgage so I would realise pretty quickly if he didn't.

@GoodnightGrandma - that makes sense. But why???!?!?!? (Not expecting you to answer that Smile)[/quote]
He hides them in the boot because he doesn’t want you to know what he’s bought. You need to look in the boot, but it’s probably gone now.
I know this as that’s what my DH does when he’s bought something I wouldn’t want him wasting money on.

3luckystars · 03/10/2021 20:13

Maybe he bought gifts?

You think you don’t have money troubles but you don’t know this if he is keeping secrets.

Terminallysleepdeprived · 03/10/2021 20:14

Could he have paid for them but not collected? Maybe shop have ordered his size in?

EspressoDoubleShot · 03/10/2021 20:18

@Terminallysleepdeprived

Could he have paid for them but not collected? Maybe shop have ordered his size in?
None of that makes sense. Op has seen online receipts he made a purchase Shops don’t speculatively order sizes on the hoof for unspecified customers in case they buy and then email to say, hey! Your size is in
ShuddaBeenMe · 03/10/2021 20:21

I would just ask him

Shelddd · 03/10/2021 20:22

@AttilaTheMeerkat

But why did he lie about this?.

Op asked her husband if he had bought anything (no mention of the word nice) and he replied no.

Lots of reasons... people lie all day long every day. You yourself lie all the time to your partner (We all do... some of us even lie and say we don't lie)... white lies are part of life.
HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 03/10/2021 20:24

I don't see why secretly buying clothes for himself would suggest an affair though. Perfume yes could be a present. But even if he wanted new clothes to look good for a new woman, there would be no need to hide the clothes from you op. Presumably these clothes would need to be washed, and so would come home. Unless he was storing and washing them at another woman's house, but if only there one night at a time would be very strange to keep a change of clothes there that you would then need to change out of again before leaving! I just can't see the link.

Do you know what the clothes are from the receipt?

Hawkins001 · 03/10/2021 20:30

@evie19781

Hey all

I came to this Chatroom for advice as my husband did something that was a little strange and I don't really have an explanation for. I'm hoping you guys might be able to give me some insights or tell me that I'm just being paranoid. For context he recently started a new job that involves overnight stays, and generally I feel we have a good relationship.

About two weeks ago he went out shopping, I didn't go out with him as I was busy at home. Anyway, he came home and I asked if he had bought anything and he replied no. I didn't think anything of it at the time. Yesterday I was working on our laptop and he had left his email signed in. We have our own personal emails but aren't really precious on keeping them locked up etc.

I noticed in the Inbox that there were two receipts on the day that he had went shopping and told me that he hadn't bought anything. He had bought some unisex expensive aftershave/perfume and some clothes. The clothes were clearly for him as they were mens clothes in his sizes. I just found this really odd. When he came home from the trip, he had no bags with him and I asked him outright if he had bought anything with the answer being no. So clearly he lied to me about this.

We don't have any money issues and I wouldn't have had a problem if he had said yes I bought X and Y. Normally if he buys new clothes he would come home, try them on and show me for my opinion. Therefore I can't understand why he would feel the need to lie to me about making these purchases. He's at work at the moment so I can't ask him about it as he is not contactable.

The fact that he lied to me is making me feel a little uneasy... am I being paranoid?

I suspect he's either part of the civil service or some sort of secretive agency, or he's having an affair.
BigFatLiar · 03/10/2021 20:32

But why did he lie about this?

Perhaps he's scared of her reaction. Maybe he thinks spending money without telling her will cause an argument.

GoodnightGrandma · 03/10/2021 20:34

Having an affair would be the obvious answer, but maybe they’re a present for someone at work - staff or patient.
If they’re for him they will need washing at some point !

Shelddd · 03/10/2021 20:38

@GoodnightGrandma

Having an affair would be the obvious answer, but maybe they’re a present for someone at work - staff or patient. If they’re for him they will need washing at some point !
I just don't get how its the obvious answer... it seems like one of the more far fetched less likely (but still possible) answers.

The most likely answer is that he bought it for someone else or he bought it for himself to change into at work.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/10/2021 20:50

These people do not have money issues.

These clothes were purchased for his own use. Why would he have bought something in his size for another member of staff or one of the people in the care facility?. The latter certainly would have been frowned upon by his employer and it does not explain why he purchased a different aftershave either the same day.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 03/10/2021 21:06

[quote evie19781]@EspressoDoubleShot he has started a new job in the last few months, but it isn't the kind of job you need to rock up smart and well dressed to.

I don't think he is having an affair as he is either with me or at work. Unless he is doing something at work... but that would be a major risk to his employment.[/quote]
But you just said he has overnight stays? So there's nothing stopping him going out on the pull once he's finished work, or from shagging a colleague who's also away?

3luckystars · 03/10/2021 21:08

It might not be a woman he is having an affair with.

Anyway that’s all a bit far fetched, he might have just forgotten.

He is ‘not contactable at work’ but he has to leave work at some stage and hopefully she can ask him then and put us all out of our misery. Unless something else crops up.

user1493494961 · 03/10/2021 21:39

If he's having an affair with a work colleague, the clothes/aftershave could be at colleague's house.

Itstimetoquit · 03/10/2021 21:46

I was a care worker for alot of years,and we did over nights,it's true affairs are rife,I've seen it and it was the people you would never expect it to be,is there any way of checking he is actually going to work,pay slips,time sheets? Sending hugs xxx

EspressoDoubleShot · 03/10/2021 22:22

Ok, so I had a friend her dp worked residential care. Late to sleepover to early or long day. Essentially sometimes he’d leave on a Friday afternoon return Saturday night. He was having it off with a woman he worked with. He was the sole sleepover worker on duty in staff flat, he was with the ow.

Sakurami · 04/10/2021 06:06

I can't see why he would keep clothes secret even if he was having an affair. Unless he keeps them at the home so that he doesn't have to worry about perfume smells etc.

GoodnightGrandma · 04/10/2021 10:00

I really hope it’s not what it sounds like, I hope there’s an innocent explanation 💐

CoronaPeroni · 04/10/2021 10:17

I would assume he's bought them for someone else. Either as a goodwill gesture or birthday presents. Does that sound likely? But then why wouldn't he say I bought some stuff but not for me. Hmmm....

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 04/10/2021 10:36

Op could you see what the clothes were? Was it stuff he'd normally wear?

Crikeyalmighty · 04/10/2021 10:47

Maybe he bought them so he had clothes to change into to go out in- whereas if he had took a change of clothes to work with him partner may well have asked him why he was taking spare clothes- Same with aftershave. People up to no good often do what seems to be illogical things. And for someone mentioning washing— given the job I wouldn’t have thought it too difficult to get stuff washed away from home either. Although it would look odd if they always wore the same thing if they were seeing the same person- I would keep an eye on emails OP and see if you get more like this of unaccountable ‘stuff’

WTFis2020 · 04/10/2021 11:26

OP, I reckon you subconsciously felt some kind of ‘somethings not right’ feeling before you even found those emails. Our gut has a remarkable way of hinting at us before we even suspect.

Play it cool and ask no questions. Get hold of that mobile phone! Don’t let him know you are onto him. Not yet xx