Husband Lying to Me About Purchases

[evie19781]

Hey all

I came to this Chatroom for advice as my husband did something that was a little strange and I don't really have an explanation for. I'm hoping you guys might be able to give me some insights or tell me that I'm just being paranoid. For context he recently started a new job that involves overnight stays, and generally I feel we have a good relationship.

About two weeks ago he went out shopping, I didn't go out with him as I was busy at home. Anyway, he came home and I asked if he had bought anything and he replied no. I didn't think anything of it at the time. Yesterday I was working on our laptop and he had left his email signed in. We have our own personal emails but aren't really precious on keeping them locked up etc.

I noticed in the Inbox that there were two receipts on the day that he had went shopping and told me that he hadn't bought anything. He had bought some unisex expensive aftershave/perfume and some clothes. The clothes were clearly for him as they were mens clothes in his sizes. I just found this really odd. When he came home from the trip, he had no bags with him and I asked him outright if he had bought anything with the answer being no. So clearly he lied to me about this.

We don't have any money issues and I wouldn't have had a problem if he had said yes I bought X and Y. Normally if he buys new clothes he would come home, try them on and show me for my opinion. Therefore I can't understand why he would feel the need to lie to me about making these purchases. He's at work at the moment so I can't ask him about it as he is not contactable.

The fact that he lied to me is making me feel a little uneasy... am I being paranoid?

That’s one hell of a convoluted scenario @ShoesEverywhere

If he works in a hospital, and he's a junior doctor for example, it would make sense that he sometimes sleeps over at work. It would also explain why he needed to buy new clothes and smellies - some kind of unpleasant bodily fluids accident at work, and he'd definitely need new clothes.

He works as a residential care worker at homes for adults with special needs. So he does night shifts and stays over at the various homes that the company has. He doesn't wear a uniform and they can dress really casually.

If he was having an affair, then the only place he could be doing it would be at work but that would be really risky and he loves his job. He does work with lots of women though, but I doubt any sensible person would hook up in that environment as it would only take a resident/another member of staff to spot something and it would be a whole world of trouble...

Or he could be telling you he's working a shift, when he isn't. My exh took half days here and there to have his affairs

But people risk their marriage for affairs.. Why not risk their job?

@ShoesEverywhere he came back from the shops in the same clothes he was wearing! LOL.

@Funnylittlefloozie totally. And his line of work, his clothes do sometimes get dirty and it would be totally appropriate to buy new clothes. But why lie about it? Why not say 'I bought some new clothes' when asked?

Its a strange thing to lie about.

@Boonlark and @Brollywasntneededafterall

I see both your points. Maybe I'm projecting my own standards onto him.

If he was having an affair, then the only place he could be doing it would be at work but that would be really risky and he loves his job. He does work with lots of women though, but I doubt any sensible person would hook up in that environment as it would only take a resident/another member of staff to spot something and it would be a whole world of trouble...

That has never stopped anyone having a workplace affair. Plenty of people do. I used to teach in a primary school and two of the teachers used to shag in the computer storage cupboard until they were caught and one of them was "managed out" of the job.

Sometimes the simplest explanation is the correct one. He has lied to you to get out of hot water with you.

What is he like with you day to day now?. Have you noticed any recent behaviour changes in him?. Mentionitus when it comes to a female colleague you now never hear about?. More secretive behaviour around his phone?.

I hope I am wrong here but I am thinking there is another woman and he certainly has opportunity as does she. Their work colleagues would not likely say anything either to their employer.

You said that you asked him “did you buy anything nice”
From my own point of view, (I can’t speak for others), I’d only mention anything particularly nice I’d bought. If I had to buy some new basic clothes for work and a work perfume/aftershave I was leaving there I probably wouldn’t class that as something nice and therefore wouldn’t mention it.

@Howshouldibehave

I would presume he’s having an affair. What are you going to do?

Really?! That makes my heart absolutely sink...

In terms of what I am going to do, I think I am going to wait and see if these new clothes turn up at home... and if they don't then ask him about it and try and find out why he lied over something so silly. I think its the only thing I can do.

I would be absolutely broken hearted though.

Very odd thing to lie about 🤔 I would feel the same

Affairs in care homes are rife

@unicornpooppoop

Affairs in care homes are rife

Fuck don't tell me that!

If he was having an affair at work, while he is supposed to be caring for vunerable people I would be absolutely livid. It would be bad enough cheating, but to neglect the people in your care to get your leg over is absolutely disgusting.

@WhoUsedMyName thanks I am glad you have said that. I was thinking I was just being paranoid

@evie19781 you need to become detected some how lol

Doesn't look great OP, but I would watch and wait. Now your guard is up you may begin to notice things.

Detective 🕵️‍♂️

This sounds like the sort of job where accidents happen and it's handy to have a spare outfit to keep at work for emergencies. Spare outfit kept in a staff locker. New job, so it may be an arrangement that didn't exist in his other job. Dirty clothes sent to laundry with residents' clothes.

Not worth mentioning to you because you asked if he'd bought anything nice and he hadn't. Just work clothes. Nothing he'd need your opinion on.

I think you're stretching it a bit to take the receipts as evidence of an an affair, if that's all you have to go on.

I think all I can do is watch and wait. I have no concrete proof of anything other than his secret shopping habits.

This really sucks . I would be totally lost without him. But obviously if he is playing away whilst looking after vunerable adults I would shop him to his boss myself as I think that would be the lowest of the low you could sink to.

It doesn’t sound great to me, like you said it is such an innocent thing to do and to not tell you makes it appear like it’s going to be used for a situation you won’t approve of. How is he with his phone? Texting more? With him more than usual? You probably wouldn’t have noticed if you didn’t suspect anything before this.

Could he have bought the clothes for someone he looks after who needs them and is worried about saying?
Don't know about the smellies OH won't wear the stuff.

Building a secret stash ready to leave.

I don't know I wouldn't jump right away to affair. I think it's possible don't get me wrong and I'm usually the first person to say trust your instinct and if something is odd than it's quite often the case...

but here I just see too many other possible explanations. He could have bought clothes for someone at his work whether client or co-worker and maybe thought you would scold him for spending $$ on someone when he wasn't going to get reimbursed for it. (whether you actually would have or not is irrelevant)

He could have had an incident like mentioned.

The thing about the affair though is that it doesn't make sense not to take the clothes home. Even if he buys clothes to look good for whoever why wouldn't he take them home?

I just have never seen anyone else find out their partner was cheating on them because they bought some clothes... unless it was a woman buying lingerie.

The thing about lying... is people give white lies all the time... actually the more innocent the reason the more likely someone is to lie.

I think go ahead and keep a look out for other things, maybe spy a little bit but I would keep an open mind and I wouldn't think 100% he is cheating.

Could he have brought them for someone else? Maybe a friend or colleague who is struggling for cash? A resident even. Maybe he’s not supposed to do that and wanted to keep it quiet or he may have been sworn to secrecy. Or maybe a gift for someone?