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Original poster

abduction - urgent advice needed

61 replies

Bjarnum · 03/10/2021 10:27

My daughter has been struggling unaided with her baby and wants to come home for a bit to get some support. Her partner( baby father)despite staying out all night says this is abduction! She is really worried - is he right?

OP posts:
Funnylittlefloozie · 03/10/2021 10:31

Its not abduction. Get her home with you, where she is safe. Her BF sounds completely stupid and nasty.

someonesomewhere7 · 03/10/2021 10:32

Wouldn't the question be better suited for the legal matters section?

Would she be leaving the country with the child? Otherwise, in lieu of a custody order, parents have equal rights to the kid and can travel freely as long as they don't leave the country as far as I know.

Hungry675tf · 03/10/2021 10:32

No its not. It s a line touted by abusive men to stop women getting the support they need to leave an abusive relationship.

Get her home Flowers

Teeturtle · 03/10/2021 10:33

What do you mean by “come home”?

Cazzovuoi · 03/10/2021 10:33

It depends. Is she abroad? If she takes the child out of the jurisdiction without his permission it’s considered abduction under The Hague Convention.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 03/10/2021 10:33

No.

JuneOsborne · 03/10/2021 10:33

Where is home? Same country?

Is she going to come 'home' on her own with the baby?

Does the father have PR?

Why would he say this? Does he think she's leaving him? That she won't come back?

Wtfdoipick · 03/10/2021 10:34

Where is your daughter? is she in the same country? The country she is resident in makes a difference

Marjoriedrawers · 03/10/2021 10:35

Consent is the key word I think. What happens when she is home? Will he be denied access to his child?

Marjoriedrawers · 03/10/2021 10:36

@GoodbyePorpoiseSpit

No.
Yes. Potentially. We don't know the circumstances.
Original poster
Bjarnum · 03/10/2021 10:38

Daughter in UK, living about 150 miles from us. She will bring the baby. No question of leaving the country. He is on the birth certificate as the father. Not sure if the break is permanent - but I think it unlikely. She is just stressed with the 24/7 doing it alone - he thinks it is all down to her as he works.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bjarnum · 03/10/2021 10:38

Thanks for all your input

OP posts:
Od130990 · 03/10/2021 10:39

He's sounds horrible
Are they married? I only ask because if they aren't she can leave. He can only get parental responsibility if she's signed any kind of joint parental agreement or if he has a court order, or if they jointly signed the birth certificate but even if he's on the birth certificate he can't stop her leaving. Hope your daughter & grandchild are ok Op

EdgeOfTheSky · 03/10/2021 10:43

Can you go and get her? If she is exhausted and travelling with a baby is she fit to drive?

It sounds as if she needs to leave him, staying out all night, accusing her of abduction etc.

But definitely have her to stay with you.

MitheringMytryl · 03/10/2021 10:46

Is he abusive? I hate jumping to conclusions but it's difficult not to wonder this based on what you've said here.

As long as she lives in the UK and she is travelling somewhere else in the UK, I really don't see how this can be considered abduction.

Funnylittlefloozie · 03/10/2021 10:46

OK, a few more details makes it clear its NOT abduction. If she comes to stay with you for a few days, she will get a bit of a rest, and he will get a bit of a shock. Its not abduction because she isn't keeping the baby away from him permanently, and he knows exactly where she and the baby are. Everyone is safe, and perhaps he will buck his ideas up a bit.

CoasterCoaster · 03/10/2021 10:52

No it's not abduction and the police wouldn't get involved, they might do a safe and well check but that would be it. Legally the worst he could do is apply to court for contact with the baby but that would take months and the court would be looking at what's best for baby, not him. He's just trying to scare her into staying, which is awful in itself, get her home OP Flowers

Chloemol · 03/10/2021 10:53

It’s not abduction. The father knows where the child is

Get her home and look after her

Caramellatteplease · 03/10/2021 10:53

Oh please be very very careful with this!

If they are on the verge of divorce/separation and she disappears to the other end of the country against his wishes, if she has no very obvious plan/need for return and he has text/email showing he doesn't agree, if it ends up in family court it can look very bad/get very messy indeed.

ApolloandDaphne · 03/10/2021 10:55

It's hardly abduction. She is coming home to visit her parents and have a bit of a rest/get support. He will be aware of where she is and if she is home for a while can make arrangements to come and see the child.

Caramellatteplease · 03/10/2021 11:00

As people have said it may not be legal abduction but if they are on the verge of separation treat it as the start of a separation and get legal advice first

Marjoriedrawers · 03/10/2021 11:02

@ApolloandDaphne

It's hardly abduction. She is coming home to visit her parents and have a bit of a rest/get support. He will be aware of where she is and if she is home for a while can make arrangements to come and see the child.
Against the father's consent. He has parental rights too.
MadinMarch · 03/10/2021 11:02

Oh please be very very careful with this!

If they are on the verge of divorce/separation and she disappears to the other end of the country against his wishes, if she has no very obvious plan/need for return and he has text/email showing he doesn't agree, if it ends up in family court it can look very bad/get very messy indeed.

More to the point, please be very very careful that he is not violent towards your daughter or the child at the point where he thinks they are leaving.
May be just go and collect her without giving him notice?

ApolloandDaphne · 03/10/2021 11:05

@Marjoriedrawers

Against the father's consent. He has parental rights too.

This is true but he can't keep her at home against her will either. If she is clear that she is not abducting the child and is merely going home for a break I don't think the police or any other authority will be concerned.

PandorasMailbox · 03/10/2021 11:06

Unless he's been awarded custody of the child in court, it's not abduction. She's also not leaving the country.

She's the child's mother and has every right to take her child to visit family.

He, on the other hand, is a controlling arsehole and she should get as far away from him as possible asap.

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