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Original poster

No 'new home' card from friend

68 replies

ampervis · 03/10/2021 08:31

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. My friend moved not so long ago (within the same area) and I sent a 'congratulations on your new home card'.

I've just moved to the other end of the country and I haven't received anything from her. She hasn't asked for my new address, and generally seems uninterested in the friendship now.

I know it's just a card, but I feel like it's symptomatic of a wider issue in our friendship, sadly.

I don't think I'd be so bothered if she didn't keep tabs on birthday/Christmas/etc cards from other people when she feels hard done by.

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 03/10/2021 08:33

Is sending a card really a thing?

I've moved a few times and never once have I received a card.

Have you made contact with her? Perhaps she is giving you time and space to get sorted in your new home?

AllTheCakes · 03/10/2021 08:34

You’re over thinking this.

Tellmewhat · 03/10/2021 08:35

Isn’t that a bit old-fashioned now?

Original poster
ampervis · 03/10/2021 08:35

@AllTheCakes

You’re over thinking this.
Maybe, it's more the change of her behaviour rather than receiving the actual card.
OP posts:
flowery · 03/10/2021 08:36

I just moved. No one has sent me a card. It hasn’t occurred to me that they were supposed to!

Original poster
ampervis · 03/10/2021 08:36

@Tellmewhat

Isn’t that a bit old-fashioned now?
Well maybe but she received loads, including one from me when she moved.

She gets very put out when people forget her birthday etc

OP posts:
FreeBritnee · 03/10/2021 08:36

Oh god I didn’t send my friend a New Home card. I honestly didn’t realise it was a thing when it isn’t your first home 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/10/2021 08:37

The card isn’t what you’re annoyed about, it’s that she is generally withdrawn from friendship

milkytwilightt · 03/10/2021 08:37

I don’t think this is really a thing any more

Werehamster · 03/10/2021 08:37

When my mum retired and moved far away from where she was living she just cut off all her friends there. She said she didn't see the point in keeping in contact with them anymore. I was surprised but some people do think like this.

Original poster
ampervis · 03/10/2021 08:38

@FreeBritnee

Oh god I didn’t send my friend a New Home card. I honestly didn’t realise it was a thing when it isn’t your first home 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
It's not really a thing though I know. It's rather that she does do those things, and expects it from others.

As I said, it's not really the card, more the change of her behaviour.

But of course I'm probably being unreasonable!

OP posts:
Original poster
ampervis · 03/10/2021 08:38

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

The card isn’t what you’re annoyed about, it’s that she is generally withdrawn from friendship
Yeah
OP posts:
Ragwort · 03/10/2021 08:38

Have you sent her a change of address card?

It does seem a bit dated now ... I actually received a change of address card last week and it made me realise that I hadn't received one for many years .. I did then send a 'New Home' card and letter to my friend but I honestly can't remember when ai last received a change of address card.

Original poster
ampervis · 03/10/2021 08:38

@Werehamster

When my mum retired and moved far away from where she was living she just cut off all her friends there. She said she didn't see the point in keeping in contact with them anymore. I was surprised but some people do think like this.
Wow! So sad!
OP posts:
Werehamster · 03/10/2021 08:39

Sorry, what I mean is perhaps your friend can't see the point in doing a long distance friendship with you.

Original poster
ampervis · 03/10/2021 08:39

@Ragwort

Have you sent her a change of address card?

It does seem a bit dated now ... I actually received a change of address card last week and it made me realise that I hadn't received one for many years .. I did then send a 'New Home' card and letter to my friend but I honestly can't remember when ai last received a change of address card.

No I didn't.

We did received one of those from some friends who relocated last year, I quite liked it!

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 03/10/2021 08:40

If you didn't tell her your new address, how is she meant to send a card?

Werehamster · 03/10/2021 08:40

@Werehamster

Sorry, what I mean is perhaps your friend can't see the point in doing a long distance friendship with you.
Sorry, that sounds worse. Yes, I don't understand it as we can be so connected with Facebook and everything but perhaps your friend just prefers in person friendships, so thinks now you've moved there isn't much point in keeping in touch. I don't know but I guess it's possible.
SoupDragon · 03/10/2021 08:44

@isthismylifenow

If you didn't tell her your new address, how is she meant to send a card?
This.

You are complaining that she didn't ask for your new address, she is probably equally miffed that you "couldn't be bothered" to tell her.

Clarefromwork · 03/10/2021 08:48

I think I know what you mean, when she moved (and has other life events) she expects others to make a fuss but doesn’t recognise the same events for others.

Even if your not actually that fussed about receiving a card, attention etc I think it still comes across as quite selfish on the other persons part - you feel like you are only there to cheer them on and it’s not reciprocated.

LizziesTwin · 03/10/2021 08:48

Send her an email/WhatsApp saying you’re looking forward to seeing her at your new home with your address.

Original poster
ampervis · 03/10/2021 08:49

@Werehamster

Sorry, what I mean is perhaps your friend can't see the point in doing a long distance friendship with you.
Yeah... which I can only take personally because she maintains long distance friendships with other friends.

I'm quite shocked honestly because we were very close at one point.

I don't want to drip feed but there is a small backstory surrounding how I dealt with a miscarriage at Christmas last year.

Long story short. We were ttc number 2 for a long time (after no problems ttc number 1), decided to go down the ivf route. I was very open and confided in her. The resultant pregnancy ended in miscarriage and I shut down all communication re IVF after that. In a fairly 'heated' discussion after some weeks, she told me I was pushing her away etc etc etc. While true in a way, I said I was sorry for making her feel that way, but it wasn't personal I just didn't want to talk about any of it. I stated that about 4-5 times during that conversation. Initially I felt guilty that I made her feel pushed out but actually, I was/am still grieving and really just DIDNT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH ANYONE!

Perhaps this is why I feel sensitive about a stupid card.

OP posts:
Original poster
ampervis · 03/10/2021 08:49

@isthismylifenow

If you didn't tell her your new address, how is she meant to send a card?
By asking for my new address like everyone else?
OP posts:
Original poster
ampervis · 03/10/2021 08:50

@Clarefromwork

I think I know what you mean, when she moved (and has other life events) she expects others to make a fuss but doesn’t recognise the same events for others.

Even if your not actually that fussed about receiving a card, attention etc I think it still comes across as quite selfish on the other persons part - you feel like you are only there to cheer them on and it’s not reciprocated.

Yes you've put this better than I did!
OP posts:
BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 03/10/2021 08:51

I wouldn't give someone my new address unless they asked for it and no one has ever given me their address unprompted.