No 'new home' card from friend

[ampervis]

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. My friend moved not so long ago (within the same area) and I sent a 'congratulations on your new home card'.

I've just moved to the other end of the country and I haven't received anything from her. She hasn't asked for my new address, and generally seems uninterested in the friendship now.

I know it's just a card, but I feel like it's symptomatic of a wider issue in our friendship, sadly.

I don't think I'd be so bothered if she didn't keep tabs on birthday/Christmas/etc cards from other people when she feels hard done by.

@starfishmummy

You are complaining that she didn't ask for your new address, she is probably equally miffed that you "couldn't be bothered" to tell her.

This. To me the onus is on the person who has moved telling everyone that either new address rather than on their friends asking for it.

Ok maybe fair enough.

I now feel odd just texting her my address out of the blue...

In my circle it's very much the done thing to send a card OP so you're not odd! She obviously knows this and has received yours.

I agree though it is definitely symptomatic of how either she isn't really that bothered about the friendship or something is going on in her life and she's distracted.

Tbf I'm like friend if a friend moved faraway I wouldn't see a point in keeping up a friendship I'd move on to find new friends. Nothing mean it's just I'd find it pointless keeping up a friendship when I may never see that person again or atleast for a long long time

I don't think new home cards are really a thing anymore tbh.

Possibly for first home, but not someone just moving.

Tbh I never send new home cards, and was shocked when I received some. I didn't realise people did that!

I haven't sent or received a new home card. Tbh I'm a bit like your friend, if a friend moves far away I don't cut them off but I do wind back the friendship. I'd send a message here and there, maybe a happy birthday, but that's it. Sometimes we end up moving closer years later and pick up the friendship again

@TreeSmuggler

I haven't sent or received a new home card. Tbh I'm a bit like your friend, if a friend moves far away I don't cut them off but I do wind back the friendship. I'd send a message here and there, maybe a happy birthday, but that's it. Sometimes we end up moving closer years later and pick up the friendship again

Why is that?

Covid didn't stop us being friends and we didn't see each other throughout all that.

@Ragwort

Have you sent her a change of address card?

It does seem a bit dated now ... I actually received a change of address card last week and it made me realise that I hadn't received one for many years .. I did then send a 'New Home' card and letter to my friend but I honestly can't remember when ai last received a change of address card.

Why on earth is this "dated"? That's a crazy view!

Did you post about her before? The MC issue rings a bell. I don't think I commented on that thread (if it was yours) but I remember thinking she sounded very self-obsessed and frankly tiresome.

You are being petty withholding your address and waiting for her to ask. It's like you're testing how keen she is to send a card.

If she's withdrawn and disinterested in other ways, fair enough there may be an issue, but her not sending a card, when you haven't given your address, is not a fair measure.

Everyone saying it's petty to not send out your address when you move, unprompted, did it occur to you that not everyone thinks like you?

Those saying they expect the person moving to provide the address, what would you do if they didn't? Would you ask for it and still send them a card? Because it would be petty if you didn't.

Why is that?

Covid didn't stop us being friends and we didn't see each other throughout all that.

Fair question, I suppose it's not the length of time apart, it's feeling like we will see each other when we can.

I feel awkward when someone sends me a card or new house gift. I know I'll move at some point again.

Is that a common thing? Seems a waste of paper!

When you move, it is up to you to advise your new address to friends/acquaintances but as so many people communicate on social media these days, it may end up being on a 'need to know' basis eg if you expect them to be physically visiting.

I have never sent a new home card in my life

@lovelybitofsquirrell

I don't think new home cards are really a thing anymore tbh.

Possibly for first home, but not someone just moving.

Well, there are plenty of them in the shops so they must "still be a thing".

This is the definition of "high maintenance" people for me. I couldn't be bothered with all this emotional caretaking of what seem to me like adult tantrums.

Let go and chill. In my life every friendship where distance had become a thing, has eventually fizzled out. Every single one. It's still nice if we ever meet again, but generally the contact ceases. Would that not be the case, I'd be spending more time sending cards to long-distance imaginary friends, than keeping my real ones happy. It's difficult enough as is keeping in touch with my family abroad!