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Original poster

No 'new home' card from friend

68 replies

ampervis · 03/10/2021 08:31

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. My friend moved not so long ago (within the same area) and I sent a 'congratulations on your new home card'.

I've just moved to the other end of the country and I haven't received anything from her. She hasn't asked for my new address, and generally seems uninterested in the friendship now.

I know it's just a card, but I feel like it's symptomatic of a wider issue in our friendship, sadly.

I don't think I'd be so bothered if she didn't keep tabs on birthday/Christmas/etc cards from other people when she feels hard done by.

OP posts:
UnsuitableHat · 03/10/2021 08:52

Card is neither here nor there - sounds like there are deeper issues with the friendship for you. Maybe it's worth giving it a chance though? And just send her your new address if you want her to have it.

Original poster
ampervis · 03/10/2021 08:52

@BunnytheFriendlyDragon

I wouldn't give someone my new address unless they asked for it and no one has ever given me their address unprompted.
I asked for hers, specifically the postcode, so I could send her her card when she moved. If she wanted to send me a card, she could do the same
OP posts:
Original poster
ampervis · 03/10/2021 08:54

@UnsuitableHat

Card is neither here nor there - sounds like there are deeper issues with the friendship for you. Maybe it's worth giving it a chance though? And just send her your new address if you want her to have it.
Definitely deeper issues! I don't know what I should do. I just hate the limbo I'm currently in; feeling upset and annoyed but not actually doing or saying anything about it.

Currently a waste of my energy

OP posts:
theyregonnaknow · 03/10/2021 08:54

Social media has killed cards Sad

I love any excuse to send a card. It bothers me that people think it's acceptable to just write happy birthday on fb, or a fb status wishing everyone a merry Christmas! So sad!

Obviously only send cards to my actual friends and family, and I keep an up-to-date address and birthday book! Blush

UnsuitableHat · 03/10/2021 08:56

Whenever I've moved (not for a while, admittedly), I've sent out my new address to friends. Waiting for someone to ask sounds a bit like testing them & could feel unnecessarily stressful. Obvs there's more to this in terms of your feelings about the friendship though.

DontGiveAFlyingFig · 03/10/2021 09:00

I agree, it's not really about the card.

Send her a message about the move etc, include your address and maybe a potential meet up. She'll do one of two things get back to you and you go from there or just send a message like 'yeah we must keep in touch' and then won't.

Maybe this is the end of that chapter of your life with her, onwards and upwards Thanks

Werehamster · 03/10/2021 09:01

Well, as harsh as it sounds, you've moved far away. Maybe it is time to focus on making new friendships and leave this one behind, if it is causing you stress.

Original poster
ampervis · 03/10/2021 09:06

@DontGiveAFlyingFig

I agree, it's not really about the card.

Send her a message about the move etc, include your address and maybe a potential meet up. She'll do one of two things get back to you and you go from there or just send a message like 'yeah we must keep in touch' and then won't.

Maybe this is the end of that chapter of your life with her, onwards and upwards Thanks

I feel like the ship has sailed.

We're still in contact every couple of days (down from every day like before).

She did say things like 'we never did go and do xyz together' before I moved. Which made me feel like she was writing the relationship off once I had gone.

I suppose it's that thing of reason, season, lifetime

OP posts:
UnsuitableHat · 03/10/2021 09:13

If you're in contact every couple of days (which sounds very regular to me), could there still be life in the friendship?

squ1ds · 03/10/2021 09:15

@UnsuitableHat

If you're in contact every couple of days (which sounds very regular to me), could there still be life in the friendship?
Definitely. Except I'm harbouring these feelings of annoyance which I need to either let go, or bring up.
Lovesacake · 03/10/2021 09:17

I’m surprised by the number of people who are saying they don’t send cards for a new home! I always send cards, I thought everyone did. Only to close friends and family but literally the first thing I think when I hear someone has moved is ‘must ask for the address so I can send a card’!

Ragwort · 03/10/2021 09:18

I think you are being a bit petty now by not giving her your new address 'until she asks for it' Hmm.

If you are in touch every couple of days surely most people would say, 'I've moved and my new address is .......'. Or send a change of address card.

Sometimes you just do lose touch with people, it happens .... it's happened to me but equally I have lost touch for a few years and then got back in contact and the friendship blossoms after a few years 'of nothing'. My DM is late 80s but has friends from school, college etc... often they haven't met up for many years but now, as widows, they are reigniting the friendships. Smile. And not on Social Media !

Ragwort · 03/10/2021 09:20

Love I send cards ... for new homes, new babies, condolence, thank you etc ... but I am very old fashioned and don't use social media (apart from Mumsnet).

squ1ds · 03/10/2021 09:21

She knows I've moved though. Randomly sending my address would be weird, wouldn't it?

SunshineCake1 · 03/10/2021 09:28

Irrelevant what others do, PP.

I always send a new home card and have received a couple back. I love to get cards which is part of the reason I send them. I know how nice it is to receive.

Maybe she's not a card sender. I think it is out of order to get pissed off if she doesn't receive a card when she doesn't think to send them. Only do what you won't be upset not to receive back.

GetDrunkWithMe · 03/10/2021 09:30

Time to move on OP and find some new friends.

coffeeisthebest · 03/10/2021 09:30

I think there is still hope here but you are going to need to be honest about how you're feeling in order to move past this point of stuckness in your relationship. This isn't about the card, so from the sounds of it it's about a miscommunication. I'm sorry for what you went through and I completely understand why you may not have been able to talk about it and it's definitely not reasonable of her to demand that you did but for the sake of getting increasingly resentful over small things it sounds like it will be worth tackling this bigger issue. Go for it. What do you have to lose?

Bitofachinwag · 03/10/2021 09:31

@isthismylifenow

If you didn't tell her your new address, how is she meant to send a card?
Yes , when you move it's up to you to letpeople know your new address. People shouldn't have to ask.
MatildaIThink · 03/10/2021 09:33

I have never really understood the sending of bits of dead tree to adults, I would rather receive a phone call or a message than a card.

Loudestcat14 · 03/10/2021 09:38

The onus is generally on the person who's moved to send out new address details to those they want to keep in touch with, so I think you're being a bit petty about her not sending a card. But, like PP, I also think it's more about you feeling sad the relationship seems to be coming to an end. That's understandable. The only way to salvage it now is to have a really honest chat and both of you air how you are feeling.

AliMonkey · 03/10/2021 09:38

I find it very odd that you haven’t sent eg an email with your new address to all your friends and family. If I wasn’t sent it by a friend who moved, I’d take it as a sign that they didn’t want to stay in touch - although that may be because I don’t use Facebook etc so my friendships are generally in person/phone/email. I would send a card to a good friend, assuming they sent me their address.

Tilltheend99 · 03/10/2021 09:48

Really it is your responsibility to tell her your new address first then complain about if she has sent you a card or not. I will ask friends for their new address (as enjoy writing to people) but it feels a bit like begging. If you want her to be old school and send you a card then you need to be old school and send out a change of address (even if only by email) She probably has her own thread somewhere complaining about how you used to be friends but moved away and didn’t tell her where you lived.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 03/10/2021 09:49

@Tellmewhat

Isn’t that a bit old-fashioned now?
I got about 10 new home cards - I moved at the beginning of the year. I don't think it's old fashioned and I really appreciated, during lockdown, people showing they wished me well. I understand it's hurtful, OP.
BatshitCrazyWoman · 03/10/2021 09:53

@theyregonnaknow

Social media has killed cards Sad

I love any excuse to send a card. It bothers me that people think it's acceptable to just write happy birthday on fb, or a fb status wishing everyone a merry Christmas! So sad!

Obviously only send cards to my actual friends and family, and I keep an up-to-date address and birthday book! Blush

So do I!
starfishmummy · 03/10/2021 10:04

You are complaining that she didn't ask for your new address, she is probably equally miffed that you "couldn't be bothered" to tell her.

This. To me the onus is on the person who has moved telling everyone that either new address rather than on their friends asking for it.