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Original poster

Boyfriend has just told me he has HPV virus

58 replies

Zaza6375 · 02/10/2021 12:47

Hey all,
Hope you’re well on this rainy Saturday.

Last year I left my husband after 29yrs.
We were very unhappy and he didn’t love me.
I have started dating and after a few misses I have met the most amazing man or so I thought.
He ticks every box. I’m a changed woman just so happy I’m every way.

However this morning he tells me that yesterday he went to have a small wart removed from the base of his penis. He was worried and went to get it checked.
He then tells me that he his ex wife (8 years ago) gave him genital warts and that he had had the HPV virus which he had assumed that had gone as he has had no symptoms for years.

He has never mentioned having the virus 8 yrs ago and we have had unprotected sex so I assume that I now have it.

I can’t help but feel upset. He is so bloody perfect in every way. I just feel he should have told me.
Am I overreacting?
I actually hope I am because I’m a bit loved up but I’m also very pissed off.

Will book smear test
Any advice greatly received

OP posts:
Sonaftersonafterson · 02/10/2021 12:52

I would be pissed off, because of the unprotected sex. That's really out of order, hes put your sexual health at risk.
I wouldn't leave him over it but you have every right to be very angry with him.

SelkieQualia · 02/10/2021 12:53

HPV isn't like HSV. There are heaps of different types. Most people will have had exposure to a few strains. Also, I think the strains that cause cancer are different to the genial wart ones.

AdaHopper · 02/10/2021 13:01

Also, protected sex doesn't actually protect you from HPV.
Most people that are not vaccinated will get the virus at some point in their lives.

TimeToDateAgain · 02/10/2021 13:05

HPV types 6 and 11 are associated with genital warts.

The HPV never clears even when there are no symptoms. Most of us will end up with HPV (vaccinations protect against problematic strains).

www.jostrust.org.uk/information/hpv/hpv-and-genital-warts

www.nhs.uk/conditions/human-papilloma-virus-hpv/

VanCleefArpels · 02/10/2021 13:05

I’ve recently been told I’m HPV positive after a smear - they are actively looking for it now. GP told me 8 out of 10 people have HPV. I’ve only had one sexual partner for 30 years. So likely my other half has it too. I may have had it since I was a teen and became sexually active.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s not necessarily a huge deal. Yes you should be tested as HPV is linked to cervical cancer - hence testing for it in regular smears. Your partner did the right thing to get himself checked, HPV is linked to penile cancer.

You could use condoms. But I would mark it down to bad luck more than anything

mummyh2016 · 02/10/2021 13:12

YABVU. My smear test 12 months ago showed I was HPV positive. I've been with DH for 14 years, I've not slept with anyone else and neither has he. It's not as though he's given you chlamydia ffs.

GrumpyTerrier · 02/10/2021 13:13

Alot of people don't know that you can have it for years with no sign of it. He probably honestly didn't think he had it. YANBU for being pissed off but I wouldn't necessarily be annoyed with him assuming you think he is telling the truth.

Iloveabourbon2 · 02/10/2021 13:15

Your not overreacting OP.

However you may have it already. Lots of people have it and if you don't have warts it's a silent thing when you go for a smear it doesn't always show up at that particular time.

optimistic40 · 02/10/2021 13:19

Obviously keep your smear tests up to date, but the HPV that causes warts tends to be the LOW RISK HPV. High risk HPVs are different strains.

Also: you might have given it to him. If you had HPV and did not know (did not have warts, or could not see them) you might have passed it to him.

HariboBrenshnio · 02/10/2021 13:20

It's likely he doesn't have it now, it comes and goes. It's very hard to protect against as majority are carriers. I was positive for it after my 2nd baby, had only been with DP in 10 years but was very active before him. I had 2 extra smears but I'm not not testing positive. I think you're overreacting here but book in a smear to reassure yourself.

mummyh2016 · 02/10/2021 13:20

@optimistic40

Obviously keep your smear tests up to date, but the HPV that causes warts tends to be the LOW RISK HPV. High risk HPVs are different strains.

Also: you might have given it to him. If you had HPV and did not know (did not have warts, or could not see them) you might have passed it to him.

This. You don't know he has passed it onto you, and if anything you could've passed it onto him.
Pinkbonbon · 02/10/2021 13:26

Hpv is very common. But if he slept with you eith a wart present then yeah, I would be fecking raging.

But why were you having unprotected sex anyway?
Especially with a new bf! I know ppl will say 'heat of the moment' and all that but sorry op, that's bullshit. Don't have sex without a condom, ever. It's always a risk.

Original poster
Zaza6375 · 02/10/2021 13:28

Thanks all.
I think it more to do with meeting such a lovely man that I keep thinking is too good to be true! Waiting for the fall.
He is mortified obviously.
I really appreciate all your honesty in this.

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 02/10/2021 13:34

It's so common that the NHS testing centre i went to doesn't even bother testing any more, so if you do want to be tested, you might need to go private. You might also want to Google a bit about whether it might be worth having the HPV vaccination. It's very unlikely you could get it from the NHS and it's not cheap.

In the meantime- I'd have a major discussion about openness and what he thought he was doing. But I wouldn't give up on him.

Elieza · 02/10/2021 13:49

Is it not one of those things that you always have once infected but it flares up and dies back so he is prob just run down and it’s appeared again. He prob thought he was in the clear and didn’t know any better.

Most of us have it. I tested positive twenty years ago. Since then I’ve had many smears and never had any issues.

They couldn’t tell me what strain I had as it was so long ago and they didn’t know as much then as now.

Can you get tested privately for this to work out the strain you both have?

If so I’d get that myself. So good MN’s, who do you go to for testing and what does it cost please?

Original poster
Zaza6375 · 02/10/2021 13:57

@Elieza thank you
I think you’re right he didn’t think it was a problem when we met as it had laid dormant for 8 years.
Will book in for a smear to get checked out.

OP posts:
CamillaRose · 02/10/2021 13:57

Protected sex doesn’t stop you catching HPV. You’d catch it regardless from any genital skin contact. 80% of people catch it at some point. It isn’t a big deal.

Original poster
Zaza6375 · 02/10/2021 13:58

@Pinkbonbon he found the wart this week and had it removed yesterday.
I haven’t seen him in a fortnight. So no sex

OP posts:
Original poster
Zaza6375 · 02/10/2021 14:03

@CamillaRose I think that being married to the same man for 29 years has left me pretty naive to these things.
I was so upset and worried when he told me.
Mehhhh x

OP posts:
RAOK · 02/10/2021 14:05

Virtually everyone who is sexually active will get HPV at some point.

VanCleefArpels · 02/10/2021 14:16

@PermanentTemporary NHS is now screening for HPV as part of the usual cervical smear programme. This started only in the past couple of years.

VanCleefArpels · 02/10/2021 14:17

And HPV Vax not worth it after you become sexually active, that’s why they give it to young teens.

NotMyCat · 02/10/2021 14:18

I honestly wouldn't be worried. I had them at 18, frozen off, never returned and no issues since. Not pleasant having them frozen off

Original poster
Zaza6375 · 02/10/2021 14:18

@VanCleefArpels @PermanentTemporary ah that’s good to know. However there’s no treatment for it? So just have protected sex?
I need to go and quiz a dr!

OP posts: