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Original poster

Boyfriend has just told me he has HPV virus

58 replies

Zaza6375 · 02/10/2021 12:47

Hey all,
Hope you’re well on this rainy Saturday.

Last year I left my husband after 29yrs.
We were very unhappy and he didn’t love me.
I have started dating and after a few misses I have met the most amazing man or so I thought.
He ticks every box. I’m a changed woman just so happy I’m every way.

However this morning he tells me that yesterday he went to have a small wart removed from the base of his penis. He was worried and went to get it checked.
He then tells me that he his ex wife (8 years ago) gave him genital warts and that he had had the HPV virus which he had assumed that had gone as he has had no symptoms for years.

He has never mentioned having the virus 8 yrs ago and we have had unprotected sex so I assume that I now have it.

I can’t help but feel upset. He is so bloody perfect in every way. I just feel he should have told me.
Am I overreacting?
I actually hope I am because I’m a bit loved up but I’m also very pissed off.

Will book smear test
Any advice greatly received

OP posts:
Sidge · 02/10/2021 14:21

You won’t be able to have a smear on the NHS unless you’ve been invited and are due.

NotMyCat · 02/10/2021 14:21

Some info here

HPV can clear up naturally – as there is no cure for the underlying HPV infection, the only way to get rid of HPV is to wait for the immune system to clear the virus naturally. 90% of new HPV infections will clear up or become undetectable on their own within two years, and most of these infections will actually clear up in the first 6 months. Long-term infections of high-risk types of HPV, which have the potential to cause cancer, are estimated to occur in only 1% of those infected.

https://healthclinics.superdrug.com/is-hpv-curable/

NightVinca · 02/10/2021 14:28

I tested negative for hpv at my last smear as they test for that now, yet 20 years ago i had to have my cervix layered due to abnormal cells and I have a big wart on my ankle that's been there years

NightVinca · 02/10/2021 14:28

Lasered

Auroreforet · 02/10/2021 14:39

@Zaza6375. There was an excellent discussion about HPV on Woman’s Hour a few days ago.
It does put it all in perspective.

TheNarwhalBalloon · 02/10/2021 14:56

I had warts decades ago and have never had another outbreak since. I know now this thread has reminded me, that in theory I should tell new sexual partners i have hpv, but honestly it would never occur to me after all this time. I'd imagine your partner felt the same after 8 years. I wouldn't hold it against him.

FluffyWhiteBird · 02/10/2021 15:08

[quote VanCleefArpels]@PermanentTemporary NHS is now screening for HPV as part of the usual cervical smear programme. This started only in the past couple of years.[/quote]
Unfortunately not quite true. They still scrape you cervix for a sample. But they only test that sample for HPV. They no longer look at the sample for cancer/potential cancerous changes, like they used to, unless you test HPV positive.

VanCleefArpels · 02/10/2021 15:56

@FluffyWhiteBird not sure how your explanation is different from mine- the point being that those of us who are HPV positive and likely to have been for decades without knowing because routine smears were not tested for HPV just monitored for cellular changes that might indicate cancer

Original poster
Zaza6375 · 02/10/2021 16:09

@Auroreforet just listened to it. Very good.
Thanks for that 👏🏻

OP posts:
Queenoftheashes · 02/10/2021 16:17

HPV does clear. I had it years ago and had warts which I got frozen off. I gave up smoking as it’s meant to help your immune system. My research at the time indicated most infections clear within two years. My smear was negative for HPV.

VanCleefArpels · 02/10/2021 16:18

@Zaza6375 we spoke to GP about sex now we know I’ve got HPV. She said, and I quote, “Have a glass of wine and get on with it” 😁

Opentooffers · 02/10/2021 16:32

So HPV that causes cancer is different to one causing warts. No man knows if they have the HPV causing cancer because there is no test for men and there are no symptoms for a man, so he can't possibly know if he has that one.
What I would be pissed off about is that he bloody well knew he had the one causing warts and most likely knew he had a wart as he's just had it removed - unless the wart appeared after you slept together, in which case it is what it is. Can't lie though, it would put me off knowing someone had warts as it's not something anyone wants, though not life or death, or even drastically unpleasant I believe. You just want to avoid them as they can be a bugger to get rid of as your BF is finding after 8 years.
Usually both types the body develops resistance to them after a couple of years, he may have got a different wart strain off someone else since his ex - likely given that he's not one for doing safe sex. However, for some it can linger.
Probably prudent for both of you to get STI checks if not using condoms, other than that, don't have sex with him if he has an active wart - hopefully he will be vigilant and tell you this.

EarthSight · 02/10/2021 16:43

I'm having a hard time believing he got this particular HPV from his ex-wife. Although there are exceptions, by now, it's very likely his immune system would have cleared that strain anyway.

It's much more likely that he's caught a new strain of HPV that's separate from his ex-wife's situation. Who were you both sleeping with before you found each other? You haven't been with him for long I assume? I think it's likely he got this through dating and sleeping with women just before he met you. Or, that he got it from you if you'd been dating or having casual sex before meeting him. It could be that you had it, passed it on to him, but he developed symptoms first before you did.

Original poster
Zaza6375 · 02/10/2021 16:59

@Opentooffers @EarthSight I hate to say it but it could of been me. I think you’re right.
I have no symptoms but I could easily have picked it up in that time.
I went a little crazy after I spilt from ex.
How bloody stupid of me.
Boyfriend is super health conscious and is always getting things checked out if he’s worried.

Ffs

OP posts:
cptartapp · 02/10/2021 17:01

You can't just request a smear, if it's not due they won't do it.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 02/10/2021 17:02

Good people catch genital warts and herpes
I’ll leave it there ! Grin
Both are liveable with

I don’t know your circumstances and how these fellow is
But as a woman I’ve had both treated and have moved on

Marjoriedrawers · 02/10/2021 17:07

[quote Zaza6375]**@Opentooffers* @EarthSight* I hate to say it but it could of been me. I think you’re right.
I have no symptoms but I could easily have picked it up in that time.
I went a little crazy after I spilt from ex.
How bloody stupid of me.
Boyfriend is super health conscious and is always getting things checked out if he’s worried.

Ffs[/quote]
Uhm...drip feed?

So now you reveal you 'went a bit crazy after you split from your ex' after two pages of only ever being with your ex previously?

Original poster
Zaza6375 · 02/10/2021 17:12

@Marjoriedrawers thanks but if you read back I didn’t say that.
I was with my husband for 29 years yes.
I also said I had been dating.

OP posts:
Marjoriedrawers · 02/10/2021 17:16

[quote Zaza6375]@Marjoriedrawers thanks but if you read back I didn’t say that.
I was with my husband for 29 years yes.
I also said I had been dating.[/quote]
But that's not where you are focusing. Your bf might be equally wondering about the source.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 02/10/2021 17:22

I had a smear test about four years ago and was found to have hpv amd some abnormal cells. I was sent for follow up and had a camera up there to check it out. Everything was ok. My last smear about a year ago was found to be fine and the hpv had gone. Now at the time of my first one I had been with my now DH for 15 years and neither of us has been with anyone else so I have no idea how that happened. I do think he should have told you about the warts before you had sex though. I would be mightily pissed off if it was me.

EarthSight · 02/10/2021 17:30

Oh dear. I would be a bit Blush in that situation then.

In your situation I would dial-back the annoyance at him, or apologise if need be. Both of you need to be honest with each other about past sexual histories, although I appreciate that it's not something that people naturally go into huge detail about when they've just met someone.

I'd like to just add that it doesn't matter how health-conscious, gym-going, lentil-eating is. If they sleep with one person with HPV, especially certain strains, they are likely to get symptoms, although people with impaired immune systems suffer worse with it.

optimistic40 · 02/10/2021 18:36

Also - I meant to mention before - you can order an online test for HPV. They will tell you whether you have a high risk / low risk strain too. They are proper tests and NHS endorsed.

optimistic40 · 02/10/2021 18:38

They are not done the same way as a smear - they are vaginal swabs. If it comes back positive you can ask for a smear so they can check for cell changes.

FluffyWhiteBird · 02/10/2021 18:45

[quote VanCleefArpels]@FluffyWhiteBird not sure how your explanation is different from mine- the point being that those of us who are HPV positive and likely to have been for decades without knowing because routine smears were not tested for HPV just monitored for cellular changes that might indicate cancer[/quote]
You said they do it as part of the usual smear test. My point is the usual smear test is no more. They go through the same motions but only screen the samples which test positive with HPV. Until recently, they used to screen every sample. I think it's important people realise they're not being screened for cancer if they're HPV negative, that's all, given that HPV is not the only cause of cervical cancer (although it is the main one).

Iloveabourbon2 · 02/10/2021 18:47

@optimistic40

They are not done the same way as a smear - they are vaginal swabs. If it comes back positive you can ask for a smear so they can check for cell changes.
Have you had a vaginally swob done personally for HPV? If so where?

I thought HPV was only picked up whilst having a smear. I have never heard of a HPV vaginally swob test before at any GUM clinic.