Would you give up your dogs in order to stop having to see your ex?

[Crumpets123]

I love my dogs so much but they are the only tie I have left to my ex who has completely broken my heart. I

can't bare to be in contact every text message is killing me. I just want to forget she exists and completely erase her from my mind.

Because she works from home, and I don't she has to look after them when I'm at work, but then they stay overnight and weekends with me, but the daily dog swapping and texts is just making it so hard for me. My heart is broken and I can't see her.

Part of me is just thinking because she wfh that she should just have the dogs. But my dogs are my only source of happiness and comfort right now, and I will miss them so much. It feels whatever I choose there will be pain.

AlternativePerspective

It can be very normal to just not want to be by yourself if you’re having a bad time such as a relationship break up. Dogs and other pets can be a part of that. It doesn’t need to be any deeper than that.

I know a couple who still share ‘custody’ of their dog after they divorced 4 years ago. It works for them and the dog is very happy.

Stating your opinion as fact doesn’t make it right.

Resilient people feel things and can handle them, with or without their dogs

100%, agress, feeling heartbreak or loss is awful but with resilience you know logically you will cope and the feelings will eventually subside.

OP, I'm sorry you're going through this. Would walking someone else's dog (s) help? I know my local RSPCA welcome dog walkers, and you would be giving a homeless dog some care and attention.

If there are two dogs, keeping one each would be the obvious solution. Toss a coin if you can't choose a favourite.

@BabyYouKnowMyHandsAreDirty

It can be very normal to just not want to be by yourself if you’re having a bad time such as a relationship break up. Dogs and other pets can be a part of that. It doesn’t need to be any deeper than that

Nobod is disputing that. We all agree on that. You keep making the same point over and over. The issue is that OP says she cannot bear to be without the dogs even for 1 night. That's different.

What is it about that you don't get?

OP has continued to go to work for the last 2 months. She is coping although feeling shit and wanting the company of her dogs in the evening.

Some people really thrive on trying to make others feel like they’re not coping. It’s very unpleasant.

Disclaimer- not a dog owner.
However, if it’s causing you this much pain then I would cut all ties. Have one last lovely weekend to say goodbye and then leave them behind. It will be far better for your mental health in the long run.

Wanting the company of something and feeling that you won't cope without it are not the same.

Nobody is thriving on trying to make anybody feel she is not coping. What an unpleasant thing to say. It's the sort of thing that says most about the person who says it. OP has stated that she feels she will not cope without the dogs, and the responses regarding coping are direct responses to that remark.

Anyway, hopefully the thread will move on from your incorrect assertions about people's meanings and motives, and back to helping OP find some solutions/understanding of her situation. Unless you'd like to point the passive aggressive 'some people' finger some more.

🙄

I’d never give up my pets. Your heartbreak will fade and you sound like you love your dogs so much that you’d really regret giving them up.

The OP most definitely does need to examine why she is so reliant on the dogs that she can’t even bear the idea of one night without them.

I don’t think this is right. I’ve relied on work, friends and my animals when I’ve been going through difficult times, they give you a purpose and create an alternative thing to concentrate on. People come out the other side all the time. Feelings of despair and feeling you can’t cope are common when you’ve gone through a big life event.

Some people really thrive on trying to make others feel like they’re not coping. It’s very unpleasant.

I see that often on here. There’s a few armchair psychologists on the thread with all the ‘examine why you’re not resilient attitudes‘.

I hope you are doing ok OP if you are still reading. I think you’re dogs will help you through this painful time.

wrong your.

going forward I think you should have one dog each

Ffs. Awful advice. 😡 They’re not furniture to divide up.

@Crossing

going forward I think you should have one dog each

Ffs. Awful advice. 😡 They’re not furniture to divide up.

I would agree with you IF both OP and her ex were in a position to care for both dogs equally.

However - there are 2 dogs, and one of them can't be kept at the same place the ex is currently living. I think splitting them might actually be the best answer for all parties.

OP is your ex expecting to move into her own place soon? I assume she moved in with you once your relationship got serious and that wfh is a since lockdown thing.

It's really not healthy for her to be in your home every day, especially if she's not respecting your boundaries and leaving when she should. It can't be helping either of you. Could she not work from her mums and keep problem dog shut away from her mums dog?